Update (or is there such a thing as 'Downdate'?)

Aloha y'all...
Thursday finds me feeling a bit rested but still wiped out from the last week or two. I've been laying low the last couple of days to recoup and recharge the batteries. The gal pal is vacationing with her family so I'm missing her right now. I'm a little out of sorts because work has been a little wacked lately. People getting a bit testy. But I'm still surviving... As for the sisters, it's still a bit bumpy but otherwise status quo. Lou has a birthday tomorrow and I got her a pair of dinner theatre tickets to go out if she wants to... I hope she does. I guess it'll depend on whether her back holds up. Terri is still feeling like someone beat her up and left her in a heap with the treatments. And she's only in week two of a six month ordeal with no guarantee of success. But that's what we got to deal with... like the old saying goes: it's not about seeing through each other, it's about seeing each other through...
Well, this weekend marks the annual city-wide garage sales here in the Pier... how does a hick town of about 1200 people use the term 'city-wide'??? But the cool part is that the fourth of July celebration is being held this weekend (something weird about observing the 4th of July on June 30th) and that means the big fireworks display at the beach on Saturday night... woo-hoo...

Trying To Keep Up...

Hey kids,
Hope you all are enjoying the summer. So far it's been a bit of an adventure for yours truly. But you all have responded with prayers and hopes for good things for me and my family who (like me) are stunned by the response of so many kind hearted (no longer) strangers who have taken me and my family in and have reached out to us in such a wonderful and prayerful way... again, this chirpy, loud-mouth from NW Ohio/SE Michigan (as in right on the border)... is speechless. As for the sisters: well, baby steps would be the proper term. Lou is progressing very well. She's able to take steps without the aid of a walker or wheelchair and the only thing really giving her trouble right now is her back. It's been aching lots but right now she has color back in her face instead of looking deathly pale... But she tires easily and everything takes her a long period of time to do...
Terri is not sure how her treatments are working but she's in a lot of pain and discomfort and any physical exertion wipes her out. I went today after church to see them and ended up running all over town to get stuff they needed for around the house etc... and to top it off, I can tell they are both starting to irritate each other a wee bit because they have to rely on family members to help them and when we don't do things exactly as they normally do them... well... the attempt to stifle their disdain or disappointment is not well hidden... no poker faces here... :) But I understand that it's just the frustration of having to deal with such a crappy situation and a freakin' disease that kicks your butt and every other part of the human body. So I try to let it roll off my back and have been successful for the most part. When I'm not, I try not to be around them so I don't take out any frustrations I have on them. But my frustrations don't hold a candle to theirs, so I am working at trying to keep things in their proper prospective.

Back At It Again...

Howdy,
Well, tuesday was a day that started out very lousy, but ended quite nicely. I was not having a good day at work with some lady who didn't know me, right out of the blue, call me a f'ing imbecile. Maybe she had talked to my ex-girlfriend...lol... Anyway, it was just nutty because people were really in a snotty mood and just being nasty. I was trying to remain in a decent mood but was losing the battle... until I got to talk to the gal pal. Things started to straighten themselves out then. Much needed and I felt a whole lot better. I needed to get an attitude adjustment before I went to see Terri and Lou. I knew that they were both going to be feeling pretty bad. I knew it was early, but the girls actually weren't as bad as I expected. The day after is usually worse but for the type of treatment Terri was going through, I knew it was going to whip her. I get there and walk in and while she looked a little pale, she was resting on her bed, reading the paper. Lou was also there, laying down and taking it easy. I was surprised a little but just smiled and asked how it was going. Terri was feeling very weak, but offered up a 'better than I was earlier' so I took that as a positive sign. It's only the first day and I didn't want to build it up and try to make it more than it was... still, she was wobbly in walking to the bathroom but navigated herself reasonably well. I know the next couple of weeks are going to be brutal, but that's up to God and Terri's attitude...
As for me, I'm just kind of quiet and not really sure how to handle things. I'm feeling not so much confidence as I am trusting in God. I'm not going to shout that He'll do this or that... but I believe in Him no matter what happens. I love Him and pray that His Mercy and Grace is on my family...

Let the games begin...

