Headlines...

Okay, I'm making it official... I'm officially filing papers to declare... that I'M the father of Anna Nicole's baby... And I shaved Brittney's head too... While I'm at it, about the JFK thing (I was a xygote... but a powerful one!) There, I feel better now... ugh!

I'm getting sick of what passes for 'news' these days. Okay, granted... most of it is political so that is enough of a reason to be turned off by all of it. The main networks (ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN) and the print media, who do nothing but tear down this country and blame everyone on the right. The alternative media (Fox, Newsmax, Drudge, Talk Radio) who do nothing but rip the left and it's all negative to the point where I almost want to tune out what's happening. But c'mon people, there is some crap out there that makes the above comments I opened with, seem almost believable... especially the JFK assassination bit (hint: I wasn't born yet)... Examples? Here are some TRUE headlines...

"Stop Global Warming by Banning Beef Not Cars" Christian Science Monitor
"A Film Star in Kampala, Conjuring Amin's Ghost." (positive qualities of a brutal dictator?) NY Times
"Redefining Black" LA Times... Obama isn't "black enough" to get the support of the standing Black American leadership because of his White/Hawaiian/African (meaning NOT African American, but real African) heritage.
"Woman Allegedly Tries To Get Painkillers Under Her Dog's Name" AP

and my personal favorite:
"Canadian Man Suing Makers of 'America's Funniest Home Videos'" (apparently he mistook the title to mean 'north american') But can you imagine if it was to include 'north america' and we got videos from south of the border? It would be something like "Okay, here are some bloopers of some botched attempts to try and illegally cross the border. Call the kids in and let's have a laugh..."

And I'm not even going to mention about the Mexican illegals who are here, testifying against our border patrol who had the audacity to ACTUALLY DO THEIR JOB. And are now being prosecuted for it. I'm a proud American (of mexican descent) conservative, but even I think that the government has really dropped the ball on this one. Geez, we're giving the illegal meatheads immunity and are paying for them to be here, including free food and phone cards(???) But we can't give our troops a lousy phone card to call home with??? Now that really hacks me off big time. Why don't we give those illegal testifiers a Taco Bell gift card and a trip back across... Not a social security card, free hotel room for someone who smuggled illegal aliens and drugs TWICE across our border. Even they have the good sense to know that Taco Bell isn't real mexican food! I still eat Taco Hell though. It's just good fast food. I know, I know, I got sidetracked, but I'm trying to stay in a good mood...

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow...

Digging out from a mess...

Ahhhh winter is BACK! Don't know about where you're at but here on the Ohio-Michigan border, we got tatooed pretty good. When I walked out to my car in the wee hours of yesterday morning, the snow drifts were over the hood of the front and back end and I could not see the wheels of said auto. Yip, yip, yippeeee. I finally got to work (via security dept.) about 2 hours later. With what should've only been a 20 minute ride, I got to work and sat down as we got slammed but good. Lots of people needing help with various issues that come along with a level 3 snow emergency. What that means is that non-emergency personnel were banned from driving on the streets within the county (including all cities and towns within that county). In the outlying areas, outside of Toledo, a number of roads were not passable. Accidents everywhere. Throughout the day, the roads were cleared pretty well, but ice became an equally primary concern and added to the fun and circus like atmosphere... I made it home late last night after a cozy 15 hour day to see the snow drifts (hey, it got all the way up to a warm and balmy 14 degrees) still entact and the added dimension of the snow plower having added more snow to surround my car. Oh joy, I am beyond tickled... ahhh sighhh... The easy thing would be to get hacked off, but to honest, I don't have the energy and it just isn't worth it. I walked to the pizza place next door and the carryout down the street and it was 'pizza and beer' night in chateaux Mik... One cheese pizza and one beer later, I was falling asleep in front of my computer so I turned in early. Today (a day off from work), I get to spend it digging my car out. Or as I like to refer to it as... 'my annual cardio stress test'... should be interesting

When Life Sucks... There's Hope!

