A Look Back... A Look Ahead...

So as 2006 comes to a close, I would normally do a month by month look back at what happened in the last 12 months. However, I started the year hurting pretty bad and ended it pretty happy. So instead of all the rehashing, I am going to look back at a few lows and highs and comment on the overall of where I am at these days. Of course '06 saw Tanner's suicide, Steve being killed by a drunk driver and Greeds heart giving out just before Christmas in '05. Not alot of positive stuff. It still is a bummer. The obvious low point for me was that the girl who at the time I wanted to spend my life with, bid me adieu under very 'peculiar' circumstances. In January, I went to her apartment twice in the beginning of the month to leave food at her front doorstep for her and her son. I had a key to her apartment, but since I was looked upon with disdain by her, I never did anything more than leave food there at her doorstep without trying to talk to her. It was at that point that I had to make some difficult decisions about this person. She was accusing me of some pretty nasty garbage, not realizing we still had/have mutual friends. I had to decide if all of this was worth it... Six years of trying, only to discover some lies, deceit, and drama queen behavior that I wasn't prepared for. The worst of all of this mess led to the road that gave me the highest of highs. I finally discovered a number of reasons that I HAD to let go and really stand on my faith. So last winter/ spring, I did just that. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it was soooo worth it. I couldn't do it alone and the help of some good friends really opened my eyes to some things and it made it so much easier to let go of that stupidity that was the waste of time the last six years posed. Since then, she has yet another guy and moved in and now is going to be getting married to him. A year ago, I probably would've been devistated. Today, I find the whole thing laughable and am so grateful that I am no longer a part of that mess. Instead of bitterness, I choose to take the high road and wish her every happiness and success in her future. And thank God that I'm not a part of it...
Since summer, I've been trying to stay focused on what is good and take a much more positive approach to life. It hasn't been easy. Watching a couple of my sisters' health start to slide has not been a lot of fun. But their attitudes have been inspirational and watching them display joy at some real low points fueled my resolve to be a better Christian and show it more by action and not by words. I guess the thing I have discovered about myself and about life, is that there will always be more questions than answers. I don't have answers to a ton of questions that I have. But that is why I have faith. I believe that even though I don't have any answers to questions about many things that have happened in my life, I have come to the point where I choose to accept that I will never know all the answers and I have to be okay with that. It allows me to let go of some things and be able to move on... more importantly, to move on and be happy. That is one of the best things to happen to me. I look forward to what 2007 will bring. I look forward to those of you who read this group of little blurbs from time to time, stopping by again and saying hello. I don't know what the new year will hold, but I am going in with child like eyes, optimism, and hope... To all of you, friend and foe alike, I wish you the very best that 2007 has to offer... God Bless...

Do You See What I See?

Some weird things I've seen in the last couple of days while out either working or going to the store shopping or a whole variety of things...
First, I saw a baby Jesus in the manger scene outside of a funeral home. It was a full sized one and it was right in front of the mortuary. Took up most of the front lawn.
Second, Someone on the other end of the phone calling their kids some four letter words and then when they realized that I had answered, changed their tone completely to that fake, over nice "oh how arrrrrrre yooooou?" Made me want to tiger-chunk...
Third, I saw a sign that said 'Jesus is the Reason for the Season'. Not out of the ordinary at this time of year. But at a Kentucky Fried Chicken???
Finally, another manger set-up. This one took the cake. It was in a bar I stopped in to get a bite to eat. I sat down, ordered some chicken, turned to my right, and did a double take as I saw the three wise men, Joseph, Mary and the baby Jesus in their usual display, only this time instead of an animal barn, they were brought to us by the fine folks of Miller Lite. I sat there with my jaw agape, and didn't make heads or tails of the whole thing... they were part of a beer display??? No wonder I don't drink that watered-down, moose pee from Milwaukee. I'll never move up there because it's socialist, but when it comes to quality brew and respect for the season, I'll tip my hat to the Canadians anytime... Hope you finished your Christmas shopping... I'll begin mine tomorrow... gotta luv it!

Went to a fight and a hockey game broke out...

Trying to wake up to type this entry...
I'm just a little bit sluggish as I am home from work and having done my 3rd Cherokee game in less than 48 hours up in Taylor, MI which is just outside of Detroit. Me, I'm a little whipped from juggling my work and broadcast schedules. Plus getting church in there which I did, and that meant that I had no down time to speak of. Of course, after what happened last weekend, I had to be at the rink to see how things were going to go. Last weekend, we played Dubuque. They beat us fair and square 5-2... no big deal there. But with about 25 seconds remaining, one of their guys turned up ice with his head down and got knocked into next week on a clean hit by one of our guys. It was a clean hit, but they didn't like it. Watched the replay several times and it was the same conclusion. Clean hit. But they decided to mix things up a bit. On the ensuing face off, the Dubuque coach sent his cement head tough guy out and as the puck was dropped, his tough guy didn't even look at where the play was... he charged down the ice with the express purpose to take out our goaltender. A wild melee' ensued and there was all kinds of crap that happened. They thought that they could 'send a message' by trying to muscle us up, but one problem: Our tough guys beat the living crap out of theirs. Not because we were trying to goon it up. Not at all. But because we had to protect our goaltender and the players stood up for each other. Well this weekend was a tournament showcase where all 14 teams in the CSHL were in Taylor to play hockey against each other (each team had three games fri-sun) and were being scouted by higher level leagues and some colleges. The Dubuque guys (about 4 of them) came by but said and did nothing. Their coach was suspended for five games. He peaked out at our game, looked at me and I looked at him and nothing else came of it. He went back over to the other rink to watch his team's game from the cheap seats. I'm still pretty hacked off about the gong show that was Dubuque. The kid that tried to take out our goalie received suspensions that amounted to him being gone for the rest of the regular season. It was pretty intense there for a while... We won two of the three games we played this weekend so we head into the Christmas break on a high note.

Why? Why Not?

Sometimes, I wonder about the chaos that can go on in the world. Then I think about life in my world and while at times I question and can get a bit agitated by what can happen, I know that there is a reason and purpose behind most everything. Even when I don't understand. And that's where it can get difficult. The part about accepting that I don't understand everything that happens but knowing there's a purpose behind it... As we come up on what is for most folks, the happiest and joyful time of the year, I wonder why some of the most painful memories people experience are at this time of year. I think because at it's basic core, Christmas is supposed to represent love and a safe, secure place for us to let our guard down with those we hold dear. Anymore, we have done so much to change the face of Christmas. We have done so much to secularize Christmas. And I'm not talking about trying to make it this holier than thou religious event either. I don't think that was what God had in mind. (I'm not arrogant or smart enough to pretend that I know what God wants. I'm just opining) In my silly mind, I choose to believe that We are supposed to take stock of our lives. Despite the hard times that life can throw at us, I think we're supposed to discover what is actually right in our lives (even if it's not a lot) and be grateful. The 'love' that we're supposed to feel at this time of year can come back to bite us in the butt if we don't allow it to grow in us. If love isn't growing, it's dying inside of us. I think that is why some people get so depressed and miserable. Some to the point of wanting to end it all. My take: simple... some people realize how much they miss the love and security of their past and feel like they can't ever get that back. But it doesn't matter how awful life can be to us. Whether pain, misery, physical or emotional loss of a loved one, illness, lonliness, we all have a purpose. Even if we may not always be sure what that purpose is, rest assured, we have one. There's an old saying about enduring the hardness of life that says "let your test be your testimony". Losely translated, endure it so that you can serve as hope to others who don't know how they are going to survive their own private hell... I just hope that no matter how little, we can all find something to be grateful for... I, for one, am grateful to all the friends (and a few enemies too... lol) that I've made here in the cyber-world. I've had some that have not always appreciated my intentions in the past. But I don't think much about the past anymore. For the first time in many years, instead dwelling on past failures (believe me, there are soooo many), I choose to focus on the small successes. The little (almost insignificant) things. My life is much more enriched now because of the small things that are good. That includes people I've met and continue to meet. I am truly blessed...

Just Exactly What Is Christmas?

Just thinking about church last sunday... It was about what we remember about Christmas in the past. I don't remember a lot but I remember a few things. What were the circumstances for our parents? Were things 'really' as we recall them? Chances are not, but yet we choose to attach fond sentiments to those memories because they are Christmas. So getting a talk on how tough Christmas really was (especially that first one) really opened my eyes. If you care to see the sermon itself (even if you're not religious in nature, it gives you some things to think about) you can go to our church website and pull it up from the archives and watch it... It makes me appreciate what this season is supposed to be...

Looking Back To Take a Step Forward...

So it goes...
Hope y'all are having a good time getting ready for Christmas. Me, it's been a busy time to where I haven't had too much time to shop... At least I'm not shopping for clothes (hi Rebecca)... My weekend was a little weird. Got invited by a couple of friends of mine to go see their daughters basketball games. One with the freshman team, the other junior varsity. They both play for the same high school across town where my ex girlfriend's kids go. For about 12 seconds, my thoughts were going back to thinking the way I used to: what if she's there. Will she think that I have an agenda for being there somehow... after all, she's accused me of lots of things that weren't true... just really stupid thoughts going through my head from the past. But things have changed. I decided that when I go to those games now, I DO have an agenda: to go watch my friends' daughters play. I went to the games and when I first got there, I had an odd thought about what I'd do if I ran into her there... I started chuckling because I'd probably look at her and laugh. I think that is part of having let go... before I had been hurting... and now I am laughing when I think back about what used to be. Yikes! am I glad that I've moved on... Anyhow, I had an absolute blast watching the girls play... in fact I think I made more noise than their moms did... we were laughing and joking around and had a great time. As a matter of fact, one of the daughters called me tonight to thank me for coming out to the game and how really glad she was that I was there. I was genuinely touched. After the first 12 seconds, I didn't think about anything else but having fun with my friends... and now, instead of wondering about other useless things, I look forward to seeing the girls play hoops when my schedule allows. So yeah baby, I'm feeling pretty good...

