Taking Stock Of What Matters...

As we head into the weekend, I'm just in a mood of gratitude... I'm dealing with a severe sore throat, a slight temp, a bit of nausea... hey, maybe I'm pregnant! Heard about my little buddy Haley's scan yesterday. They found another spot near her pancreas. They are not sure if it's more CA or if it's scar tissue. She refused to take the contrast so the docs could tell. But next time she goes in, they're going to sedate her so that they can administer the contrast and find out what she's dealing with... Yeah, I'm nervous. And I'm not even a blood relative. I can't stand that this is happening to a three year old girl. But y'know what? If she and her mom and dad aren't going to say 'why Haley?' then why should I? I flat out love that little kid. She is such a bundle of joy whenever I see her. She never complains, and is always looking forward to seeing people... including me. She and her folks stopped by the office the other day and I wasn't in... she kept looking around and finally asked "mommy, where's the boy?" When they told me what she said, I wanted to laugh, but I kinda wanted to cry too. It's times like this where my faith in God can come under a challenge. I mean, some people might want to say: "why did God let something like this happen to such a sweet adorable child?" It would be easy for a person to question why God would allow bad things to happen to good people... If I tried to write about my friend Candi, I'd be here writing for days, trying to describe how amazing that woman is and why she not only has my deepest respect, but why she has become a hero I look up to... But that's where my faith in Him has to decisive and firm. First, believing in God does not mean peace FROM difficulties, but peace DURING difficulties. God is not a little old man who acts like a warlock and can cast spells to get at bad people on an as needed basis. God has given ALL of us a very tremendous gift... the gift of FREE WILL. He doesn't force us to believe in Him. We can completely walk away from Him if we so choose. Those of us who choose to believe, must understand that it is HE whom we honor. He whom we give ourselves to. And how is the best way to display how we should honor Him? Easy. By how we treat others. I don't need to be some holier than thou holy roller. I need to serve others and treat them with compassion, respect, dignity, and love. He says: "when you do unto the least of these, you dounto Me." So I CHOOSE to feel gratitude in times of worry and pray and stand on my faith that God's will (not mine) be done. As screwed up an individual as I am, I believe that while I have a list a mile long of wants, needs, and desires, at the end of the day, I prefer to believe that there is a loving God who knows what's best for me and can save me from myself. Faith by it's very definition is choosing to belive even though I don't have all of the answers. And I have to be okay with that. Otherwise, why have faith. If I had the all of the answers to every question, heartbreak, and disappointment, why would I need God? Fact is, I DO need him and I hope to be a better Christian. Not a religious person, but a Christian. There IS a difference. I want to be more helpful to my fellow man. It's people like Haley and Candi that have been such an inspiration to me when my faith has been tested and at it's weakest. And friends like Mike, Riccie, Dan, and Tina have been good friends to me here and have been there when I've needed them. So yeah, I feel more like expressing gratitude instead of worry and doubt. I am BLESSED... Yep!