A Look Back... A Look Ahead...

So as 2006 comes to a close, I would normally do a month by month look back at what happened in the last 12 months. However, I started the year hurting pretty bad and ended it pretty happy. So instead of all the rehashing, I am going to look back at a few lows and highs and comment on the overall of where I am at these days. Of course '06 saw Tanner's suicide, Steve being killed by a drunk driver and Greeds heart giving out just before Christmas in '05. Not alot of positive stuff. It still is a bummer. The obvious low point for me was that the girl who at the time I wanted to spend my life with, bid me adieu under very 'peculiar' circumstances. In January, I went to her apartment twice in the beginning of the month to leave food at her front doorstep for her and her son. I had a key to her apartment, but since I was looked upon with disdain by her, I never did anything more than leave food there at her doorstep without trying to talk to her. It was at that point that I had to make some difficult decisions about this person. She was accusing me of some pretty nasty garbage, not realizing we still had/have mutual friends. I had to decide if all of this was worth it... Six years of trying, only to discover some lies, deceit, and drama queen behavior that I wasn't prepared for. The worst of all of this mess led to the road that gave me the highest of highs. I finally discovered a number of reasons that I HAD to let go and really stand on my faith. So last winter/ spring, I did just that. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it was soooo worth it. I couldn't do it alone and the help of some good friends really opened my eyes to some things and it made it so much easier to let go of that stupidity that was the waste of time the last six years posed. Since then, she has yet another guy and moved in and now is going to be getting married to him. A year ago, I probably would've been devistated. Today, I find the whole thing laughable and am so grateful that I am no longer a part of that mess. Instead of bitterness, I choose to take the high road and wish her every happiness and success in her future. And thank God that I'm not a part of it...
Since summer, I've been trying to stay focused on what is good and take a much more positive approach to life. It hasn't been easy. Watching a couple of my sisters' health start to slide has not been a lot of fun. But their attitudes have been inspirational and watching them display joy at some real low points fueled my resolve to be a better Christian and show it more by action and not by words. I guess the thing I have discovered about myself and about life, is that there will always be more questions than answers. I don't have answers to a ton of questions that I have. But that is why I have faith. I believe that even though I don't have any answers to questions about many things that have happened in my life, I have come to the point where I choose to accept that I will never know all the answers and I have to be okay with that. It allows me to let go of some things and be able to move on... more importantly, to move on and be happy. That is one of the best things to happen to me. I look forward to what 2007 will bring. I look forward to those of you who read this group of little blurbs from time to time, stopping by again and saying hello. I don't know what the new year will hold, but I am going in with child like eyes, optimism, and hope... To all of you, friend and foe alike, I wish you the very best that 2007 has to offer... God Bless...

Do You See What I See?

Some weird things I've seen in the last couple of days while out either working or going to the store shopping or a whole variety of things...
First, I saw a baby Jesus in the manger scene outside of a funeral home. It was a full sized one and it was right in front of the mortuary. Took up most of the front lawn.
Second, Someone on the other end of the phone calling their kids some four letter words and then when they realized that I had answered, changed their tone completely to that fake, over nice "oh how arrrrrrre yooooou?" Made me want to tiger-chunk...
Third, I saw a sign that said 'Jesus is the Reason for the Season'. Not out of the ordinary at this time of year. But at a Kentucky Fried Chicken???
Finally, another manger set-up. This one took the cake. It was in a bar I stopped in to get a bite to eat. I sat down, ordered some chicken, turned to my right, and did a double take as I saw the three wise men, Joseph, Mary and the baby Jesus in their usual display, only this time instead of an animal barn, they were brought to us by the fine folks of Miller Lite. I sat there with my jaw agape, and didn't make heads or tails of the whole thing... they were part of a beer display??? No wonder I don't drink that watered-down, moose pee from Milwaukee. I'll never move up there because it's socialist, but when it comes to quality brew and respect for the season, I'll tip my hat to the Canadians anytime... Hope you finished your Christmas shopping... I'll begin mine tomorrow... gotta luv it!

Went to a fight and a hockey game broke out...

Trying to wake up to type this entry...
I'm just a little bit sluggish as I am home from work and having done my 3rd Cherokee game in less than 48 hours up in Taylor, MI which is just outside of Detroit. Me, I'm a little whipped from juggling my work and broadcast schedules. Plus getting church in there which I did, and that meant that I had no down time to speak of. Of course, after what happened last weekend, I had to be at the rink to see how things were going to go. Last weekend, we played Dubuque. They beat us fair and square 5-2... no big deal there. But with about 25 seconds remaining, one of their guys turned up ice with his head down and got knocked into next week on a clean hit by one of our guys. It was a clean hit, but they didn't like it. Watched the replay several times and it was the same conclusion. Clean hit. But they decided to mix things up a bit. On the ensuing face off, the Dubuque coach sent his cement head tough guy out and as the puck was dropped, his tough guy didn't even look at where the play was... he charged down the ice with the express purpose to take out our goaltender. A wild melee' ensued and there was all kinds of crap that happened. They thought that they could 'send a message' by trying to muscle us up, but one problem: Our tough guys beat the living crap out of theirs. Not because we were trying to goon it up. Not at all. But because we had to protect our goaltender and the players stood up for each other. Well this weekend was a tournament showcase where all 14 teams in the CSHL were in Taylor to play hockey against each other (each team had three games fri-sun) and were being scouted by higher level leagues and some colleges. The Dubuque guys (about 4 of them) came by but said and did nothing. Their coach was suspended for five games. He peaked out at our game, looked at me and I looked at him and nothing else came of it. He went back over to the other rink to watch his team's game from the cheap seats. I'm still pretty hacked off about the gong show that was Dubuque. The kid that tried to take out our goalie received suspensions that amounted to him being gone for the rest of the regular season. It was pretty intense there for a while... We won two of the three games we played this weekend so we head into the Christmas break on a high note.

