Friday, May 11, 2007

A Grateful Heart, A Thankful Heart...

I sit here a very humbled man...
I've been sitting here over the last couple of days, trying to process what life has dealt and what I've done to make life better or worse (depending on your point of view)... I didn't like how much I was feeling so negative. I understand feeling genuine sadness, that's normal. With everything that's happened this week already, I allowed myself a little time for feeling sad. But I began to notice I was just plain negative about everything. I wasn't nasty to anyone (at least not intentionally) but I could feel the cynical streak inside of me coming to the front of the class, standing at the chalkboard, ready write lots of chapters. Nope. Not this time. I couldn't let that happen again. Of course the big question in my heart was 'How?'... How could I keep my melancholy in check? Oh, I know that God is good... I believe that. It's a part of me. But as a weak mortal, I didn't think about other avenues the Lord can use. And boy, did He... I received a such a caring response here and via e-mail that I can't put into words the gratitude... the sheer thankfulness that I am experiencing for the time that people took to offer to pray for me. To pray for my friend Sonja and her family. For things that I didn't even mention here. And all of this was from people, some of whom didn't (don't) even know me. I can't find the words to express the deep, deep appreciation I have for all of you that took the time to lift me up in prayer. To reach outside of yourselves, outside of your comfort zone, and to think about me and those that I care about. 'Thank You' seems so inadequate for what you've done for me. But I very humbly say thank you for prayers... Prayers that did wonders...
Today started out on a tough note as I went to see Sonja for the last time. Her family seemed to be doing okay for the most part. I walked in there not in the best of moods because I got lost and went to the wrong funeral home first... A story in itself. I figured that Sonja would be laughing at me if she was here. So my frustration was short-lived. I walked in and as I approached her casket, I was stunned. I knew her vehicle had flipped several times and she was killed instantly. But she had to have some serious cosmetic work done to be presented in an open casket. I can't even imagine how frightening it must've been. I didn't spend too much time up there. I said some prayers and headed over to the pictures display. I preferred to remember her in those pictures because that was the Sonja I knew... Her husband was standing there not really saying much. Who could blame him? I left and went home, just feeling really small and sad.
But as God closes one door, He opens another. One of the things I was really struggling with was the discovery that a friend of mine, someone I really look up to, someone I respect and have grown to be very fond of, was seen by his doctor and there was a serious probability of my friend having tongue cancer. Oh, I forgot to mention, he sings in his church's choir, and sings in a music group (bluegrass gospel) and has a ministry of his own. The thought of him losing his tongue and not being able to verbalize and sing for Jesus was so very disheartening. I was fully expecting for the tests to come back positive. I mentally prepared for the worst. When you work in a hospital as long as I have, you don't allow yourself to get too hopeful. I was praying for the miracle but readied myself for what might come. This afternoon I got the most wonderful of news... the results were NEGATIVE! NO cancer baby!!! To His Name be the Glory!!! I threw my arms up in praise and thanksgiving. I couldn't hold back! I was overwhelmed. I couldn't stop smiling. I wanted to cry but the tearducts were bone dry. So I just laughed... I laughed and had such a feeling of joy come over me... I must be getting old or something. I went and celebrated by going through the drive thru at Taco Hell... er, Bell... :) I am so grateful to God for His goodness and mercy. I don't deserve it, but I am so blessed because He gave me the strength to not only say goodbye to a friend, but say hello to a second chance at life with another friend. He is an awesome God...


"give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus..." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

2 comments:

Sundae said...

Mik, I am so sorry that you had to go through the process of saying good by to a friend. I have funeral home phobia. But, I just wanted to thank you for the concern and the prayers I know that you said concerning my brother. Many prayers were offered up and I believe a miracle happened. I think God heard and acted on those prayers. I too am humbled, nothing like watching someone you love and respect being threatened by a serious illness to get you there quick. You are a good friend to my family and I thank you for that. Take care and we shall rejoice in the good news.

Jackson said...

Thank- you mik! You know how I feel about you :)