Friday, December 02, 2011

Update... Post Turkey...

Hey,
Once again, many MANY thanks for all the prayers for me and my family... Lou is still in the hospital, still on a vent. Her fevers have stopped so she has gotten a little better...She wakes up and recognizes us so that's good. She is still on dialysis for now. She has shown some mild improvement but she still knows what's coming. She can't audibly speak because of the trach, but I've worked at trying to read her lips when she tries to talk. I'll never forget when I walked in and saw her. I hadn't been in for a few days because of my schedule taking me out of town. So I walk into her room, and her face just lit up... I'll never forget that look. I went to see her on Thanksgiving but she was out like a light for the whole visit. This time around, she was so happy to see her goofy brother that she had a smile on her face, a little rusty from lack of use. She was able to whisper to me some things. I thought about half a second of trying to put on the happy face and make believe everything was just ducky. But not a chance. I wouldn't want anyone to do that with me, so I didn't do that with Lou. She seemed to appreciate that. I held her hand and was telling her some stories of how my gal pal cracks the whip to keep me in line. Lou was actually laughing. Yes LAUGHING. Again, a little weak from lack of use. She had a smile on her face and I walked out of that hospital with raging emotions. Part of me was just dying inside because I know that somewhere in there, my sister with a passion for life, is still there. And I want her back full time. But I know the reality of the situation. If she continues to hold on like this, we're considering hospice care at home. Terri is adamant about bringing her home eventually if nothing changes and whatever happens, will happen. We know what Lou and all of us are up against. But the one thing that unites us as we continue on this journey... faith... yes, FAITH! Believing in God doesn't mean freedom from troubles. But the ability to deal with the highs and also the lows during troubled times. When I thought about what it was going to be like seeing Lou and wondering how many more times, if any, I'd get to see her. All of that was wiped off my mind and the sight of making her smile and then making her laugh. When I was outside of the hospital doors, out of sight of everyone, I wept. But the frustration of why couldn't she be healed was replaced by the memory of her laughing at me while I was telling her how my gal pal keeps me in line... I'll always treasure that...

2 comments:

Carolyn said...

Mik, I'm so glad she could smile for you and at you. Bury that in your heart, but just deep enough that you can dig it up any time you need to remember her smiling.
As for hospice, I do hope you can go that route. It would mean she could be at home with all of you with her and she'd still get great care. Terri would be with her again, but not have such a hard burden trying to do everything herself, and it would definitly help with stress.
God Bless you Mik. Thank you for keeping us posted. (((()))S to you all!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Those are such great memories to have during this difficult time.