Hope y'all had a good weekend...
Me, I didn't do too bad. Did the little things: the lawn, the laundry, some groceries... the usual suspects. Spent time over with Terri and Lou... I was feeling pretty good until Terri told about the regimen they're putting her on... the treatment they're putting her through for six straight months is the same type of treatment for AIDS patients. So in addition to all of the misery of pain, nausea, and vomiting, she'll also get the added fun of needing to stay out of the sun and a lot of different types of food she can't eat as a result of this... Plus the usual added attractions of weight loss and hair loss... there is nothing wonderful about this unless she is cured... It is going to be sheer hell, but she knows this and has spent the weekend getting prepared for everything she's going to have to go through... Me and my other family members are going to take shifts staying over there to watch Terri and Lou and do whatever needs to be done to take care of them... I'm really bumming about this crap that she has to go through, but as she likes to say: "if that's what I gotta do to live..." how can I compare anything to that?

A Better Day...

Mik: "hey Terri, what's going on?"
Terri: "Oh, not a whole lot"
Mik: "so how are you feeling today"
Terri: "okay I guess"
Mik: "well, that's better than yesterday."
Terri: "oh I got some news"
Mik (not sure what to think): "okay, hit me"
Terri: "the tumors that are located in my chest wall are benign"
Mik: (screaming like a school girl): "PRAISE THE GOOD LORD!!!"
Terri: "Yes, He is awesome. I know it's going to be a long hard path with the cancer everywhere else (her stomach, and mommy parts), but I was most worried about any tumors in my chest. Those are the worst. But those are benign and I start my radiation and chemo next week. Oh, and I got another little surprise for you".....
Lou: " I MADE IT OUT ... I'M HOME!!! "
Mik: (the one who is at times accused of being completely devoid of any emotion): (sniffle, sniffle)

As I sit here typing this out, I am simply, profoundly, humbled... I am speechless when I try to even remotely fathom an answer to the incredible response from all of you when I was feeling at my lowest. I needed prayer for my family and was too proud to really ask. I can provide lip service, but when it counted most, I just stewed inside. I woke up this morning and headed into work, a bird left a gift for me (hint: he made it himself) that missed my shirt and tie but caught the back of my pants. And I didn't notice it until I got to work. A lady in my office noticed it and proceeded to grab a rag and wipe my pants... (the bird turd was on my backside) I was too stunned to be embarrased at a lady old enough to be my mom cleaning the top of my backside. Something inside told me not to give in to the temptation of getting hacked off about it... just keep a cool head Mik... like you always do... When I took a break, I went and checked my email for a response or two... HUH??? I was completely stunned by what I saw. I had to fight back the tears as I read note after encouraging note. I was humbled to my core... Thank you seems so inadequate to what the power of your prayers have meant to me and my family... But I humble myself and offer the most heartfelt, and sincere thanks to all of you. I will keep you all in my prayers as well. I know she has a long way to go yet. But I'm at least more optimistic than I was 24 hours ago... I told Terri about all of you offering us up in prayer... she wept openly... Whoever says that prayer does not work... well, they don't know who they're messing with!!! Terri was pretty low key about getting the call from the oncologist regarding the chest tumors. But knowing how vicious those things can be... I see it as a major step in Our Lord making His presence felt... I pray that she faces her next stage of this challenge with determination, courage, and hope! You all have given me hope... With a tear or two in my eyes, I say thank you...

With the deepest gratitude... Mik

Teed off On Life...

Howdy,
Well the news was pretty grim for my sister Terri. The cancer is not only back, but its spread all over. Her stomach wall, her chest wall, and the prognosis is not good. This was just a lousy day yesterday. It was my kid sister’s birthday and when she found out about Terri, she sat and just cried and cried. Terri felt like she ruined Angie’s birthday. I wanted to get mad because that was so not true. Terri didn’t ask for this (expletive deleted) disease. She wants no part of it. She didn’t try to upstage her little sister by letting us know what the results were. We knew she was going to get the results back on Tuesday. Still, Terri felt horrible about (in her mind) “ruining” Angie’s birthday… I talked with Terri a couple of times yesterday and she is still trying to come to terms with facing her own mortality. As she so eloquently put it: “Today (Tuesday) was not one of my better days.” If that isn’t the understatement of the year…
I was heading home and trying to put things in perspective. It just didn’t seem fair to me. It goes back to that all too familiar question; God, why do bad things happen to good people? I know God has His reasons for everything. But I keep thinking that Terri still wants very much to live. She is a school teacher and wants to impact the lives of the children she teaches. Virtually every class that goes through cites Terri as their very favorite teacher. She has such a genuine heart for children. She gave up her teenage years after my mom died to raise our family and keep us together somehow. My sister Lou is in an ECF trying to rehab to where she can get out of there and get back to trying to deal with her leukemia. The one person who is there helping her day after monotonous day, is Terri. And Terri’s reward for all that she does? She gets this… THIS????

