Sunday School at WalMart...

As the song from KISS goes... HOT HOT... HOTTER THAN HELL! It was soooo hot this weekend. I spent my 2 days off from work doing the radio show on Saturday morning and then doing a couple of girls college softball games for TV. I didn't get the benefit of the broadcast booth. So I sat in the blazing sun, roasting from medium rare, to well done. We're talking lobster tan... I was getting wobbly out there with the temp in the 90s and 100% humidity... ahhh life. On Saturday night, I was so exhausted I sat and fell asleep in a chair. I woke up and yakked with a couple of friends (hint: I didn't start chatting with them until I was awakened by their rings. I am such a dork) Sunday, I went to Church in the morning and the message scored a direct hit on my psyche'. I needed to be smacked out of the funk that I was in for a couple of days. I started feeling that light back in my heart and left there feeling MUCH better. I had such a nice chat with God in the car on my way to... WalMart!!! Don't ask me why, but it was a about 15 minutes out of my way... and I felt that I had to go there. I'm glad I did. I grabbed a shopping cart and didn't make it 20 feet into the store when I saw school supplies on sale: ridiculous prices on school supplies. SO I knew right then and there, I had to load up! I went crazy and bought lots of supplies: colored pencils, notebooks, crayons, #2 pencils, glue... you name it. Now I managed to get about 20 more feet into the store when I ran into a friend of mine, Ron, who I hadn't seen in ages. He was telling me about his dad who is in the hospital and struggling a little bit. I smiled and let him know that I knew what he was going through... we stood there and talked for about 20 minutes. I saw another buddy of mine, Rick, who I haven't spent much time with him and his wife. The group of us were talking away like school kids when it occured to both of them that my shopping cart was full of school supplies... and I don't have any kids! I still loaded up and figured that I going to shock the crap out of my sister and brother-in-law and their boys... I'm such a dork! Ha!

Faith, Hope, and Love...

Ahhh,
It feels so good to be home. I have spent the last few days in a whirlwind of activity. Going all over the place and putting miles on my car like crazy. I went and saw my God-daughter. Man, is she getting big. I've been trying to get her to warm up to me... she cries whenever I pick her up... she doesn't like to hug or kiss me... man, it sounds like my love-life... Ha! Well, my other sister is going to the doctor on friday. They told her she indeed has leukemia. But the outlook seems to be more optimistic than previously thought. So we'll see what turns up. As of late, sometimes I can feel my faith being challenged. After losing Doug, and Julie and seeing things go kind of south in personal issues, it would've been easy to give in and say the hell with it all, and blame it on not being able to, or more appropriately, not WANTing to deal with life. But then I do things like go to church and I find messages that seem to speak to me and bring me back to reality and I realize that I have a purpose on this earth and even if I don't have all of the answers, I have to have HOPE. Hope is what sustains me when things don't always go my way. I make myself think about things I want to do in the NEAR future, not the distant. By making myself think about the near future, I find that those goals are reasonably attainable. Thinking about the football and hockey seasons coming up and wondering what games will I be able to broadcast on radio/and or TV? Little things like that are what I make myself focus on until it becomes natural and automatic. Things that are positive and good. I went to the county fair tonight. The house band at the church I go to was invited to play for the 3rd year in a row. It's a dreary, rainy, night and I wasn't expecting much but they pulled it off. The band rocked the house (well in this case, Skeldon Stadium) and people left the dry confines of seats in the baseball stadium underneath the 2nd deck over hang, to go out onto the baseball stadium grass (in the pouring rain) to stand near the band. That coupled with the music they played, was just what the doctor ordered for me. While the rain fell on me, I felt the pain of loss, frustration, exhaustion, dullness, repetition of things in my life... start to roll away with the rain drops that ran down me... I came home and after eating some ice cold watermelon... my tummy is fat and happy and I am ready for a good night's sleep. Gotta work at the hospital and then I have to go to my nephew's and help him fix something on his car (which I know nothing about), and then go somehow try and broadcast a tennis match for TV. I guess I should say broadcast without falling asleep during the match.... zzzzzzzz

