When Change Is Good

Oh my,
Got to spend time with my nephew this weekend. He's home from graduating boot camp and my goodness, what a change! He's been spending time with the family which is something that he didn't ever want to do before. When he went down there, he was a big football playing offensive lineman with a terrible attitude. Well, as he says himself "they broke me". He literally and figuratively , got his butt kicked. He mentioned some of the horror stories that went on, during his time there. Very sobering. But when he came home, he was 45 pounds lighter and just a completely different person. He stopped going to church and believing in God before he went in. After enduring some of the stuff that he did, he went to church this weekend for the first time since my dad passed away back in '05... I couldn't believe this kid. He was talking very self assuredly and with a confidence I had not seen in years. He talked about his future with optimism and a strong conviction. I was beaming with pride that I had my 'real' nephew back. My other nephews (his cousins) were going crazy just hugging him and being so proud of him. I'll put a pic or two up when I get them from my sister. But that was my weekend. I hope my week is a good one. Yours too...

Feeling a Little Grateful...

S'up people, (my best 'hood lingo) Ha!
I am getting excited because my nephew is coming home for ten days... he's a Marine and I am soooo proud of him. He has really grown up. I knew he would, but it's still something to see the difference. I hope to spend some time with him while he's here. He is a good kid. Well, I guess I should say a good young man now.
Anyway, I got the word on little Haley's new baby brother Tristan. He's going to have open heart surgery this coming week. It'll be the first of several to correct a lot of problems with his heart. The great news is that the doctors think that once they complete the surgeries, Tristan should be able to develop as a normal healthy little boy. And Haley's numbers have been very good. They wait a little while before they start throwing out the term 'cancer free' but hey, hope rules the day. Their parents deserve a break. Two kids and they both have had to deal with serious life-threatening issues. Enough already.
Right now I'm house and dog sitting till Saturday. The dog is keeping me awake because she keeps wanting to go do her 'business' during the night. It doesn't mix well with working a dayshift and remaining focused... zzzzzz My eyes are struggling to stay open...

Back Where It Used To Hurt...

Editors Note: Anyone who has read this site for any length of time knows that I like to write my own songs/poems/weird crappola... and will post the lyrics up here from time to time. That's just me. That's why I call this 'Diary of Rock-n-Roll Men'... Sometimes when I have the urge to write, I will come up with useless drivel... such is life. And sometimes I have to go back and revisit where I came from in order to remind myself how far I've come and realize how blessed I truly am. This is one of those times. Didn't have the best of days (no one else's fault, just a rough day...) so instead of forcing myself to write something positive, I decided to go back to that place and re-examine where I was... well, as you will read here, instead of it being completely hopeless and empty, there's hope at the end because where I start out and where I end up... well, it's a true story. From where I once was, to where I am today. Two very different places...


Dark Stars

Alone in the dark… my head is full of questions that won’t see the light
I stare at the stars… I look and wonder how long I can keep up the fight

I should know better because I’m still standing here
But my mind’s playing games and it’s full of fear
Has anyone else felt like their life’s set on fire to burn?
I didn’t know which way my life should turn

Looking to the sky… Why won’t you speak when I need to hear your voice?
I tried to say goodbye… but somehow I felt that it wasn’t the right choice

Something inside is eating away at my soul
It’s tearing me up more than anyone knows
It’s good versus evil it’s right versus wrong
And my mind’s not sure if it can hold out for long

Sometimes it’s so hard. I want to listen to what else is going on in my mind
They say I’ve gone too far, that I’ll never reach that peace that I want to find

Then it clicked in my head that You let me see
My desire to live was the gift You gave to me
Of all the strange voices that I hear in my head
Yours is the only one that’s risen from the dead

I have nothing to hope for when it’s just my belief
But when You are there then it’s to my relief
That no matter how many times I go outside the lines
It’s because of Your Love that I know I will survive

So I give You my heart and I give You my soul
Your Glory and Grace, two things I will always know
The joy in my heart, takes the place of all of the pain
You put it there and I know I will live once again

Again, I'm not deep in depression or anything right now. But some times I need to remember how miserable I used to be so that I can appreciate where I'm at now which is a very happy person... I used to be the exact opposite. Very dark, very empty... I used to take comfort in being unhappy. No surprises, I knew I could count on it... like an old friend. Well, nowadays, I have NO time for friends like that! I want to live! and by the Grace of God... I WILL!!!

A Stone's Throw...

