Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A Pity Party

I guess I'm in a bit of a snotty mood. So forgive me for that right off the top. I had a borish day at work so that wasn't the problem. I don't know. I left work, went to a funeral home to pay my respects to a good friend of mine who lost her mom. She threw her arms around me and was so greatful and touched by me stopping by. I talked with her and her husband for a bit and then headed for home. I just don't know what it is... well, maybe I do... I've had to go through losing three friends who impacted me in my work life since the beginning of this year... and we're not even two months in to 2006 yet!!! I keep thinking about Tanner (from hockey), John, and Steve (from the hospital) and I wonder what in the world is going on? But then I start to get mad at myself because I know there are others out there who have lost loved ones much closer than I have. Those who have lost spouses. Those who have lost a child. Those people are suffering much deeper and it is when I think about them, that I feel so ridiculous for having a pity party for myself. I guess I'm ticked off... Not at God, not at my friends... I'm all kinds of cheesed off at death. I'm fed up with death... I know that it is a part of life... But I hate death! The only way I know how to get back at death is to try and embrace life and live it... my thinking is that when I am feeling sorry for myself about losing those that I've lost, then death wins. But when I choose to embrace life and place my focus on what is good about life, then I feel like I'm telling death to take a hike... I guess maybe I needed to get something off my chest... Sometimes I start writing about one thing, then out of nowhere... I go off about something I wasn't expecting to... SO THERE!!! I think I actually feel a little bit better... I'm such a dork!

3 comments:

Ophelia said...

Mik, to begin with, you cannot compare sorrow. Your sorrow isn't less important than somebody else's. You know that, don't you? Because in every loss we go through our own mortality. It's important. Don't dismiss it.

And secondly, we're with you. Your friends. You can feel just the way you need to feel. Besides, your sorrow makes it easier for to understand the sorrow of other people. And my sorrow makes it possible for me to support you. It's that simple.

Jackson said...

ophelia's got it right :)

Sometimes I get in funks too about life not death. lol

Mik said...

Thank you ladies... I needed a kick in the pants to snap out of this mood. I'm feeling better now... thank you for being there...