Why? Why Not?

Sometimes, I wonder about the chaos that can go on in the world. Then I think about life in my world and while at times I question and can get a bit agitated by what can happen, I know that there is a reason and purpose behind most everything. Even when I don't understand. And that's where it can get difficult. The part about accepting that I don't understand everything that happens but knowing there's a purpose behind it... As we come up on what is for most folks, the happiest and joyful time of the year, I wonder why some of the most painful memories people experience are at this time of year. I think because at it's basic core, Christmas is supposed to represent love and a safe, secure place for us to let our guard down with those we hold dear. Anymore, we have done so much to change the face of Christmas. We have done so much to secularize Christmas. And I'm not talking about trying to make it this holier than thou religious event either. I don't think that was what God had in mind. (I'm not arrogant or smart enough to pretend that I know what God wants. I'm just opining) In my silly mind, I choose to believe that We are supposed to take stock of our lives. Despite the hard times that life can throw at us, I think we're supposed to discover what is actually right in our lives (even if it's not a lot) and be grateful. The 'love' that we're supposed to feel at this time of year can come back to bite us in the butt if we don't allow it to grow in us. If love isn't growing, it's dying inside of us. I think that is why some people get so depressed and miserable. Some to the point of wanting to end it all. My take: simple... some people realize how much they miss the love and security of their past and feel like they can't ever get that back. But it doesn't matter how awful life can be to us. Whether pain, misery, physical or emotional loss of a loved one, illness, lonliness, we all have a purpose. Even if we may not always be sure what that purpose is, rest assured, we have one. There's an old saying about enduring the hardness of life that says "let your test be your testimony". Losely translated, endure it so that you can serve as hope to others who don't know how they are going to survive their own private hell... I just hope that no matter how little, we can all find something to be grateful for... I, for one, am grateful to all the friends (and a few enemies too... lol) that I've made here in the cyber-world. I've had some that have not always appreciated my intentions in the past. But I don't think much about the past anymore. For the first time in many years, instead dwelling on past failures (believe me, there are soooo many), I choose to focus on the small successes. The little (almost insignificant) things. My life is much more enriched now because of the small things that are good. That includes people I've met and continue to meet. I am truly blessed...

Just Exactly What Is Christmas?

Just thinking about church last sunday... It was about what we remember about Christmas in the past. I don't remember a lot but I remember a few things. What were the circumstances for our parents? Were things 'really' as we recall them? Chances are not, but yet we choose to attach fond sentiments to those memories because they are Christmas. So getting a talk on how tough Christmas really was (especially that first one) really opened my eyes. If you care to see the sermon itself (even if you're not religious in nature, it gives you some things to think about) you can go to our church website and pull it up from the archives and watch it... It makes me appreciate what this season is supposed to be...

Looking Back To Take a Step Forward...

So it goes...
Hope y'all are having a good time getting ready for Christmas. Me, it's been a busy time to where I haven't had too much time to shop... At least I'm not shopping for clothes (hi Rebecca)... My weekend was a little weird. Got invited by a couple of friends of mine to go see their daughters basketball games. One with the freshman team, the other junior varsity. They both play for the same high school across town where my ex girlfriend's kids go. For about 12 seconds, my thoughts were going back to thinking the way I used to: what if she's there. Will she think that I have an agenda for being there somehow... after all, she's accused me of lots of things that weren't true... just really stupid thoughts going through my head from the past. But things have changed. I decided that when I go to those games now, I DO have an agenda: to go watch my friends' daughters play. I went to the games and when I first got there, I had an odd thought about what I'd do if I ran into her there... I started chuckling because I'd probably look at her and laugh. I think that is part of having let go... before I had been hurting... and now I am laughing when I think back about what used to be. Yikes! am I glad that I've moved on... Anyhow, I had an absolute blast watching the girls play... in fact I think I made more noise than their moms did... we were laughing and joking around and had a great time. As a matter of fact, one of the daughters called me tonight to thank me for coming out to the game and how really glad she was that I was there. I was genuinely touched. After the first 12 seconds, I didn't think about anything else but having fun with my friends... and now, instead of wondering about other useless things, I look forward to seeing the girls play hoops when my schedule allows. So yeah baby, I'm feeling pretty good...