So... My lone, dark shadow at the bottom of the picture. I've been a whirlwind of emotions over the last week. I've been happy, disappointed, mad at myself, anxious, nervous, nauseous... hey, maybe I'm pregnant? I am not sure what to think about some things right now... My boss at work called me into her office on the first day that I come back from a few days off and I'm thinking to myself 'okay, did I do something I shouldn't have before I left? Noooo...' So I wasn't too sure what she might want when I walked in. I was surprised when she said she wanted my advice on a couple of issues going on at work. Thank goodness, I kept my poker-face intact. I smiled, hid my surprise (relief) and pretended to be interested in what she had to say. She never called me into her office before to ask advice. It was a little weird.
Went to church this morning (and Jackson, if you read this, I was representin' JV style... sportin' the shirt! yeah, that's right!) I hadn't been to the Creek in a couple of weeks so it was good to be back home... I really enjoyed JXN's church though. It really had a 'home' feel to it. They really made me feel welcomed. It was very cool...
Had today off from everything. Last night, after starting the season with an OT win, my girls the Spitfire, went to Kalamazoo and took it on the chin by a 50-0 score. Today was better and after I came home from church, I cruised in to town, only to see that lots of people converged on my town and went to the beach and walked along the pier... at the end of the pier, there were people fishing. Later in the afternoon, I went for a walk along the pier, and climbed down onto the rocks. I sat down and looked over across the beach and watched the little kids swim. It was a very warm breezy day here on the lake and lots of people came out to relax. The waves crashed against the rocks, causing the water to mist and spray across the rocks, the pier... ME... ;) anyway, I did alot of thinking (probably too much thinking) about everything and nothing... the usual questions:
Will I ever be a success? Will I ever be happy? Who invented plaid pants? With a nod to Steve Martin: Is it okay to yell 'movie' in a crowded firehouse? y'know, deep, probing questions... lol... another week of work begins...zzzzz....

Logistics, Language, and Lingo...

Alright kids, I swiped these pics from Jackson... She is amazing...
I'm trying to figure out some stuff here and I am trying to have a sense of humor about it... First, some logistics:
Temperature when I left Kentucky: 72 degrees. The temp when I got home to Toledo: 40 with rain and wind. Since then, the weather has improved dramatically here. How much southern lingo did I pick up whilst I was there? Not a lot. I have noticed an increase in my use of the term 'y'all' but not much else. I still have a smile on my face thinking about the trip. I can't help it. Jackson is such a hoot. And I hope to go back there and see her and her family again...
Okay a funny moment... sort of: My sister calls me at work as she is a bit riled up. Apparently some kid at school has had it in for my little nephew Dyl. Last year, this kid called Dyl a 'spic' and a 'dirty little mexican'... (my thought: the kid is too young to have those thoughts on his own) ... well, a teacher heard it and made the kid and Dyl go to a meeting and 'resolve' the issue by saying how wrong it was to say that and not to do it again. A valid point to a minor degree. Well, apparently the kid didn't seem to get the message that he wasn't supposed to talk like that in school anymore. He saw Dyl at recess and came up to him and called him those names again. This time around, Dyl opted for a ten year old's alternative to rationalizing things out. He dropped the kid flat out with one punch. Another teacher witnessed the whole thing. She made Dyl follow her and took him to his regular teacher. When asked about it, Dyl just shrugged his shoulders and said "I wasn't doing anything. But I bet he doesn't call me that again." Oh, to be ten again... After hearing what happened, Dyl's teacher told him to go out and play. Apparently the other kid is in a bit of trouble. Hmm... go figure. I can only imagine what the his parents are saying... Or maybe the kid actually was saying what his parents say... who knows? I just know that I'm proud of my nephew. Not that I condone violence. But sometimes you just gotta stand up for yourself and settle things before they get worse. Dyl wants to be a rock musician. Not a boxer. But he knows how to protect himself and his little brother too... Apparently now so do the other kids on the playground...
Last random thought before I go get some shuteye: Haley's new baby brother, Tristan has some big time complications with his heart (holes and the wiring is a mess) and he'll require multiple operations to have a shot at living. Sorry to end on such a down note. But that just flat out whizzes... But Haley is doing better and I'm grateful to God for that. Keep fighting Tristan. I hope you have some of Dyl's spunk. Lord, he's in your hands...

Friends of the South...