Life

Tuesday: the good the bad and the ugly... in reverse order:
The ugly- my sister who has been taking care of our older sister from the beggining regarding the whole leukemia thing and being in the ECF, has a problem of her own to deal with. It turns out she'll find out today if the cancer has returned to her. She dealt with the ravages of ovarian cancer.... What misery that was for her. Well, her pet scan showed something that wasn't suppose to be there. So she'll find out today what it is and what might happen. I know that cancer runs in my family (it took my dad, his sister, his brother, his mom and dad, well, you get the picture). I probably should go and check myself out, but I'm scared to figure out what is going on with me. I know what I should do... but...
The bad- My sister who is in the ECF is getting more cantankerous by the minute and wants to leave there immediately but has to wait for the ok from her foot (stump) doctor. I suppose that's good because that means she is getting stronger. But she is also becoming more desperate to leave before she is done with rehabi of her stump. While my other younger sister has been amazing at being there for her, well, she isn't being told of the lousy pet scan from my other sister. We'll wait to see what the results are and wait for my sis to get out of the ECF and see how things play out...
The good- Today is my youngest sister's birthday. Happy b-day kid... I hope that your husband remembers that you're another year older... I'm sure the kids will remind him... ;) Also good - I got to spend part of the weekend with a human being who defies description... I can't put into words how much this person has impacted my life to the point where I am a changed person... changed for the MUCH better...
So while I've got lots on my plate to think about... I'm going to continue to pray and stand on my faith that all things will work themselves out... that is my prayer... God Bless... :)

Nothing's Bugging Me...

Random thoughts as I look forward to the weekend:
I have managed to navigate through the week armed with a fresh bottle of Mitchum anti perspirant deoderant... My toilet seems a little dryer than usual... :)
We got through show number one of the golf show online. As some of you know, we quit the radio station at the behest of my radio partner because of some fumblings by the station and they completely hacked us off... well, Mike, Dave, and I decided to take the show online and not be bothered by the goofballs at the local AM-radio affiliate. Instead of getting up at some ridiculous hour every saturday, we moved it to wednesday nights at 7pm ET and it can be heard by anyone online by going to http://cherokee.totalink.net and clicking on the listen live link. The link only works during the broadcast. Otherwise it's a dead link. The shows are archived so if you want to listen to a past show, just go to www.greatlakesgolftoday.com and click on the radio webcast link and that will take you there. Of course there's only one show up right now, but you get the idea...
I'm hoping I don't jinx myself, but the other day, when I mentioned the mayflies making their appearance here at the lake, I was preparing myself for the onslaught. Well, two nights of cold air with temps in the 40's farenheit, and I haven't seen anymore of them. Last year, they were all over the place by the 3rd week of May. We're heading into week two of June and... and... and...

How to Apply roll-on to the toilet...

You know it's going to be a wacky start to the week when I reached for the brand spanking new deodorant/ anti-persperant and the cap is in my hand but the bottom end of it which is the business end of the deodorant.. slips apart from the cap, and sails right into the toilet! Beautiful... just what I needed. I stood there and for about a tenth of a second, I was ticked off, but then I realized how absurd the look of the anti-persperant settled in the bottom of the commode looks, and I started laughing... Only something this silly could happen to me... I'm such a goof.
The weekend was pretty good. Sat in a miserable heat to broadcast a couple of games for TV and then a wicked rainstorm moved in about ten minutes after I got in my car to leave... I have a full head of hair but I still suffered sunburn on my scalp! Only something this silly could happen to me... I'm such a goof.
Sunday, I went to see my sister in the nursing home/ rehab... she is so frustrated and hates it there. Her thoughts: "It's a place where old people come to die... GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!" She has improved dramatically on a physical level. She is able to walk up and down the hallway with the help of a walker and wants to go home with Visiting Nurse and do PT at home as well. My other sister is going to talk to the nursing director and see if we can get her out of there. Otherwise, her care there is just fine which where nursing homes are concerned, is great, if not surprising...
This weekend up coming is the open camp tryout for the Cherokee hockey team. The players that make the cut from this camp will be invited to the main tryout camp in August. The coaching staff will probably find a few players out of the camp. At least I hope they do... I won't be there... hahahaha.... I've got other commitments.
Well, the mayflies are starting to make their appearance. Ugh, I hate those things but that is the price I pay for living at the lake. I know they'll be gone in about a month, but for the next four weeks, I have to put up with finding mayflies in just about everything... the side of the house, in and out of my car, in the commode with the deodorant :) well, you get the idea....