Up In Smoke...

This week saw my favorite restaurant just down the street go up in flames. I was stunned when my wacky friend, who works there, called me at work to tell me about it. I couldn't believe it. About 5am one of the other girls who was coming in to work there arrived to see flames inside the dining room. She called 911 and it has been determined that it was a case of arson. That really whizzes. The family that owns the restaurant lives 40 minutes away. They arrived and were in a complete daze. No one could believe it... All of a sudden, the girls were temporarily out of a job. No insurance... nothing. I'm going to help my friend by putting together a care package for her. To make sure that she and her kids have a Christmas. She said her family is going to help her out too. So that's cool. But still, to see your livelyhood disappear without warning, even if only temporarily... No chance to prepare, no chance to find something else before your job is yanked... I don't know about you, but I'm counting my blessings... no matter how wacked out my life can get...

Post Turkey Turds...

Ohhhhhhhh Burp!
Hope everyone had a wonderful turkey day. Me, it was pretty neat. I woke up early and on my way to work on Thursday when I got the sudden brainstorm to stop at the Meijer's store which was open and packed on Thanksgiving morning at 6:30am. Nice to know that I wasn't alone when it came to last minute shopping. My purpose was to pick up a veggie tray and some soda to take into work for me and my co-workers. Well, as I walk right past the veggie trays and head for the soda pop aisle, I end up at the frozen food section. In that aisle, I noticed a number of boxes stacked up that didn't look like frozen food products of any sort. Instead, they were surround sound home theatre systems for $59... They were part of a two hour, Thanksgiving day only event. Thank the Good Lord that I had some money in my wallet. I snatched up that up in a hurry and grabbed some 2 liters of soda and got in line with the throng of other brainiacs that got up on a holiday morning to get things cheap... and of course after I pull into the hospital, it dawned on me that I forgot to get the veggie tray. Oops!
Anyway, after work, I went to spend time with the family. We had a pretty nice time together. Ate healthier than I normally would on turkey day. We played $100,000 Pyramid. Me and my nephew dominated on that one. Although as much as I love him, he is not the most worldly and knowledgeable person on the planet. Neither am I, for that matter. But we made it work. After leaving there and going home, I had every intention of going to bed early and going to the early sales for 'black friday'. The problem was that I remembered that I had bought the little home theatre system and I was so excited about it that I tore down my other one which was comprised of old speakers that were more accustomed to blaring out old Kiss and Led Zeppelin LPs than digital audio of dvd's, mp3's, or satellite radio. So in all my excitement and desire to install the little speakers etc, and fire up everything to make sure that it all worked, I forgot to look at the time. It was 3 o'clock in the bloody a.m!!! So trying to be the "I can do it... no problem" brainiac, I figured about 90 minutes of sleep and I could be up and at 'em and to the stores by five... That's the last thing I remembered.I woke up friday morning at 9:45 and got up for good at 10:30... ahhh such is life!

Faith, Hope, and... the 1st day of Christmas shopping

I'm currently reading a book called 'Second Guessing God'... Here's a condensed quote that got my attention and hit me like a ton o'bricks... "My faith in God is like a walk on the beach and I've taken off my shoes and am standing at the water's edge, the tide is rolling across my feet... in the last six months, doubt has begun to paralyze me. It's like when the water goes back out to the ocean. It is washing away the sand underneath me and my feet are sinking lower and lower. If this keeps up, there'll be nothing left for me to stand on... My friend's response was immediate: I have stood where you are standing. I've felt the water cascade across my feet. I know how wonderful that feels. I have also felt the water go back to sea. I've felt the water wash the sand away from my feet... listen to me when I say this: When the last grain of sand is finally gone, you're going to discover that you're standing on a ROCK..."
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours... I hope you have a safe and happy holiday... Me, I'll be working at my job at the hospital all day. I'm okay with that though, someone has to work it... Looking forward to waking up and going shopping on Friday with the throng of other cheapskates who will be out trying to pick up good deals in the stores... Let me know if you've got any good shopping stories... I'll let y'all know how it goes... God Bless...

AHHHHHHHH...

Hey y'all,
Today is a much better day than what I was feeling the other night in my last entry. I've put that little tete' a tete' behind me and I've been rejuvenated. I have more energy back in my soul and I am looking forward to a VERY MUCH needed weekend off from EVERYTHING... and I mean EVERYTHING... no hospital, no hockey, no BCSN... NOTHING! I hope and pray to have a fun and enjoyable weekend. There's a little show here locally called the sports rap on BCSN. They had a couple of guys from the Cherokee on a segment. I was the go between to make sure the guys made it there and were ready to do four minutes... I sat there and watched my associate coach and a couple of the players chat it up with the host who's a friend of mine... oh, btw, the head coach passed on being there because his son had a game. I had no problem with that. I put a high value on being a good parent and the head coach is definitely that and I am proud to say that he is... Okay, enough about him... I look forward to getting things improved on that end and look forward to the Cherokee getting the ship righted... I guess it's the optimist in me... Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better today and am looking forward to that silly little football game between Michigan and Ohio State. What's a Notre Dame fan to do??? Hey it should be a good one. Also, this weekend, is Grey Cup Sunday... What is Grey Cup Sunday you ask? Well, it is the championship game of the Canadian Football League. Or more appropriately, the Canadian national drunk... I will make a point of tipping one or two Canadian brews with my dinner and then settle in to watch the British Columbia (Vancouver) Lions battle the Montreal Alouettes at CanadInns Stadium in the fridgid cold of Winnipeg, Manitoba... brrrr... should be a beauty, eh?

Peaks and Valleys

Y'know, sometimes I wonder why I go through this self examination of concsience. I want more than anything to think about all of the positive things that happen in my life. Trust me, there are a lot... The bumper sticker that says 'God Bless America' can be a day late and a dollar short. We've been truly blessed in this nation and even though I'm poor, lumpy, annoying and too sarcastic for my own good, I have to admit that I have been very truly blessed. Even when bad things happen and I'm at a loss to try and figure out why, I know when all is said and done, The Big Man upstairs has really been good to me. I'm saying this because I've been soul searching in regards to some things that are happening in my life right now. Nothing really bad or anything, I'm just thinking that I am feeling a little quirky. No one specific reason. I guess I am feeling a little melancholy right now. I'm frustrated in my role with the Cherokee. I love my job, no question about it. The things that I do and the joy that I bring to people that listen to me online and I am so tickled when I meet families of the players from out of town who come up to me and express their gratitude for me broadcasting games online so they can keep in touch and follow their loved ones on the net. I know that they appreciate it and I feel very touched and honored to be able to do it. Working with the Toledo Cherokee, I have been so blessed to be a part of that organization... no, more like 'family' comes to mind. Until this year. Our record is up and down like last year. That stuff doesn't bother me. But right now, there is such disarray with coaches not really connecting with the players, and players who tune out the coaches because they can't stand them. I don't get along very well with my head coach. He and I are like oil and water... we don't mix. I talked to him for about 3 minutes today. That's way longer than I've talked to him in the last month. He's the head coach, I'm the broadcaster. We're supposed to work together and try to make each broadcast sound reasonably decent with each other's co-operation. But snide comments have been made in each direction and the end result is mud. We don't really do much to reach out to each other in any way, shape or form. We don't seek each other out to do anything together for a broadcast. I talk to his assistant coaches and I get along with those two just fine. Normally, I wouldn't let that stop me and I would try to be a nice guy and make peace. Not this time. This coach has already got the reputation of whining nonstop at the refs. He is constantly complaining and is even making the owners less than thrilled at the moment. The funny part is that he was originally brought on board as an assistant. But after the original coach was canned, he was made head coach. The owners were happy because the coach had name recognition, having played a couple of seasons in the National Hockey League. He also played in the minors and won a couple of championships with the Toledo Storm in the East Coast Hockey League back in the early 90's. But he tries to treat these young players as if they were in the pros. That's not what we're here for... These guys are still developing and learning. He spends more time yelling at the refs than he does getting on the players in his locker room. But he has alienated so many people in the last few months, that he may lose what little control he has over the team right now. You know its bad when the players are complaining about a lack of intensity and discipline from the coach. We lost in OT this weekend to Motor City last night and Flint spanked us today. One of our players got into a fight with a Flint player and cleaned his clock. That was the only brightspot of the game today... If we were winning, then it might not be so bad. But we're not winning much these days and the frustration is really starting to grow. Normally, you'd say that the players need to suck it up and do this and that... but right now it's the players that are frustrated with their coach, and if he's not careful, he might lose his players' respect. Even though there was a different coach last season, there were a number of returnees this season and the players that were here last year are not in tune with their new coach... at all. And you can see the results on the ice. And there are a lot of frustrated people on the Cherokee reservation. Including me...