Wow,
that's about all of the energy I have left to say is... wow. Took some time off for the first time in over seven years and did something for me. Not time off for something work/broadcasting related. Not for the Cherokee. No family work related stuff. Just for me. I took some time off and went and headed down south of home to meet a couple of friends. One for the first time, and one for the second. Both are, um, southerners (editor's note: if you have a Texas backround as do I, it only serves as a minor help in interpreting cajun and blue grass...) Only kidding... I stopped in Dayton and had an iced tea with my favorite cajun, Riccie. Riccie was great to talk to (and she only has a hint of an accent) as she and I sat inside of Applebees and watched the rain come pouring down with the cold wind and it reminded me why Toledoans have such a low regard for Dayton. Even their weather is awful... :) Actually, Riccie and I had a great time in spite of the dreary conditions outside.
I left Dayton and headed down into Kentucky because I needed to go see Jackson. I promised her that I would come down and see what she and her family does for ministry at two churches. I headed down from Dayton and spent the night at a motel somewhere near them as I didn't get near their town till about midnight. And then the adventure started. There were no rooms available at most places and the one place that I did find a room, well, the room had no heat and all they had was a faulty space heater. Perfect. Someone cue ‘Dueling Banjos’ from the movie ‘Deliverance’… Took a walk outside and looked at the locals and it occurred to me that the mullet still rules in these parts. I smiled and no one was the wiser…
On Sunday, I woke up and went into town to the Church where Jackson and her folks were. The first person I see when I go in is the pastor who didn’t recognize me so immediately introduces him self. I thought “okay, nice enough man”… and didn’t think anything of it. Not until about six other people came up and introduced themselves to me and asked if I was Jackson’s friend because she mentioned that I’d be coming in for a visit. I laughed to myself because it almost turned into a mini-press conference. I LOVED it… I walked over and saw Jackson and her eyes lit up. I couldn’t suppress my smile. She is amazing. I sit right by her at the service and several selections were played and they were requested by Jackson herself. I couldn’t help but feel so proud of her. Because I might be late in coming into getting to know Jackson, but based on what others told me away from her, its obvious this lady is someone special to behold. She does not let her physical setbacks keep her from living life.
I spent a couple of days there and went to the other Church to see what Jackson and her family do for outreach in the poorer section of the community. I was stunned at the daunting task that they face week in and week out. But they do it with a smile. Always. The volunteers there are nothing short of incredible. It was humbling to watch them do what they did… Jackson’s dad (JD) and Jackson’s mom (JM) are something else. JD is a very smart man who works tirelessly between his day job and this labor of love. JM is the ultimate in great ladies. I watched in awe as she would do everything to help Jackson with her physical needs and never bat an eye. Then she’d whip up some amazing grub to eat and go and do 12 different things at once over at the Church and make time to talk to people who wanted some of her busy time and never lost an iota of energy. I got tired watching her go. When I headed back home, she packed me a 5-star meal. I’m not kidding. I love small, out of the way places with local little hole in the wall restaurants. But NONE held a candle to JM’s cooking. She is AWESOME. It was better than any restaurant food and I’m talking gourmet restaurants. Just an amazing lady… I couldn’t say enough. By the way, I also got meet Jackson’s aunt Sundae. She is sooo cool. I really enjoyed talking with her and Jackson. They both were making me laugh after Church on Sunday. I really had a great time there.
Well, now I’m home and while the six hour drive was uneventful, I have to get ready for the daily grind in a matter of a few hours… Hope you all are doing well, I haven’t heard from work about Haley or her new little brother who is literally battling for his life as a newborn. I’ll let y’all know what is going on tomorrow…

Senior Commandos...

Y'know... sometimes I don't mind mixing it up with the female contingent when the situation is appropriate. But this was not one of those times. For those that don't know, in my office, I'm the youngest person in there. Now mind you, I'm going to chalk up my 43rd b-day in the summer. So I'm no real spring chicken to begin with... the ladies in the office are more than a few years older than me. Only one person is a couple of years older than me. I think. And then the rest are all grandmothers. I used to be a mean sort back in the day and call the department "the wrinkle ranch"... I know, I know... I wasn't very nice back then. But now that I'm older, wiser, and have a wrinkle or two m'self, I simply refer to the ladies as "my girls"... they like that. They treat me like I'm their baby boy... Now the reason for this set up is because I had a situation arise where I had to explain the NON-military definition of the word "commando". It was awkward to say the least. None of 'my girls' were aware of what 'going commando' meant. Of course anytime there is an issue of language or 'what the kids say these days' every one of them look at me, like I know every thing there is to know about 18 year-olds and the way they communicate. Granted, I work with them in terms of the sportsworld. But those kids also spice up their lingo with plenty of four-letter words and I don't need to translate that! :) But I will say that once I defined the 'other' version of the word 'commando', I was met with some high-brow looks of shock, surprise, and then some giggles and a couple of the ladies asking more questions about 'what it's like to go out like that?' and 'maybe that would be interesting to try'. After that, I immediately cringed and told them "okay, that's three minutes of my life that I will NEVER get back, now stop it!" I don't blush easily or often, but the ladies in my department were giving me grief about how red I was turning. Under NO circumstances would I allow myself to picture them going out all dressed up, with no underpants on... ewwwwww!!!! I told them to never ever ask me questions like that again which made them laugh at me even more. I told them I would be scarred for life because of this... they were happy about that! Ugh... I give up... :)

Defrosting the Easter Ham... ME!