Looking Back to Look Ahead...

Oh yes, the weekend... glad that it's here. It's supposed to rain and be in the 90's here on the Ohio-Michigan border but I don't really care at this point. I'm just looking forward to a little r-n-r from the day job. And broadcasting some ball on TV today if the weather holds up... so far so good. This week was just a weird week. The day job was nutty... dealt with lots of freaky folks. I'm not trying to judge, but... well, this was typical of my days at work:

Me: "hello, can i help you"
Female Caller: "yeah, I'm looking for ....."
Me: "Ma'am, how do you spell that please so I can look it up for you?"
Caller: "I don't know! Don't you know how to spell???"
Me: Trying not to laugh... "let's try this again"
Caller: to someone in the backround... "you know what baby? hand me a shirt. I have to put a shirt on today. I've been walking around all day without one..."
Me: trying not to be scarred by the mental picture... "uh, ma'am, we don't have a patient here with that name... have a great day"... click...
Me: "Me thinks me needs a drink!"

As my workday was ending, I got a call from a dear old friend Heidi. I've known Heidi and her husband Mike for probably 20 years. We played volleyball together for what seemed like an eternity... But anyway, Heidi calls and tells me there is a mini-reunion of some of the former ICU staff from years ago and are getting together at Shorty's BBQ... I didn't have any plans so I thought I'd stop by and see a few friends from years gone by... Back in the 80's, I used to work up in ICU as an orderly. I loved working with those folks up there because we did everything together. We worked, laughed, cried, partied, went on picnics, vacations, you name it. I went to work in a different unit later on, but while I was a part of it, I really enjoyed it. Saw a few faces I hadn't seen in over 15 years or so... someone brought some picture albums and it was a stroll down memory lane. Looking at the girls all sitting there in front of me, it almost felt like 1987 again. When I looked in the photo albums, I saw some folks that triggered some wild memories that I had long forgotten about. There were even some pictures of me in there from when a few of us played in Mud Volleyball tournaments. Oh my... I think the weirdest thing I experienced was seeing a couple of pictures of my first girlfriend. That brought back a few memories. Some good, some not. But I have the benefit of time passing along to gain some perspective and when I saw her picture there, I chose to smile and think of her in a positive way. She's married with kids living out east now. I hadn't thought about her in forever. But friday night, seeing her pictures in the photo album, made me think about a time in my past when things were simpler, but also more wacked out. It made me realize where I was emotionally back then and where I am now. I really like where I am now :) I'm a much more stable and happy person today. But for one night, I looked at the past without pain, anger or frustration. Nope, just with laughter, smiles, and fondness...

Just for Hits and Grins...

Today, I'm finding myself in a bit of a weird mood. I dunno. Last night, the girls football team got smoked by West Michigan (Kalamazoo) to the tune of 41-0... There was no putting any lipstick on this one... it just flat out stunk. One of the WM players was put in the backfield to run the ball on purpose... she's not a running back by trade (hint: she's 6'2", 340lbs. and her jersey # is in the 70's) But our girls had a tough time bringing her down the 3 or 4 times she carried the ball. But the last time she carried the ball, she was hit hard and forced out of bounds by our smallest player on the team. JC is about 5'1 and all of 125lbs... she came running full force at the West MI player and threw her little body at the WM player with everything she had... The WM player ended up crashing out of bounds and our player who hit her, ricocheted off of her and did a 180 (airborne) landing in the opposite direction! Talk about taking one for the team!!! whoa baby!
Got home late from that fiasco and ended up oversleeping and was late in arriving for church Sunday morning. But I felt better after I got there. As always, it was a good message, gave me something to think about, and got me focused where I needed to be... After church I went to see my sister who is now out of the hospital and in an extended care facility to do physical rehab therapy and work towards getting back home... She seems to be a little dejected about having to be in what amounts to a nursing home. But as I told her: "your attitude is going to dictate how well you do and how fast you get out of here. You don't realize just how close you came to not making it..." Her attitude has much improved and while she doesn't like the idea of being in a rehab place, she knows that it is part of the process and that they will work her as hard or as soft as she wants to go... She went from walking and driving the day before she went in the hospital, to not being able to stand and bear weight. That is a pretty dramatic change. But if there's anyone that can conquer this, it's her. She's too mule-headed to do otherwise. Trust me, being mule-headed is a family trait... I inherited it and thrive upon it... :)

The World Still Turns...