Feeling Red and Seeing Blue

ARRRRGH!
That seems to be the only word that can come out of my mouth right now. I'm just trying to recover from a night that saw my red world turn blue... I guess I should backtrack: I took half a day off from work because I was asked last week by the TV station to do a regional playoff soccer game. There were several teams from the area that were in the playoffs and at least two of them were supposed to advance in the playoffs and could possibly win at states in their respective divisions. Only one problem: THEY ALL LOST!!! Every last one of them. So that meant my election day afternoon and evening were free... I had planned on an evening of junk food and my TV to watch the returns, but a couple of doctors at work who are good friends of mine called and invited me over to their favorite hangout to watch the results. Hey, 'why not?' I rationalized. I forgot to mention that the 'hangout' in question was a cigar bar. Yep, every asthmatic's dream.... BUT just like the guy who has a fear of heights but takes a job working as window washer on a high-rise building, or a guy who is terrified of flying but works as an air marshall, I am an asthmatic who LOVES a good cigar!!! I seldom smoke them anymore, but I love the aroma... Besides (I thought), I am in the company of a couple of doctors. If anything happens, they can treat me... until I remembered we were in a cigar bar and the only things they were equipped with were Arturo Fuente cigars and single-malt scotch... geez, what are the odds? Oh, nevermind... Anyway, we proceeded (with our humor) to make the entire bar crack up with laughter... We had to laugh because the results of the election made us want to cry... But we're big boys so we'll take our lumps as such and congratulate the Dems on a big victory. Their victory does not change who I am or what I value or believe. I remain true to my convictions and hope that the next two years go by with success and peace for our nation. I guess the only difference is going to be that I spend more money on taxes and less at cigar bars...

Weekend Roundup

Hola y'all,
survived another weekend. I'm feeling a lot better these days. I'm feeling pretty good. The Cherokee lost on Saturday night to Peoria. I got done with the game and instead of going somewhere to have a ginger ale and lament a 2-1 loss, I just went home. I got online and was looking for information about some hockey stuff and got absorbed by some stuff. I had a warped thought about something and before I knew it, I'm looking up crap on 70's and early 80's movies. As in cheeky B-movies. Yikes! that's like reeeeeally scary. I was looking up a movie that Lynda 'Wonder Woman' Carter was in... I think it was called 'Bobby Jo and The Outlaw'... just crap like that. Don't ask me why I was doing this... weird thoughts come to me when I'm eating ice cream at midnight. I think I might have been better off if I went and tipped a few as opposed to really awful movies... How the Academy could've missed these.... Anyway, I got to bed and slept like a brick. Too well. I ended up oversleeping and had to really get a move on it to get to Church on Sunday morning. Once there, my morning improved dramatically. I enjoyed watching the band play. They rock a lot harder than the bar bands I used to go watch every weekend in my younger days. And in a touch of irony, a couple of the guys in the Church band used to play in the regionally popular metal scene where I live, back then. So in the past, I payed a $5 cover charge, would drink about 50 bucks worth of booze, and sit there and yell at these guys. Now here we are all these years later, and I look up at the stage, and see the same couple of guys and shell out money in the collection basket, and go have a hot chocolate in the lobby afterwards. How lame have I become? Well, at least I don't have hangovers every weekend anymore so that's a plus. If that makes me lame, then I gladly plead guilty to that charge. I can still have blast without having to consume large quanities of 'liquid encouragement'. I don't try to 'drink someone pretty' either... I prefer a Gino's pizza over getting tanked... any day! Peace...

I was po'd when I heard John Kerry's comments (regardless of what he may have 'meant' by them) They were hurtful to those of us who have family in the military. Doesn't matter about party affiliation... it was wrong of him. But when I saw this, I laughed and realized that our best and brightest have a great sense of humor... I live in the land of the free... BECAUSE of the BRAVE!!!
God Bless Our Troops!

Sleepless In Seatt... er... my place!

Will someone please take my pulse to make sure I'm alive? lol... I was a complete walking zombie on Saturday night during the Cherokee broadcast. I got a couple of emails from people that heard the broadcast online and were very concerned because I sounded so miserable. I appreciate the concern and for the record, I feel much better now. Thank the Lord. I tried to sleep during the day today, but I kept doing little errands and finally settled down tonight after dinner. Now more random thoughts.
Saw my sister Lou today. She looked awful. She was hacking and coughing and was all kinds of miserable. I was worried about her cause the chemo treatments she's taking have really kicked her butt like nobody's business... She still puts up a brave face, but I know this whole mess is really bringing her down. Spent some time with my nephew today. Tony and I went shopping (i'm almost embarrassed to admit this)... for... (gag)... clothes! There... I said it... two guys shopping for clothes. Thank GOD we're related otherwise I'd worry about 'brokeback' jokes... and NOOOO neither of us asked the other if our butts looked big... We had a pretty good time together. It was kind of strange. He and I don't see each other a great deal but we're still pretty close. He asked me today if I ever talk to or see my former girlfriend. I smiled and said 'no honey, we don't have any contact with each other.'... In the past, I might have added some nasty editorial comments to the answer. But as I said in previous posts, I've left that time of my life in the past, and tossed everything else in the trash can. I think the last time I tried to contact her was back in January. But anyway, Tony asked a couple of more questions about her and instead of trying to slam her, I was polite and just said something like "it didn't work out but it's for the best... for both of us... we're both much happier" and he finished with his questions and dropped it. I must be getting old or something. Normally, considering the circumstances, I would have said something much more negative if he had asked me this about 7 months ago. But by the spring, I made my peace with it and left it at the foot of the cross. And I am soooo much happier now and glad she's gone. I mean no malice with that comment... I'm happier without her than I was with her... 'nuff said. Stay warm everyone... unless you're in Hawaii... (hi Tina)

You're Getting Sleeeeeepy...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,
My airway feels a whole lot better. I'm still not 100% yet... but I'm breathing again so I guess that should be good for something. Right now I'm in the middle of a long weekend of work. I about dropped over on Wednesday night as I had to broadcast 2 soccer games back to back. I hit my inhaler but I was still wheezy. I had a hard time getting through the second game but that's the way the cookie crumbles. My next 2 days should be fun... here's the schedule:

Friday: Work till 6pm... drive to Wayne, MI to broadcast Cherokee hockey vs Michigan Ice Dogs at 8:20pm. Get home around 12:30am... back up about 4am. Go back to work at the hospital Saturday till 2pm. Head from hospital to broadcast district soccer final for TV at 4pm. After district final, jump in car and drive to Cleveland to broadcast Cherokee hockey vs Cleveland Lumberjacks on the internet at 9pm... Now mind you, I'm not really complaining. After all, I get paid to do all of these things. But by the time I wake back up early Sunday morning, I'll be dragging my knuckles to say the least... But I'll be ready for it all... About the only thing that has me feeling down right now is that the Detroit Tigers are down 3-1 to the Cardinals in the World Series. But I'm optimistic...

Punks and Drunks

As much as I love and am passionate about sports (afterall, I work as broadcaster of them), I still have to deal with goofballs that are harmless, but no less annoying. As excited as I am about the World Series being played less than 45 minutes from my house, sometimes things can be downright strange... Let's set the scene: I'm awake and am leaving the doctor's office and going to stop at the local tavern in my little hick town trying to get something to eat. While sitting there, a guy walks by (obviously enjoying 'happy hour' just a little too much), and spills his beverage a bit on yours truly. The very brief conversation went something like this:

Me: Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Drunk guy: Ohhhh dude! TIGERS!!! (at this point, drunk guy walks back to his chair)

apparently, invoking the name of a professional sports team allows you a brief grace period to stagger back to your chair and pretend that nothing happened. I wouldn't have been mad at all if the guy would've said 'sorry' or 'dude, my bad'. I'm a big boy, that stuff doesn't bother me. We all make mistakes. But 'dude, TIGERS'??? I dried myself off and shook my head. Then I heard the guy talking loudly about his levi jeans and his male anatomy. At this point, I laughed. What else could I do? I grabbed my 'to go' order and left. I'm trying to think of where I could use that expression as an excuse the next time I screw something up... If I do, I'll let y'all know how it turns out... yeesh!

Fading In and Out...

I don't know if this will make any sense, but I'm tired, cranky, but still pretty happy. I guess I should explain. I came back from St Louis and on the way home, started wheezing and had some difficulty breathing. There's been a respiratory bug that's been going around our department at work. I came down with it and am now feeling like ten pounds of crap in a five pound bag. Rebecca, if you read this, you may not be a shrink my friend, but you're some prognosticator! So I took the last couple of days off from work to try and get my poop in a group... The only good thing about this is that in addition to getting some rest, I am getting some time to listen to radio, and watch the odd movie or two... something I've always enjoyed but haven't done in a while. I am still feeling the effects of gettin' old... But I'm going back to work tomorrow. Plus I just got my TV schedule for the next week. Ugh! But it's worth it... I'll be logging some serious miles and I can't wait... I start this entry griping about being on the go and feeling like crap. And end it looking forward to more of the same... Yeah I'm crazy... and I'm GLAD... mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Exhaustion Leads to... Being Tired! (profound, eh?)

Ugh... that's about all the energy I've got to say. These last couple of weeks have shown me that I'm not as young as I used to be and I have let the ol' body take a beating by putting in a ton of hours all over the place. I'm ready to collapse. To be truthful, I nearly did the other day. I got a few warning signs that I need to slow down. Of course in traditional Mik fashion... I ignored them. Too stubborn for my own good. Well, as I write this, it's on to the Loo... (that would be St. Louis) as the Cherokee have to go down and play the three time national defending champs... Oh well, c'est la vie... Found out that my best friend and his wife are expecting... very cool. Me, I'm trying to stay focused on what's right in this world. It's not easy, I can tell you this... Found some crap that was my old girlfriend's and that brought back some not-so-good memories of the past. Some anger and bitterness returned for awhile. Like about 8 days. I found myself getting mad at God for all the wrong (as usual) reasons. It wasn't His fault. I needed something to lash out and let it finally rest. Very odd, it came in the form of the 'Grumpy Old Men' movies. I watched those and for some very strange reason, I actually had a couple of tears in my eyes. I saw myself as the Walter Matthau charachter and I didn't like that one bit. I've done pretty good about not thinking about her and putting that worthless segment of my life behind me. I found a couple of things and it brought me back to another time in my life where all I did was practically kill myself trying to please her and take care of her needs at the complete expense of my own. I wasn't living my life at all. I was her servant. Nothing more... But after realizing what that mess was in my past with her, I was able to empty out the garbage and start over again. With much brighter horizons I might add. Today, I am drama queen free... halleluja!