And on the third day, He rose...

Now, I must say that I am just starting to warm up after spending yesterday in an igloo in Ann Arbor. I had to do the Spitfire women's football game and it was insane. It was 35 mph winds in 20 degree weather to make the wind chill about the same as in Antartica. My job was made worse because there was no PA announcer. SO ... in addition to doing the play by play on the internet, I also had to do the PA announcing. Oh joy. Could it get any better? I was eating pizza after the game because I wanted to warm up and not because I was hungry. There were no hot drinks there, only gatorade. HELLLLLLP!
Easter Sunday, I went to church and it was kind of sobering. I kinda was expecting a real upbeat service because HE rose. Well, it was more about what He went through to give Himself up for us and our sins. I sat there kind of stunned. But at the last song of the service, it was much more upbeat. It's not always supposed to be pretty. I understand that. I'm just grateful that He forgave me instead of giving me what I truly deserve. Hopeful that l can do a better job of being a good person. Yeah I'll probably still screw up. But it's comforting to know that He's there to steer me in the right direction and to put it in my heart continuing to try and do the right thing. Especially when no one is watching... Hey God, thanks for dying for my sins... forgiving me when I screw up, and for the knowledge to know that I can do better. I can never make it up to you, but I will try to keep doing things that You approve of... thanks...
HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!

A good Good Friday to you...

This is a excerpt from the book 'Six Hours One Friday' by Max Lucado. It is a great story about the ultimate in forgiveness and redemption. It means a lot to me because it's a reminder that no matter how bad things are, it's never too late...

Good Friday
Skull's hill-windswept and stony. The thief-gaunt and pale. Hinges squeak as the door of death closes on his life. His situation is pitiful. He's taking the last step down the spiral staircase of failure. One crime after another. One rejection after another. Lower and lower he descended until he reached the bottom---a crossbeam and three spikes. He can't hide who he is. His only clothing is the cloak of his disgrace. No fancy jargon. No impressive resume. No Sunday school afterwards. Just a naked history of failure. He sees Jesus. Earlier he had mocked the man. When the crowd first chorused its criticism, he'd sung his part. But now he doesn't mock Jesus. He studies him. He begins to wonder who this man might be. How strange. He doesn't resist the nails; he almost invites them.He hears the jests and the insults and sees the man remain quiet. He sees the fresh blood on Jesus' cheeks, the crown of thorns scraping Jesus' scalp, and he hears the hoarse whisper, "Father, forgive them." Why do they want him dead? Slowly the thief's curiosity offsets the pain in his body. He momentarily forgets the nails rubbing against the raw bones of his wrists and the cramps in his calves. He begins to feel a peculiar warmth in his heart: he begins to care; he begins to care about this peaceful martyr. There's no anger in his eyes, only tears. He looks at the huddle of soldiers throwing dice in the dirt, gambling for a ragged robe. He sees the sign above Jesus' head. It's painted with sarcasm: King of the Jews. They mock him as a king. If he were crazy, they would ignore him. If he had no followers, they'd turn him away. If he were nothing to fear, they wouldn't kill him. You only kill a king if he has a kingdom. Could it be.... His cracked lips open to speak. Then, all of a sudden, his thoughts are exploded by the accusations of the criminal on the other cross. He, too, has been studying Jesus, but studying through the blurred lens of cynicism. "So you're the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself--and us, too, while you're at it!" It's an inexplicable dilemma--how two people can hear the same words and see the same Savior, and one see hope and the other see nothing but himself. It was all the first criminal could take. Perhaps the crook who hurled the barb expected the other crook to take the cue and hurl a few of his own. But he didn't. No second verse was sung. What the bitter-tongued criminal did hear were words of defense. "Don't you fear God?" Only minutes before these same lips had cursed Jesus. Now they are defending him. Every head on the hill lifts to look at this one who spoke on behalf of the Christ. Every angel weeps and every demon gapes. Who could have imagined this thief thinking of anyone but himself? He'd always been the bully, the purse-snatching brat. Who could remember the last time he'd come to someone's aid? But as the last grains of sand trickle through his hourglass, he performs man's noblest act. He speaks on God's behalf. Where are those we would expect to defend Jesus? A much more spiritual Peter has abandoned him. A much more educated Pilate has washed his hands of him. A much more loyal mob of countrymen has demanded his death. A much more faithful band of disciples has scattered. When it seems that everyone has turned away, a crook places himself between Jesus and the accusers and speaks on his behalf. "Don't you even fear God when you are dying? We deserve to die for our evil deeds, but this man hasn't done one thing wrong." The soldiers look up. The priests cease chattering. Mary wipes her tears and raises her eyes. No one had even noticed the fellow, but now everyone looks at him. Perhaps even Jesus looks at him. Perhaps he turns to see the one who had spoken when all others had remained silent. Perhaps he fights to focus his eyes on the one who offered this final gesture of love he'd receive while alive. I wonder, did he smile as this sheep straggled into the fold? For that, in effect, is exactly what the criminal is doing. He is stumbling to safety just as the gate is closing. Lodged in the thief's statement are the two facts that anyone needs to recognize in order to come to Jesus. Look at the phrase again. Do you see them? "We are getting what we deserve. This man has done nothing wrong." We are guilty and he is innocent. We are filthy and he is pure. We are wrong and he is right. He is not on that cross for his sins. He is there for ours. And once the crook understands this, his request seems only natural. As he looks into the eyes of his last hope, he made the same request any Christian has made. "Remember me when you come into your kingdom." No stained-glass homilies. No excuses. Just a desperate plea for help. At this point Jesus performs the greatest miracle of the cross. Greater than the earthquake. Greater than the tearing of the temple curtain. Greater than the darkness. Greater than the resurrected saints appearing on the streets. He performs the miracle of forgiveness. A sin-soaked criminal is received by a blood-stained Savior. "Today you will be with me in Paradise. This is a solemn promise." Wow. Only seconds before the thief was a beggar nervously squeezing his hat at the castle door, wondering if the King might spare a few crumbs. Suddenly he's holding the whole pantry. Such is the definition of grace...