Celebrating A Life... or Two

Hmm,
been a wacky couple of days. Yesterday was a tough one. Went to work and then left for a while so I could attend Doug's funeral. That was pretty tough on a lot of folks. I listened as Doug's sister gave the eulogy. It was of fond memories from the earliest childhood up through Doug and Carolyn meeting up and getting married just over a year ago. They lived together for some time but never got hitched until 13 months ago. The minister who did their wedding, also officiated this gathering as well. It was hard to see Doug lying there like that when I seen all of the pictures of him rock climbing. Carolyn was sitting there, looking tired and defeated. The wind taken out of her sails, trying somehow to make sense out of the senseless... Afterwards, I went back to work and sat there for a while. It seemed out of sorts to come back to some sense of normalcy when Carolyn is saying good-bye to the love of her life. Life really whizzes sometimes.
After work, I headed home and was hungry so I stopped at a local restaurant that I frequent and treated myself to a nice dinner. The girl who waited on me is always nice to me. We joke around from time to time and pick on each other when we see each other. On my birthday, when she found out it was that day, she went and brought me out a piece of strawberry pie with a candle on it. Just because. When I went in there yesterday, I saw a huge floral arrangement with a birthday balloon on top of it. I asked her who's birthday it was. She said it was hers. I asked if it came from her boyfriend and she tried to downplay that completely. Apparently it was from a customer who thinks that she's hot stuff. So she was trying to figure out who to dump the flowers on. I think she said her mom... anyway, I was razzing her about something or another and she was asking me about my day. I didn't want to replay it but I told her anyway and it kind of brought both of us down... so I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to end my day like that! I paid my bill, looked at Jaime and just gave a non-chalant nod and said "c'ya later" and left... what she didn't know was that I went to the store and bought a birthday cake, had them put 'happy birthday jaime' on it, and got her a bottle of wine for her and her boyfriend to relax with later... I walked back into the restaurant and surprised the living daylights out of her... she was 12 shades of red and laughing hysterically and totally shocked that I did this. She kept saying over and over 'you shouldn't have done this, I can't believe it!' I just smiled and said "hey, just enjoy yourself" and smiled and left. The look on her face when I made my exit was priceless... I went home in a very good mood... poured myself a diet lime coke and thought of Doug and Jaime... with a smile... Cranked open the computer and saw the great success of Riccie passing her exam. Now that was great! Congrats Riccie! I started the day off not really having much to smile about, but by the time my head hit the pillow, I was feeling a whole lot better...

A day off from work...

Had a day off from work on Thursday and told myself I needed to get some sleep. Boy did I. I think I slept something like 11 hours. I woke up at 6am and caught Fox News Channel's 'Fox and Friends' for a while. I love that show cause it feels like they're my friends and I'm having breakfast with them and we're talking about the day's happenings. They share their own personal opinions and I form mine. It's a blast.
Any way, I woke up late and grabbed a shower before heading back into town. I grabbed some lunch at McDonald's (normally a no-no) but today was a day that I didn't care about much of anything. I went shopping at office max and then went to the grocery store to pick up some stuff. Then I had the daunting task of going to the mortuary to see Doug and pay my respects. Carolyn looked to be okay as she was talking with a few folks. I walked over to the casket and Doug looked a lot older than he did when he was alive. But of course, he went through sheer hell to earn the right to go to heaven at the end of his life. So it all works out in the end, I guess. Anyway, I said a quick prayer and then went over to where Carolyn was talking. She looked over to me and her eyes grew big. She walked over to me and as I went to hug her, she buried her head into my chest and sobbed. She cried and cried and said 'I don't know if I'm going to be able make it through this.' That kind of rocked me. I was not expecting that necessarily. But I sucked it up and very gently, but confidently told her that she would make it. Not because she won't go through any more pain, but rather, although she lost the love of her life, the rest of us were here to hold her up. That it would take all of us to be there for her and do the things for her that Doug was able to do by himself. It clicked in my head that perhaps that is why we grieve so deeply for a spouse or partner. It takes everyone else that we know to mildly substitute for the one person who was able to do everything to satisfy their true love! I told her that we're all going to always miss him and that it will hurt. But that the best way to honor his memory is keep doing what we know how to do... live. Not to forget him, but to keep his memory alive. We talked about some things that Doug used to do. Carolyn managed a small smile and continued to talk with people that came up to offer her condolences. It was hard but I went over watch the video of pictures of him. Wow, I was moved in watching his pictures that documented times in his life. and now that life is over... at least here on earth. It was a little weird in that he passed on the same day (one year later) that my dad did. I shared that with Carolyn and she was stunned as was her son who was standing there. I mentioned the difference was one year and twenty minutes... that was kind of weird. But as I told her (to make her laugh), my big prayer at the time Doug went to heaven was to my dad to go have a beer with Doug while they are up there and that we'll be up there someday... hopefully not too soon. But that we continue to live and honor God and one day be reunited with all of those that have gone before us...
After I left there, I came home for a bit, and went to my kid sister and brother-n-law's... Tried to repair her printer but that was an excersise in futility. Now I'm home and am ready to hit the pillow and try it all again tomorrow... Good Lord willing...