Something I Won't Forget...

Some may question about the evidence of God. That's completely understandable. With things that happen in the world... bad things sometimes happen to good people. We have a showcase tournament that the Cherokee had to play in this weekend up in Detroit. Four games in four days. We got stomped big time by St. Louis on Friday night 5-0... Scored a come from behind 5-4 win over Chicago. And took one in the shorts on Sunday as Dubuque smoked us 9-5... We still have to play Grand Rapids on Monday afternoon at about 5pm ET... But for me... none of that mattered so much as the charity event that took place on Saturday night. I was sitting out in the lobby of the arena, watching the Tigers clinch the ALDS against the Yankees. I about crapped myself. I was so jacked to see that. it's only been 19 years since the Tigers were in the League Championship Series. Anyway, I was getting ready to head home for a night of wine, woman, and song when I was asked to help broadcast a charity hockey game that featured all the players that were in wheelchairs. And most of these players had very little mobility and use of their extremeties. As they were out on the ice, they were being pushed by a host of former hockey players. Some famous, some not quite as famous but it didn't really matter. The players in the wheelchairs were the stars as they battled heartily and it was neat to see former Detroit Red Wing Vladimir Konstantinov who dropped the ceremonial opening face-off to get things started. Vladdy was seriously injured in a limousine less than two weeks after the Wings won the Stanley Cup back in 1997. The limo driver who was driving Konstantinov, team massusse Sergei Mnatsakonov, and defenseman Slava Fetisov, fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a tree. Vladdy and Sergei were the only two who were severely injured. Fetisov was fine. Sergei was left in a wheel chair but is able to remember most everything. Vladdy spent a number of years in a wheelchair and can't remember alot. But he showed up in the arena using a walker with wheels on it. He still has great difficulty with balance and co-ordination. But he brought the crowd to it's feet in a wonderful display of love and emotion for the guy we all knew back in the 90's as 'The Vladinator'... I was stunned to see him in an improved condition. I don't think he'll ever be the well enough to walk without a walker or anything, but it was still moving to see him make it out for this event. And then there were the wheelchair players. Some could not really move their arms and legs but it didn't matter. With the guys that were pushing the chairs around the ice, everyone had an absolute ball. After the game, the people in the stands gave the wheelchair players a rousing standing ovation. I watched in silence as the wheelchair players were all smiles and had huge grins on their faces as they posed for pictures and thanked the guys that pushed their chairs around the ice. But I can guarantee you that to a person, the guys pushing the wheelchair players were more in awe of the players much more than the wheelchair players (guys and girls) were awestruck... As someone who watched the event and also helped broadcast it, I was blown away by these folks and really had a new appreciation for just how blessed I really am.... Even when I'm hurting and things aren't going my way... I was truly moved and realized that the issues that I have to face are absolutely nothing in comparison to what these people deal with day to day... I was truly humbled...

Bilingual (soccer) Foot In Mouth...

The following conversation occured between me and the TV station folks...

BCSN: Hey Mik, are you doing the Latino heritage soccer match next Sunday?
Mik: Uh, no... hadn't planned on it nor heard about it... why?
BCSN: Because... you're hispanic silly!
Mik: Um, where exactly do hispanics come from anyway? Hispanica?
BCSN: We thought it'd be cool for you to do part of the game in Spanish!
Mik: ARE YOU NUTS??? I can't even get the hang of doing it in English... and that's my mother tongue!!! Why would I want to butcher up a sporting event in two languages???
BCSN: We want to have an all Latino crew...
Mik: Uh, I don't mean to bring things down, but there's only me and Jon (a director) who would qualify. Are we going to do a single camera shoot with no production truck? There's two other guys who have some puerto rican mixed with lebanese backround. They don't even have latin surnames. (editor's note: a 'crew' consists of three camera people, a director, a VTR operator, a cg operator, a sound person, and a PA.) So in keeping with the immigration issue that persists these days, and in keeping with the latino heritage theme, maybe we can pick up a couple of 'relatives' of the soccer players who just snuck into the country and stick them in the production truck and be sure to get a camera shot of it. Just make sure to include a title "Executive Producer aka Coyote"
BCSN: Never mind Mik, I see your out of town with the Cherokee anyway...
Mik: Gee, that's too bad. (Whhewwww!!!)

On The Fly...

Hola, It's been a bit since I've written. I have been one busy nutcase. Iowa was... well, Iowa. Saturday night was cowbell night. It wasn't so much a giveaway as much as it was for Iowans to accessorize in a fashion sense. Only kidding. I have been on a whirlwind schedule and will continue to be so through the weekend till monday morning. I'm putting in 18-20 hour days every day. I'm doing lots of broadcasting so that's okay by me. Been watching tv on the fly and haven't been yakking too much in my friends' blogs/journals... but know that I'm visiting when I can... Hope that you all are well... I'll chat with y'all later...

Another Day In Paradise

Hmmm... the hospital had a fire in the psych unit??? Now THAT is crazy... and that was just the beginning. One of the ICU's which is located beneath said psych area had a pipe burst and flooded the whole ICU... Nice... The patients had to be moved out to other departments. The irony of this was unbelieveable... This all happened with JCAHO in to visit and determine the level of accreditation for us... YEEEE-HAWWW! I don't know how that panned out... but everything else seems to have settled down. At least for now... I've got a long weekend ahead. I have to go to Iowa this weekend with the Cherokee. We go to Davenport to take on the Quad City Express. I'm not an Iowa fan... we used to have an on-going joke about Iowans...
Q: Why are all Iowa football fields made of artificial turf???
A: So the cheerleaders won't graze after the game....
Not my joke. Honest. But I've never been a Iowa fan. It's not much to write home about. So I don't mind a little wise-crack about the state. It seems only right. Anyway, I talked this week with our old coach who was fired the day before tryouts. Vargs and I are still pretty close and he was talking with me for over an hour. I think I got about 3 minutes of talking in with the other 82 going to Vargs. He's still hurting and has gotten bitter. But I think once this season has passed. he'll get back into hockey and I think he'll be okay. We'll see what happens. I suppose I should go get some shuteye and pray that I don't meet any Iowa cheerleaders...

Recap...

Hmmm... random thoughts as I look at some old things and am tossing them away... the Cherokee won on Saturday night vs Cleveland and then got shut down on Sunday vs Dubuque... Such is life. No real memorable moments from the weekend except after the game on Sunday. I left the rink and went to go get some dinner with someone and as I'm sitting there, some guy comes up to me and says: "y'know, you kinda look like that guy up there on tv" It was me on tape. "naw, I don't look like him... he looks younger than I do..." The slightly drunken response: "yeah, I think (hic-up) you're right..." What could I do but smile and go back to my dinner... I always tell people that my epitath will read: Loved by few, Hated by many, Ignored by NONE!

Reasons to Smile

Hey,
The last few days have seen me do little things that added up to some big things. I'm praying hard for my sister Lou. She has a tumor on her ovary and is having to go through daily chemo. The bad news is that it's daily... the good news is that the mass has shrunk 2cm and hasn't spread. We'll see how it goes. That's two sisters who have gone through this crap called ovarian cancer. Both are in good spirits. Very positive attitudes so why should mine be any less. Lou is keeping up a positive front. When she's not vomiting... but even that is beginning to get a little bit better... Hockey is back in full swing... the team is going to go through a big test this weekend. We open the home part of our season schedule against Cleveland this Saturday night and Dubuque on Sunday. I have to broadcast both games on the net like always, but Sunday's game is going to be broadcast on BCSN-TV here locally and I have to broadcast that too. It'll be strange to simulcast like that, but hey, it should be a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to it...

Five Years Ago...

It still hurts to think about and look back at such a terrible day... It doesn't seem like it's been only 5 years. I think a lot of us would rather forget... because of the pain involved. But I was glad that I forced myself to watch this morning. Especially when the 2nd plane hit the other tower. How often do you see that video footage anymore? They don't show it. I think if they did show it more frequently, we as a country wouldn't be so divided... that everything else wouldn't be so politicized... we wouldn't be democrat, republican, liberal, conservative... black, white, christian, or jew... we'd just be what everyone wants to be... AMERICANS! Or is that too much to ask...

Rest of the Q's...

6) What's one thing you HAVE to do before you die?
I don't really know. In the past, I used to say 'marry my true love' but since that no longer is a possibility, (thank God), I have to re-think this one. It's not the most important, but I'd like to visit all 50 states and 11 provinces before I go to Heaven. I've been to 24. The hard one is going to be Alaska. Been to Hawaii. Been to most states on the eastern side of the country. I guess that's the only thing I can currently think of... a lot of words to say I DON'T KNOW...

7) What's the best vacation you ever took?
It was great... I took almost 3 weeks off... Went to Toronto, then Hawaii, and then San Antonio... Had a blast in all three places.