Tip O' the hat to the drummer

From my young and wilder daze... It was nine years ago tonight that the world lost my very favorite rock drummer. Cozy Powell played with the likes of the Jeff Beck Group, Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow, The Michael Schenker Group, ELP, and in the top video he spent some time in the 80's with Whitesnake. He was big into fast cars and bikes and was killed when he lost control at a high rate of speed on April 5th, 1998. God Bless ya Cozy, you were the greatest... Hope you're making things noisy in Heaven...

Random thoughts from a random mind...

More musings...
Fort Wayne was GREAT. I never had so much fun in a town that I could care less about. I may actually stumbled upon a job opportunity while shopping there...
I know that Florida is the top basketball program in the land, by beating the Ohio State Buckeyes ... wait a minute, the Buckeyes beat themselves. I was so disgusted watching them play. So many missed shots. For Ohio State, the Georgia Dome, where the game was played, could've been called the 'brick house'...
After church yesterday, I went to eat brunch and at the buffet, a little girl was trying to 'play' with the food. She was trying to grab the grapes and eat them right there. A sly move by her older sister put a stop to it in a hurry. Older sister placed a jalapeno pepper in the grapes and about 15 seconds later, the little one left the grapes alone and went running back to the table where her mommy was... I was surprised and proud of big sister and laughed at her brilliance...
Haley and her parents stopped by the office after she was up having an NG tube put down her nose so they could pour the contrast down so they can see what the spot on her pancreas might be. Her dad told me it was 'sheer hell' for her. Four people couldn't even hold her down to get the NG down. Her dad had to do it. How freakin' awful that had to be. After they go the contrast in, they took the tube out of her nose and she settled down considerably. When she got to our office, she was just a chatterbox, going a mile a minute talking about anything and everything. With all of her hair cut off, Haley looks like a little boy. But she was full of energy today. What a trooper...
This Saturday, I make the transition from hockey to women's football. Yep, my heavy honeys are back. The Spitfire will start regular season play against Erie (PA) this weekend. To be kind and generous, the team tries hard to be competitive, but usually gets smoked most every game. The only team they've beaten in the last 3 years was Erie in the regular season finale last season. They've lost by scores such as 36-0, 66-0, 84-0, and 93-0... and yet they battle... and I'm still goofy enough to stay with them. Don't know why... it's not as energetic and exciting and fast paced as hockey, but I do it anyway...