Howdy,
Well, a beautiful sunrise greets me as I sit here on Wednesday morning. First off, I want to take a moment and offer my condolences to Jackson as her grandfather passed yesterday. It was expected, but that doesn't discount the fact that he lived a long, full, life. May his soul rest in peace. Jackson, I know that your family is doing okay but know that you and your family are still being prayed for.
A hospital representative stopped by yesterday to talk to my sister about what happened in the ER (the 67 vs 670 blood sugar) and what happened in ICU (the terrible job of taking care of her stump)... the rep was very cool and understanding and I came away feeling better than I thought I would. I was less hacked off than I was a couple of entries ago... by far... The unit where my sister was moved to is a good unit and she is getting great care and I am feeling proud to say that I am a member of that hospital again. My youngest sister and her husband and their boys stopped up to see her. Dyl was still sporting his mohawk and in a wacky Dyl moment was fresh from his guitar lessons, wearing a white tanktop better known as a 'wifebeater' shirt. His mullet loving brother Bren was happy to crack jokes on him... "all that's missing is a five day growth of beard, a can of Old Milwaukee, and a cigarette hanging from his lip"... Of course, all it took was reminding little brother of his desire to bring back 1981 on his head... who said you can't have fun in a hospital...

I don't like mondays... well, maybe I do...

It's monday... should I hide? I don't think so!
I haven't had a good monday in a few weeks. But I shall not be deterred. God is GOOD. I'm not going to cower... Good news for my sister. She was moved out of the ICU yesterday. Now the long road to going home begins. She's going to be rehabbing in the hospital for quite a long time. That part is lousy. But the fact that she is here to rehab in the first place, I'm grateful for...
The women's football team actually won their football game vs Milwaukee on Saturday. They actually almost go into a big fight near the end of the game. The big difference between the guys game and the girls version? Oh hey, that's easy... I wouldn't be caught dead between two fighting women... heh-heh... I'm not crazy... well, I guess that's up for debate perhaps... perhaps not... :)
I got to see my nephews at Church yesterday. Dyl got a mohawk and his brother wants... (holding my breath as I type this) a... a... mullet! ewwwww! I kept calling him Billy Ray & Joe Dirt and saying things like "the 1980's called, they want their hair style back." After a while, he finally decided that it wasn't worth it. I told him that he was very wise beyond his years. That there might be some hope for him yet. The funny part about him is that he (at the ripe old age of 8) looks like a high school principal, minus the pocket protector. All that's missing is the short-sleeve white shirt and tie... I love that kid cause he is very quick witted... Talking to those boys is like talking to two adults sometimes. Anyway, I hope you all have a great week and once again I thank you for your thoughts and prayers. They have helped more than you will ever know. I am one grateful person... I can be a snot sometimes but I know that God is there even when I'm ready to implode. He has kept me at peace and I'm glad that I've hung in there and more importantly, that He waited there patiently for me... Thanks God for understanding me...

Friday Night Lights (of Hope)

Hey all,
Today sees a much improved sister of mine (still in the ICU). The dialysis on Wednesday must have kick started her kidneys because her output since has improved greatly. She isn't throwing up blood or any bile anymore so she doesn't have an NG tube in her nose and they are letting her have ice chips to gently guide her back into having something to eventually eat. Her CT and MRI both came back negative. Thank our Lord. She's now concious and her stump is going to need to be elevated for quite some time. Plus it is going to need to be treated with anti-biotics. But the doctor that is taking care of this, really has his poop in a group. So believe me, I am grateful. Very grateful. The ER is a lost cause but the ICU girls are doing a much better job.
My sister was much more lucid today and recognized me without me having to tell her who I was. Always a bonus. Of course, in typical sister fashion, the next words out of her mouth were "can you get me a diet pepsi?" She's a diet pepsi-aholic. She can't have that yet. She was dejected and was getting a little cantankerous. So in typical little brother fashion, I told the ICU nurse (in front of my sister) "if my sister gives you nurses any crap, just get a diet pepsi and drink it in front of her... that'll quiet her down"... The look on both the nurse and my sister's face was priceless. Chaos, dismay, cruelty... my work there was done! LOL...
Well, I was fully expecting to get prepped for our radio golf show in the morning, but my radio partner calls me tonight and tells me that we quit. Oh joy... WE quit? Apparently there were some serious issues with the sales manager and our little pow-dunk show. The station was doing some things it wasn't supposed to do during our show and my partner called them on it and decided that we're walking. So there you go mik... He called me and we hashed everything out so being the friend that I am, I'm backing him up. We're going to do an online radio golf show starting in the next week or two. That should be interesting. I'll inform you here how this goes... or whatever may happen... who knows?
Finally, just wanted to again let you all know how much I appreciate the prayers and words of concern regarding me and my family and friends. We've turned a tough corner in a long road, and again, to our Father goes the glory! He is an awesome God...
"For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 100: 5