8) What's the best advice your mom ever gave you?
My mom died when I was a kid. But I have one lasting memory. We had a neighbor who we didn't get along with and had an argument with... long story short, the neighbor had a nervous breakdown and was taken to the hospital, which meant that some of her kids were at home alone. My mom went over there and made them food and made sure that they had everything that they needed. They asked her why was she doing all this and she told them that arguments didn't matter anymore. Priorities are what's most important. That's why I put a high value on forgiveness.

9) What is your biggest phobia?
fear of deep water. I guess that's why I live on the lake... HA!

10) Who is the hottest (as in sexy) actor in Hollywood?
Um, I don't have one... honest! So help me Sandra Bullock!

11) For $100 would you pull the wings off of a butterfly?
Nah, I'd do it for five bucks... I'm cheap... :)

12) Do you have a living will or would you sign one?
In the will, I'd probably owe some money... :) ~

Five Q's

Never one to pass up a good quiz (thanks to JXN, M1999, and Riccie)...

1) If you could change your name, would you? If so, to what?
Little story about Moi' ... when I was born (during the height of the Beatles popularity) the nurses all wanted my parents to name me after one of the fab four. Okay, I am eternally grateful that the 'rents didn't tab me with something like that. There's no doubt in my mind that I would have come back to haunt them for naming me something like RINGO!!! So to make a long story short... I would not change my name...

2) What is one thing you'd change about yourself if you could?
I couldn't do just one. But I'd probably say to be a better Christian. Somedays I feel good and try to do the right things. Other days, I don't always make the right choices. But I know deep down, my heart is in the right place. And I take comfort in knowing that HE knows my heart. I just hope that I can do a better job of being a good person.

3) What's one thing you wouldn't change about yourself?
I have to say that I wouldn't change the passion I have... My passion for life, for sports, for all that I love. The cast of characters have changed, thankfully so, but the passion that I have for all that is good, still endures...

4) What's the best decision you ever made in your life?
To say good-bye to my past and focus on the future... Giving my heart to God and not being ashamed about that. To forgive those whom I've deemed enemies in my past and to forgive myself for my imperfections because I know I'm probably considered an enemy to others... just ask my past girlfriends... :)

5) If you could have dinner with 5 people (living or dead) who would they be?
My first thought would be the last five girlfriends I've had but that would be worse than an episode of Jerry Springer... and with the exception of my second girlfriend from about 15 years ago, I have no desire to see or talk to any one of them. Oh yeah, I guess I'd better pick five:

1- Steve Yzerman (recently retired from the Detroit Red Wings)
2- Joe Montana (former NFL and Notre Dame QB)
3- John Candy (my only deceased pick)
4- Don Cherry (Hockey Night In Canada Broadcaster)
5- Sandra Bullock (a little cheesecake never hurt anyone)

Pickin' and Grinnin' (my apologies to Hee Haw

Sometimes it’s a bit weird around here and sometimes it just downright whizzes. But every once in a while, just every once in a while, things straighten themselves out and work to a tee. This week has been one of those times. I can’t go into details, but safe to say that I am looking forward to the future more than I ever have. Let’s see… I almost forgot to mention that hockey has started. The Cherokee started their regular season with a pair of wins over Columbus. This weekend, the team travels to Lakeland MI, and then Detroit. So I’ll be on the road continually. Looking forward to that too. So for the most part, I am a pretty happy camper. Hey, life could be worse… I remember last year at this time. It wasn’t too good. I’m glad (and relieved) to have moved on in my life. I am a much better person for it… Yak at y’all later…

Live and Dangerous

Howdy to all... hope everything is well... Had a moment of near panic on the air yesterday as we prepared to do a soccer game on TV... LIVE! Now more often than not, the events we cover during the week are tape delayed. No problem for me... that way if I screw up the beginning or end, I can re-do them and then ride the middle of the broadcast for all it's worth. But every so often, I have to do Live events. I did some back to back on consecutive nights this week. Simply put, no room to screw up... again, no big deal for me... I've been at this long enough to know that anything can and usually does happen. For me, that was this past wednesday night. I had to broadcast a girl's high school soccer match Live at 6pm... not a big deal... EXCEPT that the JV game was running way behind and didn't end until 5:57pm... the varsity girls had to do their 20 minute warm-up. So the game wasn't starting until about 6:25 or 6:30... and we're LIVE on the air... with nothing to fill it with! Soooooo... me and my color analyst were able to talk for that whole time and my director was very cool cause he ran more commercials during that half hour than he was supposed to... but how we managed to talk about these two teams for that half hour with no previous knowledge of the two teams was nothing short of miraculous. Or I'm just naturally full of crap and some kind of BSer... Thank the Good Lord that He was with me and gave me the gift of gab to blab coherently... I had Thursday off from everything and boy was it much needed! I slept in till about 7am... lounged around till 9:30am. I went and had breakfast down the road from my house. The waitress who knows me, sat and shot the breeze with me for a bit. She met a new guy and things are going swimmingly for them. I was happy for her. I went home and did some work on my computer and then got a phone call. It was from my groupie. I was hesitant to take the call but I took it anyway. She and I haven't talked in quite a long time. She got a new job at another hospital in town and we hadn't talked in forever. The groupie was talking in generalities for quite some time. So I could tell something was on her mind. I wasn't sure... we had talked before... and knew that we couldn't be around each other much because she knew that there were some emotions there and she has a boyfriend. I told her that I wasn't going to interfere with that and that even if she were available, it wouldn't work because of the age difference (she's 22). Well, I didn't duck it and asked her how things were going in that department. She said they were going incredibly awesome. She's now wearing a rock on her finger. The guy proposed. I was happy (and very relieved)... I told her it was so great and that things are really going well for her. I hung up with her and went and took a nap. I got up and mowed the lawn and then my nephew called me. He had to go shopping for some clothes to start college and didn't have much money. So I took him over to Steve and Barry's and he got a crapload of clothes for cheap. He had never heard of the store and when I took him there, it was like a little kid on Christmas. He was just going nuts shopping for all the college wear... I told him he was shopping like a girl... he started laughing. We talked about football, girls, a little bit of everything. I felt like for the first time in a while, we connected. It was a lot of fun and he wants to drive up to see me next week (and go back to that store I'm sure). I'm looking forward to it... I came home, and sat down for a while and had a smile on my face. Relationships can be a funny thing. I watched my groupie talk about starting a new life with her boyfriend and make the commitment to be his and his alone... the waitress at the restaurant was cooing with her new beau. I sit here alone and am doing okay. I still think about the ex-girlfriend who destroyed my heart into 23.3 million pieces... now that I have the perspective of time, it's been really difficult but a worthwhile experience. I now see her for who she is... and looking back, I'm glad that we parted (as ugly and painful as it was) when we did. And to be honest, I'm glad she's gone now. There are times where I almost miss her. But I now realize that it's best that I fly solo from now on... I trust in God and let chips fall where they may. Life is definitely much better now...

Sleeping Through My Day...

ZZZZZzzzzzzzz... Oh! Hi !!!!
I have nodded off while trying to write this little post. I fell asleep last night when my intention was to watch pre-season football. I woke up this morning to 'Fox and Friends' waking up out of a sound sleep, laughing. That's what happens when I try to sleep while Steve, E. D. and Brian are on... Steve had an ink pen explode in his hand and spent the entire show trying to figure out how to get the ink out of his hand. Nothing worked. It was comical... Went to work and my boss was telling me how someone got a hold of her checking acct. number AND her router number to allow for withdrawals... and she has never, ever, done any business online for anything! Wow! I guess you never know, huh?
I left work and was going to go home (in a massive rain storm), but something told me to stop by my sister's house and check on her. Lou seems to be doing a little bit better, so that's a huge thing. She bought a new car and I stood out in the rain and looked at it... It was saaweeeeet! I talked to Lou for a while. She said that outside of the nausea and vomitting from the chemo, that she actually feels better. She has more hope than she did last week. And also, so does her doctors. That made me feel a lot more chipper today. My other sister filed a grievance over her getting laid off from her teaching job and everyone from the school system to the folks handling her grievance feel she will win her case. Plus, Lou told me that there are several openings in the school system so it shouldn't be a problem. I'm hopeful. I came home and had the gourmet meal (also the traditional single guy's meal): hot dogs and potato chips with orange crystal light... and a creamsicle for dessert. All that was missing was the blonde bombshell and a mariachi band... ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Not The Road Less Travelled

Hola,
I hope all of you are well. Me, I'm beyond exhausted as I have come home from doing 4 games in less than 48 hours... all out of town. I put a boat-load of miles on my car. Yep, my insane broadcasting schedule has kicked into high gear. My schedule this coming week is nuts. But for some strange reason, I'm looking forward to it... As Mick Jagger said so eloquently: "I know it's only rock-n-roll... BUT I LIKE IT!!!" When I got home I sat down on my couch, ready to watch the news on TV. I started to watch the TV screen (hint: the TV was NOT turned on) and the next thing I knew, I woke up and the sun had gone down. I was toast. I woke up and decided to surf online and saw about the horror of the Comair plane crash. Ugh, that was very sad to see. I don't know how far that is from you JXN, but with the base of news reporting coming from Lexington, I'm guessing that it's pretty close to your neighborhood. Speaking of news reporting, I'm glad to see that the two Fox News guys were freed... Other random thoughts... My nephew was the happiest kid on planet earth. I gave him my old laptop to use for college. He thinks I'm okay now... He still won't help me move my old refrigerator out to be tossed, but he'll take the laptop to make the most of it... gotta love those kids... someone has to... My sister Lou went through her first week of chemotherapy for leukemia. She's battling hard and I'm hopeful that she'll pull through. We'll see how it goes...

