A Look Back... A Look Ahead...

So as 2006 comes to a close, I would normally do a month by month look back at what happened in the last 12 months. However, I started the year hurting pretty bad and ended it pretty happy. So instead of all the rehashing, I am going to look back at a few lows and highs and comment on the overall of where I am at these days. Of course '06 saw Tanner's suicide, Steve being killed by a drunk driver and Greeds heart giving out just before Christmas in '05. Not alot of positive stuff. It still is a bummer. The obvious low point for me was that the girl who at the time I wanted to spend my life with, bid me adieu under very 'peculiar' circumstances. In January, I went to her apartment twice in the beginning of the month to leave food at her front doorstep for her and her son. I had a key to her apartment, but since I was looked upon with disdain by her, I never did anything more than leave food there at her doorstep without trying to talk to her. It was at that point that I had to make some difficult decisions about this person. She was accusing me of some pretty nasty garbage, not realizing we still had/have mutual friends. I had to decide if all of this was worth it... Six years of trying, only to discover some lies, deceit, and drama queen behavior that I wasn't prepared for. The worst of all of this mess led to the road that gave me the highest of highs. I finally discovered a number of reasons that I HAD to let go and really stand on my faith. So last winter/ spring, I did just that. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it was soooo worth it. I couldn't do it alone and the help of some good friends really opened my eyes to some things and it made it so much easier to let go of that stupidity that was the waste of time the last six years posed. Since then, she has yet another guy and moved in and now is going to be getting married to him. A year ago, I probably would've been devistated. Today, I find the whole thing laughable and am so grateful that I am no longer a part of that mess. Instead of bitterness, I choose to take the high road and wish her every happiness and success in her future. And thank God that I'm not a part of it...
Since summer, I've been trying to stay focused on what is good and take a much more positive approach to life. It hasn't been easy. Watching a couple of my sisters' health start to slide has not been a lot of fun. But their attitudes have been inspirational and watching them display joy at some real low points fueled my resolve to be a better Christian and show it more by action and not by words. I guess the thing I have discovered about myself and about life, is that there will always be more questions than answers. I don't have answers to a ton of questions that I have. But that is why I have faith. I believe that even though I don't have any answers to questions about many things that have happened in my life, I have come to the point where I choose to accept that I will never know all the answers and I have to be okay with that. It allows me to let go of some things and be able to move on... more importantly, to move on and be happy. That is one of the best things to happen to me. I look forward to what 2007 will bring. I look forward to those of you who read this group of little blurbs from time to time, stopping by again and saying hello. I don't know what the new year will hold, but I am going in with child like eyes, optimism, and hope... To all of you, friend and foe alike, I wish you the very best that 2007 has to offer... God Bless...