(too)t sweet..

Well, the news on my sister is a little bit better. She ended up having to be on dialysis. She was dialyzed on Tuesday and her kidneys seemed to have responded and are starting to work again. So I'm very cautiously optimistic. The CT shows something is up in her abdomen but the docs haven't been too impressed with it. But if it's anything like the ER experience, than I might go nuts in the process... I guess if you read my last post, then you might understand my sarcasm. The shocking part of this whole fiasco: The ******* ER doc wanted to send my sister home. He walked into the room and said "so, you want to go home, yes?" My sister was barely concious. My other sister who was there said 'I don't think so' which hacked off the ER doc. He left the room and never did return. It might have had something to do with a ******* 670 blood sugar!!!! That and her kidneys were tanking and she ended up going from the ER to the ******* ICU... HELLO!!! Wednesday wasn't much of a banner day either when the vascular doc that saw her when she had half of her foot amputated, was finally notified and came in and saw how little the ICU folks took care of her stump and went balistic. He wasn't happy at all. But he did some work on my sister and it did some improvement to her stump. The blood sugars are better but that's because of the insulin drip. And even the sugars have been wacky for her... There's a long road ahead but I'm going to stand on my faith that she's going to get back to baseline and make it back home and with some therapy, can get back to doing some living. As for me, I'm strangely calm. I'm feeling very strong inside and my faith in God has been reinvigorated... He really is awesome and I know first hand how very real His blessings are and have been in my life. That and my family has rallied around my sister. They have been at the hospital every day. I've been there (I also work there... although after the experiences my sister has been through, I don't know if I want to admit that I work there)... so I go at every break to check on her and get updates. My other sisters though really deserve the praise and the credit for being there most of the time. I look forward to her getting out of ICU. I'll keep you posted as to how she's doing...

More Fun On A Monday...

Hope everyone had a good mother's day out there... My sister, fresh from sending my nephew back to the marines last monday, is now very sick and in the hospital. She's a diabetic and was very nauseous and in great pain. That's what sent her to the ER. What kept her in the hospital (and in the ICU) was when they checked her blood sugar, it read 67. So they tried to give her some sugars and sweets to bump it up a bit. Something didn't sound right about that and as sure as there are cheetos in Albany, they came back into her room and said the blood sugar machine had malfunctioned and they needed to retake it. Oh perfect... well, they retook it alright. The result: 670... that is not a typo... six hundred and seventy... Many thoughts going through my head at this point. I'm too tired to be mad. I'm glad that she didn't slip into a coma or worse. I'm going to be spending most of my time there at the hospital, which is also where I WORK... ugh! I'm hopeful though that she'll pull through just fine. Ahhhh life, never a dull moment...

A Grateful Heart, A Thankful Heart...

