A Pretty Good Christmas...If I Do Say So Myself!

Hmmmm... When last we chatted here on my little corner of blog-dom, I was ready to throw in the towel as we figured that Lou would be ready to succumb to her illnesses. There was only one problem in that process... somebody forgot to tell Lou... Someone forgot to tell her that she was supposed to give up. Lou's high fevers have finally subsided and she is still in a world of suffering. But the funniest thing happened: Lou is actually starting to get a little bit better. Her numbers for her ability to get off of the respirator still suck. And though it's difficult for her to communicate because of the trach, she has gotten a lot better with her cognizant skills and we spent Christmas together in the hospital. Our conversations have been lucid and she understands what she's up against. Last week, with Christmas coming upon us, she had nothing in her room to reflect that Jesus' birthday was coming up. So I said the heck with this noise and went and got a 3 foot Christmas tree and took it into her room and spent an afternoon putting it all together. She had a small radio that was playing Christmas music so I started goofy dancing like a big goofy idiot while I was putting the tree up and I look over and she's looking at me and laughing. When I get her laughing, it makes me feel really good... at least until she starts to aspirate on the trach. Then I feel terrible. But it's good to see that smile back on her face. It's hard to see her struggle like she does, and her prognosis is crap... but she's more cognizant and is able to focus and we are able to have great conversations and I've grown closer to my sister. I've learned more about toughness and courage from her in these several months than I ever thought I knew... She really has been our best Christmas gift...

Keeping the Faith...

Hey folks...
nothing much new to report right now. Lou is still hanging on in the hospital. She is one tough lady. She recognizes us and she fades in and out but she still knows us and whispers to us. It was a shock to her though that we're approaching Christmas. She thought we were still in summer. Poor thing. Terri is so apathetic right now as we approach Christmas. This is usually our favorite holiday as a family. Terri is usually the one who gets the most excited (next to Lou) about Christmas. But this year, it's been so hard on everyone that Terri is not even doing her tons of cookies and all sorts baking this year. She's making some cornflake wreaths because those were Lou's favorites but not much more than that. I hope she'll change her mind as we get closer to Christmas. We'll all get together as a family but it won't be the same without Lou. But we must do this for the little ones so they can enjoy it. They don't understand so we are going to make it special for them. Because Lou would be the biggest kid amongst them, getting into the presents, food, and just being a kid. That's what Lou loved to do most... Hope you all have a Merry Christmas (sorry, I'm not politically correct... never have been, never will be!) I will be back on this little goofy corner of the cyber-world before too long...

Update... Post Turkey...

Hey,
Once again, many MANY thanks for all the prayers for me and my family... Lou is still in the hospital, still on a vent. Her fevers have stopped so she has gotten a little better...She wakes up and recognizes us so that's good. She is still on dialysis for now. She has shown some mild improvement but she still knows what's coming. She can't audibly speak because of the trach, but I've worked at trying to read her lips when she tries to talk. I'll never forget when I walked in and saw her. I hadn't been in for a few days because of my schedule taking me out of town. So I walk into her room, and her face just lit up... I'll never forget that look. I went to see her on Thanksgiving but she was out like a light for the whole visit. This time around, she was so happy to see her goofy brother that she had a smile on her face, a little rusty from lack of use. She was able to whisper to me some things. I thought about half a second of trying to put on the happy face and make believe everything was just ducky. But not a chance. I wouldn't want anyone to do that with me, so I didn't do that with Lou. She seemed to appreciate that. I held her hand and was telling her some stories of how my gal pal cracks the whip to keep me in line. Lou was actually laughing. Yes LAUGHING. Again, a little weak from lack of use. She had a smile on her face and I walked out of that hospital with raging emotions. Part of me was just dying inside because I know that somewhere in there, my sister with a passion for life, is still there. And I want her back full time. But I know the reality of the situation. If she continues to hold on like this, we're considering hospice care at home. Terri is adamant about bringing her home eventually if nothing changes and whatever happens, will happen. We know what Lou and all of us are up against. But the one thing that unites us as we continue on this journey... faith... yes, FAITH! Believing in God doesn't mean freedom from troubles. But the ability to deal with the highs and also the lows during troubled times. When I thought about what it was going to be like seeing Lou and wondering how many more times, if any, I'd get to see her. All of that was wiped off my mind and the sight of making her smile and then making her laugh. When I was outside of the hospital doors, out of sight of everyone, I wept. But the frustration of why couldn't she be healed was replaced by the memory of her laughing at me while I was telling her how my gal pal keeps me in line... I'll always treasure that...