Thursday, July 20, 2006

A day off from work...

Had a day off from work on Thursday and told myself I needed to get some sleep. Boy did I. I think I slept something like 11 hours. I woke up at 6am and caught Fox News Channel's 'Fox and Friends' for a while. I love that show cause it feels like they're my friends and I'm having breakfast with them and we're talking about the day's happenings. They share their own personal opinions and I form mine. It's a blast.
Any way, I woke up late and grabbed a shower before heading back into town. I grabbed some lunch at McDonald's (normally a no-no) but today was a day that I didn't care about much of anything. I went shopping at office max and then went to the grocery store to pick up some stuff. Then I had the daunting task of going to the mortuary to see Doug and pay my respects. Carolyn looked to be okay as she was talking with a few folks. I walked over to the casket and Doug looked a lot older than he did when he was alive. But of course, he went through sheer hell to earn the right to go to heaven at the end of his life. So it all works out in the end, I guess. Anyway, I said a quick prayer and then went over to where Carolyn was talking. She looked over to me and her eyes grew big. She walked over to me and as I went to hug her, she buried her head into my chest and sobbed. She cried and cried and said 'I don't know if I'm going to be able make it through this.' That kind of rocked me. I was not expecting that necessarily. But I sucked it up and very gently, but confidently told her that she would make it. Not because she won't go through any more pain, but rather, although she lost the love of her life, the rest of us were here to hold her up. That it would take all of us to be there for her and do the things for her that Doug was able to do by himself. It clicked in my head that perhaps that is why we grieve so deeply for a spouse or partner. It takes everyone else that we know to mildly substitute for the one person who was able to do everything to satisfy their true love! I told her that we're all going to always miss him and that it will hurt. But that the best way to honor his memory is keep doing what we know how to do... live. Not to forget him, but to keep his memory alive. We talked about some things that Doug used to do. Carolyn managed a small smile and continued to talk with people that came up to offer her condolences. It was hard but I went over watch the video of pictures of him. Wow, I was moved in watching his pictures that documented times in his life. and now that life is over... at least here on earth. It was a little weird in that he passed on the same day (one year later) that my dad did. I shared that with Carolyn and she was stunned as was her son who was standing there. I mentioned the difference was one year and twenty minutes... that was kind of weird. But as I told her (to make her laugh), my big prayer at the time Doug went to heaven was to my dad to go have a beer with Doug while they are up there and that we'll be up there someday... hopefully not too soon. But that we continue to live and honor God and one day be reunited with all of those that have gone before us...
After I left there, I came home for a bit, and went to my kid sister and brother-n-law's... Tried to repair her printer but that was an excersise in futility. Now I'm home and am ready to hit the pillow and try it all again tomorrow... Good Lord willing...

4 comments:

Maggs said...

Good for you, taking a day off! Sometimes we DO need that day during the week to sleep, or heck, just a mental health day.

You are such a sweet man. You never cease to amaze me how you step up to the plate for your friends and family. There is a special place for you in heaven.

Mik said...

I appreciate the kind words Maggs. But I'm imperfect and screw up just like anyone else. I just try stay positive even when things go down the tubes as they do from time to time... The reason I can step up to the plate for some folks is because they've stepped up for me. They have loved, lost, gone off of the deep end, and through it all, they survived and endured. I have learned more from them than they will ever learn from me. So any compliments for me Maggs, while deeply appreciated, are just a reflection of the people I've had the privilage to call friend... My family are WAY more helpful than I am. If a problem arises, I try to think of a solution and dismiss it. My family are more likely to become involved and do something... I'm not ripping myself at all here. But as much as you are showing appreciation of me here, I just wanted you to know that it's those who went through these things first, that have paved the way for me to be who I am... thanks...

Ophelia said...

I didn't realize there's been so much hard things in your life again. Where did you find those comforting words for Carolyn?

Riccie said...

This one is very touching, Mik. You are a good guy.