I sit here a very humbled man...
I've been sitting here over the last couple of days, trying to process what life has dealt and what I've done to make life better or worse (depending on your point of view)... I didn't like how much I was feeling so negative. I understand feeling genuine sadness, that's normal. With everything that's happened this week already, I allowed myself a little time for feeling sad. But I began to notice I was just plain negative about everything. I wasn't nasty to anyone (at least not intentionally) but I could feel the cynical streak inside of me coming to the front of the class, standing at the chalkboard, ready write lots of chapters. Nope. Not this time. I couldn't let that happen again. Of course the big question in my heart was 'How?'... How could I keep my melancholy in check? Oh, I know that God is good... I believe that. It's a part of me. But as a weak mortal, I didn't think about other avenues the Lord can use. And boy, did He... I received a such a caring response here and via e-mail that I can't put into words the gratitude... the sheer thankfulness that I am experiencing for the time that people took to offer to pray for me. To pray for my friend Sonja and her family. For things that I didn't even mention here. And all of this was from people, some of whom didn't (don't) even know me. I can't find the words to express the deep, deep appreciation I have for all of you that took the time to lift me up in prayer. To reach outside of yourselves, outside of your comfort zone, and to think about me and those that I care about. 'Thank You' seems so inadequate for what you've done for me. But I very humbly say thank you for prayers... Prayers that did wonders...
Today started out on a tough note as I went to see Sonja for the last time. Her family seemed to be doing okay for the most part. I walked in there not in the best of moods because I got lost and went to the wrong funeral home first... A story in itself. I figured that Sonja would be laughing at me if she was here. So my frustration was short-lived. I walked in and as I approached her casket, I was stunned. I knew her vehicle had flipped several times and she was killed instantly. But she had to have some serious cosmetic work done to be presented in an open casket. I can't even imagine how frightening it must've been. I didn't spend too much time up there. I said some prayers and headed over to the pictures display. I preferred to remember her in those pictures because that was the Sonja I knew... Her husband was standing there not really saying much. Who could blame him? I left and went home, just feeling really small and sad.
But as God closes one door, He opens another. One of the things I was really struggling with was the discovery that a friend of mine, someone I really look up to, someone I respect and have grown to be very fond of, was seen by his doctor and there was a serious probability of my friend having tongue cancer. Oh, I forgot to mention, he sings in his church's choir, and sings in a music group (bluegrass gospel) and has a ministry of his own. The thought of him losing his tongue and not being able to verbalize and sing for Jesus was so very disheartening. I was fully expecting for the tests to come back positive. I mentally prepared for the worst. When you work in a hospital as long as I have, you don't allow yourself to get too hopeful. I was praying for the miracle but readied myself for what might come. This afternoon I got the most wonderful of news... the results were NEGATIVE! NO cancer baby!!! To His Name be the Glory!!! I threw my arms up in praise and thanksgiving. I couldn't hold back! I was overwhelmed. I couldn't stop smiling. I wanted to cry but the tearducts were bone dry. So I just laughed... I laughed and had such a feeling of joy come over me... I must be getting old or something. I went and celebrated by going through the drive thru at Taco Hell... er, Bell... :) I am so grateful to God for His goodness and mercy. I don't deserve it, but I am so blessed because He gave me the strength to not only say goodbye to a friend, but say hello to a second chance at life with another friend. He is an awesome God...

"give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus..." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

From Happy to Crappy in One Afternoon...

Well, so much for the optimism and promise from Monday. Life has a funny way of pissing on a parade. Forgive my french, but I'm not in a stellar mood right now. I'm putting up a nice facade to people around me, but I'm bumming big time right now. After getting my nephew to the airport and sending him on his way, I was feeling pretty good. I wrote my last entry and posted it here and I had a good attitude as I headed into work at the hospital when I got a phone call from a lady up in one of the units. She told me that a very dear friend of ours was killed in a car wreck. I sat in total shock. I went completely numb. Sonja was a wonderful friend whom I knew for a number of years. She worked in a dept. where I used to go on the Saturday mornings that I worked to visit other friends that worked in her dept. and just shoot the breeze. Eventually, Sonja and I became friends as well. We had common interests and when the other friends had left the dept., I would go just to say hello and talk to Sonja about anything. We would talk politics, sports, life, (usually her kids and husband). I sat across from her a couple of weeks ago at a going away party for a mutual friend. We joked around a little bit before she left to go to another party somewhere near home. The last time I talked to her was last week when she called me for something work related and also asked how I was doing. She was busy, I could tell, but she also sounded happy. I'm supposed to work this Saturday morning. I don't know if I can go to her dept. without losing it. Right now I am not feeling anything. I've got other issues I'm thinking about right now too that are just as meaningful to me and I don't know... I don't know what to think or to feel or to say... God, I know you have your reasons for everything you do... but this hurts. It really does. Not just losing Sonja, but everything else going on... I'm beginning to really understand the quote from Job 1:21 in the Bible "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord"...

Monday Musings...