Godzilla and Golf... What a Pair...zzzz

Oh my am I tired...
I am running on fumes but it was a lot of fun. I had to go into work
yesterday very early (5am) and put my time in. I went to visit my sister
Lou and she was pretty emotional. She has to undergo more chemotherapy and is still trying to rebound from having her foot amputated.
She is trying to keep a positive perspective on things. But it's really getting to her. I saw her and my other sister Terri. Terri lost job on friday (she's a school teacher) and it really hurt her a lot. They still haven't officially told her. She found out on friday by total accident. They'll tell her officially tomorrow, which is the first day of school. Budget cuts... arrrrrgh! I spent a little time with them and tried to stay upbeat but it was very depressing in the house yesterday. I think part of it had to do with the fact that today (sunday) would've been our dad's birthday. I thought about him at Church this morning. I slept in and went to a later service cause I was up late on saturday night watching football and a really bad Godzilla movie... "Godzilla's Revenge" I thought most of those movies were bad back then. Now I wax them a bit nostalgic... Watching a portly Japanese kid (with just atrocious english overdubs) talking with Godzilla's son ( a dwarf in a plastic dragon suit that was maybe 4 foot tall) with a high pitch overdub that was not at all in sync with the Japanese version. It was awful. But kind of fun... Until I looked at the clock and realize that it was after 2:3o in the morning and had to wake up for Church in a few hours. I went to Church and it was great. I loved it. We didn't do anything much to celebrate my dad's birthday so w I went and hung out at my place when the guy that I do the golf show with called me and invited me to golf for free at one of the area's more nicer golf courses... so we golfed, ate good food, and laughed alot! I'm just now getting home late (near midnight) and am going to nod off for the night... Happy Birthday Dad! I love you a ton and miss ya...

In the Cards...

 Howdy,
Had today off from work and slept in today for the first time in forever. I went to sleep just before 3am and woke up around 9am... I was tired and laid in bed till about 10 and went to eat breakfast down the road. I came home and mowed the lawn and did some work to get things prepared for the upcoming sports seasons: football and (more important to me) hockey!  I can't wait for everything to start up again next week.
I feel pretty good after going to play poker with the boys on Wednesday night. My buddy was in okay spirits, all things considered. He was a little subdued but tried to keep joking around a little.  We all toasted him with a drink and talked for the longest time before we finally decided to play cards. He knows he doesn't have long. So he's trying to do some things that we all did for years in the past: play another round of golf together at a great course, get together and be wacky over some sushi... after he left to go home, some of the rest of us were talking about how precious life truly is. No matter how bad things can be, we know that we are very fortunate (read: blessed) because we are not in the situation that he's in. Since most of the guys (with the exception of me and one other guy) are doctors, the prognosis is obvious... maybe a year if he's lucky, more than likely, six months.  Most of the guys have a minimal belief in God. They don't talk much about it. But we all agreed that we have to pray for him.  He's not the most spiritual guy, but I think at his heart, he believes in God...

Gut-Check...

Life as I look at it...
Okay, what can I say. Insanity rules the day. A small peek into my world: some good things, some bad... but my attitude remains the same... I'm prayerfully optimistic. My sister is going to the doctor tomorrow after a vacation and is going to find out about how her situation with leukemia is going. I found out tonight that one of my poker playing buddies has been diagnosed with gastric cancer. That whizzes bigtime. I watched as he had to deal with it when his wife was diagnosed and she lasted about 3 years with it before it took her... The diagnosis for him is that it won't go the distance meaning that the usual prognosis is that the patient usually has about 5 years left. His cancer is advanced and they don't think he has anywhere close to 5 years. They're going to treat him with chemo and more chemo... that's about all there is to do. We're playing poker Wednesday night and he wants to play. He doesn't want us to make a big deal about it. The core group of us have been playing for about 15 years... I'm taking the approach of enjoying the time he has left and hoping for the best. I think of how much he really missed his wife. I know when she passed, it destroyed him. I think he may be thinking as this is an opportunity to reunite with her. When asked about the situation by one of the other poker guys', he responded in his typical gruff demeanor: "well, it's the same shit sandwich that was handed to my wife!" Ahhh doctors... someone's gotta love 'em...
The easy thing to do is to have a pitty party and say 'oh the heck with it'... but my faith is something that I have to lean on... I have to remind myself frequently that my faith is what is important. I have to find things to be joyful about and keep on keeping on... I choose to be happy in the face of fear and negativity... I choose my faith in God!

All things nutty...

Trying to catch my breath as the time has been flying by.
So much stuff has happened since last I checked in... I've probably forgotten more than I remember but I'll try to get to a couple of highlights:
Well since last I've written, the head coach of the lady's football team resigned, the head coach of the Cherokee hockey team was fired. Uh, let's see... I was doing a baseball game for BCSN when we came back from commercial, there was no batter going up to home plate. When I announced that there was an unexplained delay, my color analyst chimes in with "uh, mik, he's in the port-o-let down the right field line". When I said "okay", the guys in the production truck opt to get a camera shot of said port-a-potty. The guy comes out of there and his teammates are giving him the business pretty good. Our camera guy decides to stay with him and get a close-up. Let's just say it was a little too close-up! The guy's zipper was down as he was walking toward the plate and he spent 'quality time' trying to adjust himself (if you know what I mean), and had a tuff time getting his zipper pulled up... all of this going over the air of television. I sat there stunned, just watching my supposed broadcasting career going up in smoke when I finally thought "y'know what? just laugh at yourself and relax, will ya?" So while I'm watching this emmy-caliber broadcast on my monitor and wondering why the director didn't cut to another camera shot, I finally regain my composure after what felt like ten hours, but in reality, was only about 30 seconds. And I took a breath and made the only obvious comment that could have been made: "well, you can't get this with a satellite dish!!!" The entire press box broke up with laughter. I never did ask the director about what happened, but I guess he thought it was all funny and we joked about how it was the top of the mountain, in our broadcast careers. Looking back, I can now find some humor in it.
Yesterday, after the radio show, I went out to a local ball park as the lady's football team was playing our local Christian rock station YES-FM in a game of softball. Now the guys from the station are HORRIBLE. I watched them play... they're NOT softball players. However, as I came to find out yesterday, NEITHER ARE THE SPITFIRE!!! In fact, they were worse! They got their lunch handed to them by the radio folks to the tune of 16-6... So now I have to go on YES-FM on Monday morning at 7:20am and take the (almost) good-natured drubbing by the morning show... Yeah, it's a little crazy...

Checking In...

Popping in and out as I check the journals/blogs...
Today I feel better but my thoughts still float to others... JXN, I hope your mamaw recovers from her heart attack. The fact that she's going home is a great sign. Tina, I know it's been a bit, but I still think about you often and pray that you are dealing with things as best you can my friend... Riccie, ahhh yes my friend, I hope that things continue to be positive and that you continue to grow in your faith. You will be tested by the enemy in different ways, but your faith will get you through... Maggs, just a note to let you know that life isn't always perfect, but it's a lot better to think about what's good about this world instead of what's bad. You my friend, are exhibit A...
I tried to help my sister to find a certain water toy for her work and I drove all over town trying to find it, to no avail. So as an afterthought, I joke that she should try and use a garden hose sprayer to have fun with... she text messaged me this morning and said she took the advice and it worked out perfectly. Hey, sometimes it's better to be lucky than good. Tonight, I'm finally home with a little daylight for the first time in donkeys. My other sister and her hubby and their kids are on vacation and I am baby sitting the dog... who just so happens to be MY dog! But that's okay. I know that I can't give Penney all the attention and time that she needs. But here I sit and Pen is snuggled up against me, sleeping as I type. A man and his dog... does it get any better? Luvvvvvvvvvv that dog...

Time's Flyin' and I'm Having Fun... at least a little bit

Thursday musings as I throw out random thoughts...

August.... AUGUST??? What the hay?
I can't believe that we're in the eighth month of the year already... wow! Two-a-days start this week and on the hockey side, the main tryout camp for the Cherokee is this weekend. I can't wait... that is going to be soooo much fun...
Lots of little things have been going on... some things I've noticed, other things I haven't until they jump up and bite me... perfect example: I work during the mid-day at the hospital. I don't get to pick up my mail during the week very often because the hours of my local post office are not conducive to my work schedule. So I usually go down there about once a week (maybe) when my schedule permits. I went down there since I had today off... I hadn't been down there since early July... as I tossed away all of the junk mail etc, I discovered a couple of birthday cards that were sent to me (thanks Riccie and Jan) BEFORE my actual birthday (july 15) ! I felt like a big schmoe but then decided to just laugh about it and not take myself too seriously... I'm such a dork!
Woman update: the lady that liked me from the restaurant but I wasn't interested in her... well she's found somebody else! I was happy (and relieved) that she met a nice guy and they're hitting it off... ahhh yes! She was telling me all about it this morning. I sat there and with a big grin and probably seemed too supportive of her about it... ha-ha!
My fridge here at the house went on the fritz... so I'm going to go put it out with the garbage and think about the fact that I don't want to spend the money on a new one. I know someone who works at Whirlpool so I think I may go that route...
Is it me, or has anyone really heard much about that American Idol guy, Taylor Hicks? He did a single that went to #1 (I guess) but he's already jumped to doing jingles for Ford... Isn't that a bit of a step backwards? And so soon? The guy STILL looks like Joey Buttafuco!
And finally, it's been a blessing to write and keep in touch with you all. Even though my schedule is nuts and will jump to warp drive insanity in about two weeks, though I don't write every day anymore, doesn't mean that I don't get a few minutes to read emails and blogs... I'm still thinking about you guys: Tina, Maggs, Jan, Riccie, JXN, etc., you all have been very cool friends and that has made a lasting impression in this tired old scribe... Thanks!