A Solid Rock (climb)

Now then,
I'm more chipper today than yesterday. I am also more sore... more on that in a moment. First, we heard from Carolyn's son yesterday. He said that Carolyn has pulled it all together and is now 'a rock'... She sent the kids to their respective homes because she had 'stuff to do'... It was amazing, the transformation. That really surprised me. I knew how hard she battled to keep him alive. The docs offered her the opportunity to take him off of life-support. She didn't even think twice... NO WAY! Under no circumstances would she do that. He actually came around just enough that she could tell him that she loved him etc., I personally think it was Divine Intervention because Doug lasted long enough so that his step-son could go through with his own marriage a few weeks ago. Not only that, but Chris was able to go on a honeymoon too, I think. Maybe that's why Doug lasted this long. He wanted his family to celebrate all that is good about life, before he went on to eternal life, which is good for him, but sad for us because he's not with us here on earth. And Doug was a good man. A very good man. His accomplishments were many, but his outlook was simple...he loved life. He was an avid outdoorsman who loved hiking and rock climbing... and he was 63 years old!!! I'm more than 20 years younger and I don't even do anything near that active. Holy smokes, I start to sigh when I comb my hair and this guy was rock climbing out west in Idaho, Montana, and Wyoming up until this year! Geez, I feel like I need to do a whole lot more living! I am very sad at losing my friend, but am proud that he lived life to the fullest. I only hope that in the remaining time I have left on this earth, that I can pack more LIVING into life... I'm glad to have known Doug for as long as I did...

Bittersweetness...

Well,
Today was one that can be best described as bittersweet. Today was the 1st anniversary of my dad's passing. That was going to be tough to think about. But I got a good awakening from my radio partner Jamo. He called me on Sunday morning (while I was sitting in Church) and told about a phone call from the Golf Channel last night. The Channel wanted us to follow and film the golfer from the LPGA who's name is Natalie Gulbis. In her history, she very briefly dated Ben Rothlisberger last year. She does a reality show on the Golf Channel called (oddly enough) 'The Natalie Show'. Jamo, Dave and me had to wait for the producer to fly in from Florida to tell us what he wanted us to shoot. Most of the footage was of Natalie's dad. She and he are very close and he looks more like a biker that the father of an LPGA professional. Well since the LPGA was in Toledo for the Jamie Farr golf tournament, we were amongst the throng of people who were out there in the insanely hot weather. The heat index was well over 100 degrees farrenheit. I had to carry a TV video camera all over the golf course. It was heavy and I sweat myself silly. I walked all over the course. I was severly dehydrated and hadn't eaten much. But we got a lot of video footage and we thought for sure that Natalie would win. But she missed a key putt and finished regulation tied for first and ended up in a two hole playoff to determine the winner and lost. Prior to the playoff, the producer was making plans for Jamo, Dave, and I to follow Natalie out and about to paint the town red for her first victory on the LPGA tour. But instead, she finished in second and went to her rented house to be alone... So the producer, Jamo, Dave, and yours truly went to dinner and ate and really had a great time. I felt kind of odd because it was the anniversary of my dad heading to heaven. But my family told me earlier in the day that He would be proud of me... so I took it as a good sign.
I came home late Sunday night with the feeling of sheer exhaustion. I thought I'd check my email and head for bed... got a note from a co-worker that told me that Doug passed away on Sunday afternoon. That hit me in the solar-plexis... one year after losing my dad to the day. Wow. I didn't need that... Carolyn is a mess. She's trying to stay strong but is losing the battle. I really feel for her... God is picking himself up a good man. I hope that Carolyn can feel God's love. She's going to need it to survive a terrible blow like this...God Bless Doug... and Carolyn!

Ups, Downs, and Updates

How do,
This week started out pretty good... I was in rare form while figuring out what I was going to get Dylan for his birthday. I was all set to go see him and do the 'birthday' thing with him. But they opted for celebrating it this friday at Dyl's favorite place... the bowling alley! I personally can't stand bowling but I will be out there throwing that ball down the lane, making a fool out of myself because I love that kid... I'm still feeling a bit stung because with the joy of Dylan's birthday and the AAA baseball all-star game was here in Toledo this week and I had an absolute blast by my friends. The hospital network that I work for was the title sponsor for the week's events. I couldn't believe how much fun we had, but that was no match for my sister Lou's announcement that her docs believe she has leukemia... not much to smile about there... I've been having a wild variety of thoughts go through my head. My birthday is this weekend. Also this weekend is the first anniversary of my father's passing. Now Lou is dealing with this. I can't deal with it all. I ate like a moose the last few days. I don't know what to think or do. I'm used to being able to fix things or come up with a solution when it comes to my family. Right now I feel helpless and am kind of hacked off that I can't really do anything. But that is what true faith in God is, by it's very definition: the ability to believe when there is no reasonable explanation to show why something has or has not happened.
Today was day one of the Jamie Farr LPGA golf tournament. It's being held here in Toledo (okay the suburb of Sylvania... work with me here!) and I will look forward to it as I have to broadcast our radio show on Saturday morning from the tournament... Our show is a golf show after all... My head is swimming right now thinking about everything and nothing at the same time... ahhhh the heck with it. I'm going to stand on my faith for Lou and I am looking forward to enjoying myself this weekend...
Doug Update: I know it's been a while since I've mentioned my friend Doug. He was on death's door. We thought it was just a matter of hours till the end. But through faith and prayer (even his doctors don't know how he's hanging on), Doug is still alive. They still don't know how. My faith tells me he's still alive because he has a purpose. I believe he is still on earth, instead of in it, for a specific reason. I hope it's to survive and turn a negative into a positive and give God the glory... Keep fighting Doug!!! Carolyn has been off of work for about three months now and has not left his side... she loves him so... God Bless Her!