More of what I do best... random thoughts...
Spent an eternity in Milwaukee this past weekend. The women's football team got beat by a Milwaukee team that up to this point, hadn't even scored a single point, let alone win a game... Oh this is going to be another long season... zzzzz... after the game, the Milwaukee team was very gracious and invited our team out to some pub for a late night dinner. Very (as in ice) cold pizza... it still has my stomach upset two days later... ahhhhh life!
Anyway, my nephew the marine left today for more training down in the Carolinas. My sister is a bit of a wreck but that's normal. He had a good time here and spending most of it with both his girlfriend and my family did him a world of good. He is such a good young man. I'm very very proud of him. God works in mysterious ways. I'm living proof of that. But I'm happiest that I got to see the change in him first hand. It really warms this old dog's heart.
Oh, lest I forget, baby Tristan had a successful open-heart surgery this past week. He's recovering and doing well. It's going to be the first of several operations he'll need to repair the damage to his heart but right now, so far, so good... Thank You Lord... Carolyn is doing better. Her sister was taken off of the vent and is being moved out of ICU and we're prayerfully hopeful. I'm feeling not so cynical as I was last thursday. I was a bit cranky with that last entry but I guess that's just me being me. I'm glad God has a sense of humor (a willingness to understand and forgive)...
Okay a little more sports... Roger Clemens just came to terms on a one year deal with the Yankees that will be worth more than the gross national product of most 3rd world nations. When you break it down, it comes to about 200 thousand dollars per inning pitched by him! I guess that's why a hot dog costs 5 dollars and 8oz of beer is 7 bucks... He's going to start in the minors first by going to play with his son's team in Lexington. I wouldn't be surprised if they start charging like the major leagues down there... lol...
Hope your week starts out and goes well. I'm hopeful for mine too... Peace...

Pickin' and Grinnin' (my apologies to Buck Owens and Roy Clark)

Random thoughts for a Thursday...
Today I went to work by day (hospital) and by night (a lacrosse match for TV). In the game between one of the best high school teams in the area and the worst, well... it was absolutely brutal. Final score: St Francis-15 Bedford-0 A real nail biter... It bit alright.
Anyway, I'm really praying for my friend and co-worker Carolyn. Those of you who follow my writings here, know that she recently lost her husband Doug. She is also the aunt of Haley (and now Tristan) whom I've also written about here as well. She has been a worry wart about those two and on top of that, her sister, who is being treated for cancer, was rushed to the hospital on Tuesday and place on a vent. They found a blood clot in her lungs. Carolyn broke down at work, when told that her sister was put on a breathing machine. All those memories of Doug on life support came flooding back and she just lost it. "I can't go through this again" I didn't know what to do so I just held her in my arms while she sobbed. Times like this are when I want to tug on God's ear and say "hey there, could you please take it easy on this family?" I know in my heart that He has a plan and a reason for everything He does. I have to go on my faith in Him that there is a purpose to all of this. In my smallness and humanity, I just hate seeing people agonize like this. It just whizzes sometimes...
Okay, strange things I've noticed about my family... my nephew (the marine) who leaves on monday has an aversion to bugs. If I take a dead bug and toss it at him, he'll freak. I hope no terrorist reads this info because if my Marine ever gets into combat, he'll be trained to kill others, but could be disarmed and brought to his knees by the appearance of a dead mosquito.
Dyl, the 10 year-old rock star wanna be, with the deadly right hand, has developed a strong taste in music. I was expecting some hip-hop or stuff he learns in school... nope, not our Dyl... His preferred music of choice: classic rock-n-roll. I saw him the other day and he was messin' around on his guitar and when he saw me, he said "hey, check this out" and proceeded to play the all too familiar opening riff of 'Smoke on the Water' from Deep Purple. He also learned '25 or 6 to 4' from Chicago... I sat there in utter amazement.
And finally, one of the former hockey players from the Cherokee, well actually his dad, called me and asked me to go up to his house and set up his brand new computer system. Hey, why not, I thought. Went up there (near Detroit) and we had a great time. I wouldn't take payment but since he was going to throw away the 'old' computer, I told him I would take that instead. When I got the computer home, I cleared all of the old stuff he had on there off of the system, and put some other software in it, and it works just fine. It was too 'slow' for him. It wouldn't load up some stuff he wanted so he said the heck with it and bought a new rig. I discovered that the reason it didn't load up quickly was because the system only had 256 of memory loaded in. So I am blessed because I got a nice Dell home system out of the deal. Very nice... Hope you all are doing okay. Actually, better than okay. I really do appreaciate the notes and emails of concern and of encouragement... you guys (and gals) are the greatest...