Sunday School at WalMart...

As the song from KISS goes... HOT HOT... HOTTER THAN HELL! It was soooo hot this weekend. I spent my 2 days off from work doing the radio show on Saturday morning and then doing a couple of girls college softball games for TV. I didn't get the benefit of the broadcast booth. So I sat in the blazing sun, roasting from medium rare, to well done. We're talking lobster tan... I was getting wobbly out there with the temp in the 90s and 100% humidity... ahhh life. On Saturday night, I was so exhausted I sat and fell asleep in a chair. I woke up and yakked with a couple of friends (hint: I didn't start chatting with them until I was awakened by their rings. I am such a dork) Sunday, I went to Church in the morning and the message scored a direct hit on my psyche'. I needed to be smacked out of the funk that I was in for a couple of days. I started feeling that light back in my heart and left there feeling MUCH better. I had such a nice chat with God in the car on my way to... WalMart!!! Don't ask me why, but it was a about 15 minutes out of my way... and I felt that I had to go there. I'm glad I did. I grabbed a shopping cart and didn't make it 20 feet into the store when I saw school supplies on sale: ridiculous prices on school supplies. SO I knew right then and there, I had to load up! I went crazy and bought lots of supplies: colored pencils, notebooks, crayons, #2 pencils, glue... you name it. Now I managed to get about 20 more feet into the store when I ran into a friend of mine, Ron, who I hadn't seen in ages. He was telling me about his dad who is in the hospital and struggling a little bit. I smiled and let him know that I knew what he was going through... we stood there and talked for about 20 minutes. I saw another buddy of mine, Rick, who I haven't spent much time with him and his wife. The group of us were talking away like school kids when it occured to both of them that my shopping cart was full of school supplies... and I don't have any kids! I still loaded up and figured that I going to shock the crap out of my sister and brother-in-law and their boys... I'm such a dork! Ha!

Faith, Hope, and Love...

Ahhh,
It feels so good to be home. I have spent the last few days in a whirlwind of activity. Going all over the place and putting miles on my car like crazy. I went and saw my God-daughter. Man, is she getting big. I've been trying to get her to warm up to me... she cries whenever I pick her up... she doesn't like to hug or kiss me... man, it sounds like my love-life... Ha! Well, my other sister is going to the doctor on friday. They told her she indeed has leukemia. But the outlook seems to be more optimistic than previously thought. So we'll see what turns up. As of late, sometimes I can feel my faith being challenged. After losing Doug, and Julie and seeing things go kind of south in personal issues, it would've been easy to give in and say the hell with it all, and blame it on not being able to, or more appropriately, not WANTing to deal with life. But then I do things like go to church and I find messages that seem to speak to me and bring me back to reality and I realize that I have a purpose on this earth and even if I don't have all of the answers, I have to have HOPE. Hope is what sustains me when things don't always go my way. I make myself think about things I want to do in the NEAR future, not the distant. By making myself think about the near future, I find that those goals are reasonably attainable. Thinking about the football and hockey seasons coming up and wondering what games will I be able to broadcast on radio/and or TV? Little things like that are what I make myself focus on until it becomes natural and automatic. Things that are positive and good. I went to the county fair tonight. The house band at the church I go to was invited to play for the 3rd year in a row. It's a dreary, rainy, night and I wasn't expecting much but they pulled it off. The band rocked the house (well in this case, Skeldon Stadium) and people left the dry confines of seats in the baseball stadium underneath the 2nd deck over hang, to go out onto the baseball stadium grass (in the pouring rain) to stand near the band. That coupled with the music they played, was just what the doctor ordered for me. While the rain fell on me, I felt the pain of loss, frustration, exhaustion, dullness, repetition of things in my life... start to roll away with the rain drops that ran down me... I came home and after eating some ice cold watermelon... my tummy is fat and happy and I am ready for a good night's sleep. Gotta work at the hospital and then I have to go to my nephew's and help him fix something on his car (which I know nothing about), and then go somehow try and broadcast a tennis match for TV. I guess I should say broadcast without falling asleep during the match.... zzzzzzzz

Celebrating A Life... or Two

Hmm,
been a wacky couple of days. Yesterday was a tough one. Went to work and then left for a while so I could attend Doug's funeral. That was pretty tough on a lot of folks. I listened as Doug's sister gave the eulogy. It was of fond memories from the earliest childhood up through Doug and Carolyn meeting up and getting married just over a year ago. They lived together for some time but never got hitched until 13 months ago. The minister who did their wedding, also officiated this gathering as well. It was hard to see Doug lying there like that when I seen all of the pictures of him rock climbing. Carolyn was sitting there, looking tired and defeated. The wind taken out of her sails, trying somehow to make sense out of the senseless... Afterwards, I went back to work and sat there for a while. It seemed out of sorts to come back to some sense of normalcy when Carolyn is saying good-bye to the love of her life. Life really whizzes sometimes.
After work, I headed home and was hungry so I stopped at a local restaurant that I frequent and treated myself to a nice dinner. The girl who waited on me is always nice to me. We joke around from time to time and pick on each other when we see each other. On my birthday, when she found out it was that day, she went and brought me out a piece of strawberry pie with a candle on it. Just because. When I went in there yesterday, I saw a huge floral arrangement with a birthday balloon on top of it. I asked her who's birthday it was. She said it was hers. I asked if it came from her boyfriend and she tried to downplay that completely. Apparently it was from a customer who thinks that she's hot stuff. So she was trying to figure out who to dump the flowers on. I think she said her mom... anyway, I was razzing her about something or another and she was asking me about my day. I didn't want to replay it but I told her anyway and it kind of brought both of us down... so I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to end my day like that! I paid my bill, looked at Jaime and just gave a non-chalant nod and said "c'ya later" and left... what she didn't know was that I went to the store and bought a birthday cake, had them put 'happy birthday jaime' on it, and got her a bottle of wine for her and her boyfriend to relax with later... I walked back into the restaurant and surprised the living daylights out of her... she was 12 shades of red and laughing hysterically and totally shocked that I did this. She kept saying over and over 'you shouldn't have done this, I can't believe it!' I just smiled and said "hey, just enjoy yourself" and smiled and left. The look on her face when I made my exit was priceless... I went home in a very good mood... poured myself a diet lime coke and thought of Doug and Jaime... with a smile... Cranked open the computer and saw the great success of Riccie passing her exam. Now that was great! Congrats Riccie! I started the day off not really having much to smile about, but by the time my head hit the pillow, I was feeling a whole lot better...

A day off from work...

Had a day off from work on Thursday and told myself I needed to get some sleep. Boy did I. I think I slept something like 11 hours. I woke up at 6am and caught Fox News Channel's 'Fox and Friends' for a while. I love that show cause it feels like they're my friends and I'm having breakfast with them and we're talking about the day's happenings. They share their own personal opinions and I form mine. It's a blast.
Any way, I woke up late and grabbed a shower before heading back into town. I grabbed some lunch at McDonald's (normally a no-no) but today was a day that I didn't care about much of anything. I went shopping at office max and then went to the grocery store to pick up some stuff. Then I had the daunting task of going to the mortuary to see Doug and pay my respects. Carolyn looked to be okay as she was talking with a few folks. I walked over to the casket and Doug looked a lot older than he did when he was alive. But of course, he went through sheer hell to earn the right to go to heaven at the end of his life. So it all works out in the end, I guess. Anyway, I said a quick prayer and then went over to where Carolyn was talking. She looked over to me and her eyes grew big. She walked over to me and as I went to hug her, she buried her head into my chest and sobbed. She cried and cried and said 'I don't know if I'm going to be able make it through this.' That kind of rocked me. I was not expecting that necessarily. But I sucked it up and very gently, but confidently told her that she would make it. Not because she won't go through any more pain, but rather, although she lost the love of her life, the rest of us were here to hold her up. That it would take all of us to be there for her and do the things for her that Doug was able to do by himself. It clicked in my head that perhaps that is why we grieve so deeply for a spouse or partner. It takes everyone else that we know to mildly substitute for the one person who was able to do everything to satisfy their true love! I told her that we're all going to always miss him and that it will hurt. But that the best way to honor his memory is keep doing what we know how to do... live. Not to forget him, but to keep his memory alive. We talked about some things that Doug used to do. Carolyn managed a small smile and continued to talk with people that came up to offer her condolences. It was hard but I went over watch the video of pictures of him. Wow, I was moved in watching his pictures that documented times in his life. and now that life is over... at least here on earth. It was a little weird in that he passed on the same day (one year later) that my dad did. I shared that with Carolyn and she was stunned as was her son who was standing there. I mentioned the difference was one year and twenty minutes... that was kind of weird. But as I told her (to make her laugh), my big prayer at the time Doug went to heaven was to my dad to go have a beer with Doug while they are up there and that we'll be up there someday... hopefully not too soon. But that we continue to live and honor God and one day be reunited with all of those that have gone before us...
After I left there, I came home for a bit, and went to my kid sister and brother-n-law's... Tried to repair her printer but that was an excersise in futility. Now I'm home and am ready to hit the pillow and try it all again tomorrow... Good Lord willing...