Lobster-fest (sunshine editon)

Before any of you go thinking that I spent the weekend eating seafood, the lobster reference is a reflection of how I spent the weekend out in the sun and let's just say I didn't have any suntan lotion nor shade for that matter. I am beet red and it hurts just to make facial expressions. I spent my days off (from the hospital) doing work for the TV station and I was broadcasting motocross (dirtbike racing) on Saturday, and Baseball on Sunday. I was fried by the time I made it home on Sunday. I thought about going and doing something but I ended up falling asleep watching the TV screen (hint: the TV was NOT turned on)... Well, today is day two with a new cell phone and new number. Those of you that have followed my blog for a while know about my previously delightful cell-phone experiences involving hoodies and toilets! Yippeeeeee! (no pun intended). Anyway, I switched carriers as soon as my T-mobile (aka 'useless') contract was up and now am with Verizon... hope things go better with them... at least they can hear me now... Good! And before I forget, a very happy 10th birthday to my nephew Dylan. That kid never fails to amaze me with how cool he is... and he's only 10 years old!!! He and his brother are two of the smartest (and craftiest) wise acres that I know... I feel like I'm chatting with two adults sometimes... I guess I am getting old...

Sleeping through fireworks

Tuesday was a day that was lonnnng and boring... Went and had breakfast at my usual stomping grounds. The waitress I know asked if I was going to work and I acknowledged that I was... she said "ohhhhh, wow, I didn't think that you'd have to work today..." she said it in a way that suggested that she wanted to do something today... maybe with me. I don't know and I don't really want to know... Work was borrring to say the least, but at least it's time and a half. I came home and thought about going to downtown Toledo and watching the fireworks but told myself to just walk to the beach and catch them from home... of course I was sitting on my butt watching a movie when the fireworks went off, so I opted for the movie instead...I'm such a dork!

Red White and feeling blue no more...

Ohhh man...
I'm dragging but a good kind of dragging... This weekend was the first one where I didn't have to go out of town or work at the hospital in quite some time... To say that I needed this time off is a great, great understatement... The area here on the lake where I live had an area-wide garage-sale day today. I left early Saturday morning to go and do my radio show and when I came back home and went to park alongside my house... people who I didn't even know had already parked on my grass... I saw them come towards the car and very politely asked them to move their vehicle because I had to park my car and I lived there. They said "you should put a sign on your property that says 'no parking'... it took everythng I had to not laugh outloud and say "um, now explain to me why I would put up a no parking sign on my own property"???? But the locals near me got a kick out of it and we enjoyed the day's proceedings. People were very friendly and it was actually a terrific time... People were walking up and down the streets and we laughed lots and lots... After doing a little garage sale-ing, I went home and took a brief nap. My sister called and her and her sister-in-law and their kids were putzing around since both of their husbands were working. I invited them over since I'm only about 45 yards from the beach. Plus, we had the fireworks going off at about ten... so they all came over and were surprised at where I live... They didn't realize how close to the beach I was...
At night-fall, the kids were all giddy with anticipation... I watched them swim out in the lake and they just had a ball. They ate corn dogs, elephant ears, and other food that was unhealthy. I wish I could've fed them (and me) more... we drank fresh squeezed lemonade and it was so wonderful. When the fireworks started, we all sat on the beach and I watched my nephews and the expressions on their faces said it all... They were applauding throughout the fireworks display since it was literally right over their heads. They watched in awe... I am so jaded from being able to appreciate simple pleasures like that anymore... but watching them in their innocence, appreciate something so simple as a fireworks display, really touched me inside. So maybe I'm just jaded and these things don't always mean as much to me... but to watch them look at the night sky as if it held the key to their happiness, It caused my heart to warm and grow which is something it hasn't done in quite sometime. As we walked back to my house and said so long, the boys were grateful and I just said "hey, no problem... come on back". Inside I wanted to say 'thank you guys for restoring some of the warmth I used to have' and letting me feel like a kid again... even though my innocence waved bye-bye to me a long time ago, I still felt a flicker of it on Saturday night... I have to find a lot of gratitude in that...