A Solid Rock (climb)

Now then,
I'm more chipper today than yesterday. I am also more sore... more on that in a moment. First, we heard from Carolyn's son yesterday. He said that Carolyn has pulled it all together and is now 'a rock'... She sent the kids to their respective homes because she had 'stuff to do'... It was amazing, the transformation. That really surprised me. I knew how hard she battled to keep him alive. The docs offered her the opportunity to take him off of life-support. She didn't even think twice... NO WAY! Under no circumstances would she do that. He actually came around just enough that she could tell him that she loved him etc., I personally think it was Divine Intervention because Doug lasted long enough so that his step-son could go through with his own marriage a few weeks ago. Not only that, but Chris was able to go on a honeymoon too, I think. Maybe that's why Doug lasted this long. He wanted his family to celebrate all that is good about life, before he went on to eternal life, which is good for him, but sad for us because he's not with us here on earth. And Doug was a good man. A very good man. His accomplishments were many, but his outlook was simple...he loved life. He was an avid outdoorsman who loved hiking and rock climbing... and he was 63 years old!!! I'm more than 20 years younger and I don't even do anything near that active. Holy smokes, I start to sigh when I comb my hair and this guy was rock climbing out west in Idaho, Montana, and Wyoming up until this year! Geez, I feel like I need to do a whole lot more living! I am very sad at losing my friend, but am proud that he lived life to the fullest. I only hope that in the remaining time I have left on this earth, that I can pack more LIVING into life... I'm glad to have known Doug for as long as I did...

Bittersweetness...

Well,
Today was one that can be best described as bittersweet. Today was the 1st anniversary of my dad's passing. That was going to be tough to think about. But I got a good awakening from my radio partner Jamo. He called me on Sunday morning (while I was sitting in Church) and told about a phone call from the Golf Channel last night. The Channel wanted us to follow and film the golfer from the LPGA who's name is Natalie Gulbis. In her history, she very briefly dated Ben Rothlisberger last year. She does a reality show on the Golf Channel called (oddly enough) 'The Natalie Show'. Jamo, Dave and me had to wait for the producer to fly in from Florida to tell us what he wanted us to shoot. Most of the footage was of Natalie's dad. She and he are very close and he looks more like a biker that the father of an LPGA professional. Well since the LPGA was in Toledo for the Jamie Farr golf tournament, we were amongst the throng of people who were out there in the insanely hot weather. The heat index was well over 100 degrees farrenheit. I had to carry a TV video camera all over the golf course. It was heavy and I sweat myself silly. I walked all over the course. I was severly dehydrated and hadn't eaten much. But we got a lot of video footage and we thought for sure that Natalie would win. But she missed a key putt and finished regulation tied for first and ended up in a two hole playoff to determine the winner and lost. Prior to the playoff, the producer was making plans for Jamo, Dave, and I to follow Natalie out and about to paint the town red for her first victory on the LPGA tour. But instead, she finished in second and went to her rented house to be alone... So the producer, Jamo, Dave, and yours truly went to dinner and ate and really had a great time. I felt kind of odd because it was the anniversary of my dad heading to heaven. But my family told me earlier in the day that He would be proud of me... so I took it as a good sign.
I came home late Sunday night with the feeling of sheer exhaustion. I thought I'd check my email and head for bed... got a note from a co-worker that told me that Doug passed away on Sunday afternoon. That hit me in the solar-plexis... one year after losing my dad to the day. Wow. I didn't need that... Carolyn is a mess. She's trying to stay strong but is losing the battle. I really feel for her... God is picking himself up a good man. I hope that Carolyn can feel God's love. She's going to need it to survive a terrible blow like this...God Bless Doug... and Carolyn!

Ups, Downs, and Updates

How do,
This week started out pretty good... I was in rare form while figuring out what I was going to get Dylan for his birthday. I was all set to go see him and do the 'birthday' thing with him. But they opted for celebrating it this friday at Dyl's favorite place... the bowling alley! I personally can't stand bowling but I will be out there throwing that ball down the lane, making a fool out of myself because I love that kid... I'm still feeling a bit stung because with the joy of Dylan's birthday and the AAA baseball all-star game was here in Toledo this week and I had an absolute blast by my friends. The hospital network that I work for was the title sponsor for the week's events. I couldn't believe how much fun we had, but that was no match for my sister Lou's announcement that her docs believe she has leukemia... not much to smile about there... I've been having a wild variety of thoughts go through my head. My birthday is this weekend. Also this weekend is the first anniversary of my father's passing. Now Lou is dealing with this. I can't deal with it all. I ate like a moose the last few days. I don't know what to think or do. I'm used to being able to fix things or come up with a solution when it comes to my family. Right now I feel helpless and am kind of hacked off that I can't really do anything. But that is what true faith in God is, by it's very definition: the ability to believe when there is no reasonable explanation to show why something has or has not happened.
Today was day one of the Jamie Farr LPGA golf tournament. It's being held here in Toledo (okay the suburb of Sylvania... work with me here!) and I will look forward to it as I have to broadcast our radio show on Saturday morning from the tournament... Our show is a golf show after all... My head is swimming right now thinking about everything and nothing at the same time... ahhhh the heck with it. I'm going to stand on my faith for Lou and I am looking forward to enjoying myself this weekend...
Doug Update: I know it's been a while since I've mentioned my friend Doug. He was on death's door. We thought it was just a matter of hours till the end. But through faith and prayer (even his doctors don't know how he's hanging on), Doug is still alive. They still don't know how. My faith tells me he's still alive because he has a purpose. I believe he is still on earth, instead of in it, for a specific reason. I hope it's to survive and turn a negative into a positive and give God the glory... Keep fighting Doug!!! Carolyn has been off of work for about three months now and has not left his side... she loves him so... God Bless Her!

Lobster-fest (sunshine editon)

Before any of you go thinking that I spent the weekend eating seafood, the lobster reference is a reflection of how I spent the weekend out in the sun and let's just say I didn't have any suntan lotion nor shade for that matter. I am beet red and it hurts just to make facial expressions. I spent my days off (from the hospital) doing work for the TV station and I was broadcasting motocross (dirtbike racing) on Saturday, and Baseball on Sunday. I was fried by the time I made it home on Sunday. I thought about going and doing something but I ended up falling asleep watching the TV screen (hint: the TV was NOT turned on)... Well, today is day two with a new cell phone and new number. Those of you that have followed my blog for a while know about my previously delightful cell-phone experiences involving hoodies and toilets! Yippeeeeee! (no pun intended). Anyway, I switched carriers as soon as my T-mobile (aka 'useless') contract was up and now am with Verizon... hope things go better with them... at least they can hear me now... Good! And before I forget, a very happy 10th birthday to my nephew Dylan. That kid never fails to amaze me with how cool he is... and he's only 10 years old!!! He and his brother are two of the smartest (and craftiest) wise acres that I know... I feel like I'm chatting with two adults sometimes... I guess I am getting old...

Sleeping through fireworks

Tuesday was a day that was lonnnng and boring... Went and had breakfast at my usual stomping grounds. The waitress I know asked if I was going to work and I acknowledged that I was... she said "ohhhhh, wow, I didn't think that you'd have to work today..." she said it in a way that suggested that she wanted to do something today... maybe with me. I don't know and I don't really want to know... Work was borrring to say the least, but at least it's time and a half. I came home and thought about going to downtown Toledo and watching the fireworks but told myself to just walk to the beach and catch them from home... of course I was sitting on my butt watching a movie when the fireworks went off, so I opted for the movie instead...I'm such a dork!

Red White and feeling blue no more...

Ohhh man...
I'm dragging but a good kind of dragging... This weekend was the first one where I didn't have to go out of town or work at the hospital in quite some time... To say that I needed this time off is a great, great understatement... The area here on the lake where I live had an area-wide garage-sale day today. I left early Saturday morning to go and do my radio show and when I came back home and went to park alongside my house... people who I didn't even know had already parked on my grass... I saw them come towards the car and very politely asked them to move their vehicle because I had to park my car and I lived there. They said "you should put a sign on your property that says 'no parking'... it took everythng I had to not laugh outloud and say "um, now explain to me why I would put up a no parking sign on my own property"???? But the locals near me got a kick out of it and we enjoyed the day's proceedings. People were very friendly and it was actually a terrific time... People were walking up and down the streets and we laughed lots and lots... After doing a little garage sale-ing, I went home and took a brief nap. My sister called and her and her sister-in-law and their kids were putzing around since both of their husbands were working. I invited them over since I'm only about 45 yards from the beach. Plus, we had the fireworks going off at about ten... so they all came over and were surprised at where I live... They didn't realize how close to the beach I was...
At night-fall, the kids were all giddy with anticipation... I watched them swim out in the lake and they just had a ball. They ate corn dogs, elephant ears, and other food that was unhealthy. I wish I could've fed them (and me) more... we drank fresh squeezed lemonade and it was so wonderful. When the fireworks started, we all sat on the beach and I watched my nephews and the expressions on their faces said it all... They were applauding throughout the fireworks display since it was literally right over their heads. They watched in awe... I am so jaded from being able to appreciate simple pleasures like that anymore... but watching them in their innocence, appreciate something so simple as a fireworks display, really touched me inside. So maybe I'm just jaded and these things don't always mean as much to me... but to watch them look at the night sky as if it held the key to their happiness, It caused my heart to warm and grow which is something it hasn't done in quite sometime. As we walked back to my house and said so long, the boys were grateful and I just said "hey, no problem... come on back". Inside I wanted to say 'thank you guys for restoring some of the warmth I used to have' and letting me feel like a kid again... even though my innocence waved bye-bye to me a long time ago, I still felt a flicker of it on Saturday night... I have to find a lot of gratitude in that...