Seventh Day Slumber - Caroline

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Getting (Flint) Stoned on My Mom's Birthday

Feeling a little surley tonight. The Cherokee took it on the chin this weekend as we were dealt two huge losses by Flint. A 7-3 blowout on Saturday night and a 3-2 heartbreaker on Sunday. I got home on Sunday night feeling more relieved than anything. The players couldn't shower after the game on saturday night at the rink because the pipes had frozen and there was no hot water. So they hopped on the bus and we all headed back to the motel to let them get showered and go get something to eat. Well, some of the rooms at the motel didn't have warm water either. I think only twice when I flushed my toilet, did the water actually go down. And it had nothing to do with the mexican food I ate for supper... I'm such a dork!
Anyway, today would've been my mom's birthday. So I say happy birthday mom. I don't write nearly as much about her as I have my father. But I think it's because she passed when I was a freshman in high school and that was many years ago. But that doesn't take away from the fact that she did have a lasting impact on my life. At first, in a very negative way. My mom had emotional issues. After she passed, I had a very negative view of her. She had a temper the likes I've never seen and a mouth to match. She could make a sailor blush. I think I picked that aspect of her behavior up early in my life. For the longest time, I used to blame her for a lot of the failure I had early in my life. It was a convenient escape. But I chose to feel that way. I learned that behavior and thrived in it. It wasn't until I found out about her childhood that I realized how childish and stupid I really was. Her childhood made mine look like an episode of the Brady Bunch. It was horrible. Very horrible. I know that my childhood was pretty nasty, but compared to hers... no comparison. The fact that she survived and was able to love and find something resembling a life, is nothing short of miraculous. I am always reminded of my favorite mom memory. She had just been down at the neighbors in the middle of a heated arguement. She comes back home, just a little ticked off to say the least. The neighbor later that afternoon, has a nervous breakdown and ends up being transported to the hospital. My mom goes over to the neighbor's house and starts making tortillas and other food for the eight kidsthat our neighbor had. They asked her 'why' since they argued earlier in the day. My mom didn't even blink an eye and explained how insignificant that disagreement was and how important family is at times like this. When my mom passed, that family was right there grieving with us... My mom touched a lot of people even though she had a rough life. When I feel challenged by the crap that goes on in my life these days, I think of others and draw inspiration from them to keep a good attitude. Today, I'm thinking of my mom and I know that she did the best she could under very trying circumstances. But it's okay. Mom, you did good... you did real good. I'm proud to say you were my mom... and thanks for teaching me about what's good in the world and to look for the good in people. Happy Birthday... love you lots...

Hitting the cultural rocks... Flint stones...

Just staring at a blank screen in the hope that words will somehow magically appear with some clever, witty, and totally absorbing entry. Okay, back to reality... yawn!

My throat is killing me which is like a death knell for a guy who uses his voice for a living. I have done hockey and basketball all week plus working the day job. My voice is shot. I've got to get it together cause this weekend, the hockey team heads up to Flint for the showdown for first place. Two huge games, Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. I am really psyched up for that. It's going to be huge and I know a LOT of people will be listening online so I hope to be ready. Fans of Cherokee hockey know that Flint will be the focal point in the CSHL this weekend. Flint as in Flint, Michigan. I'm underwelmed when it comes to thinking about the idea of having to spend a weekend in Flint, Michigan. Flint is a microcosm of Detroit, only more depressing. Flint is devoid of any real culture... unless you consider breaking into a hotel room to catch your boyfriend 'in the act' a real cultural experience. That actually happened last time we were up in Flint. Some local woman tried climbing into some person's (hint: it wasn't her boyfriend's) room... I also am not a fan of Flint because even such a simple activity like shopping is so depressing. I go to a mall and look at the people and they look so defeated. Like they look forward to the relief that death will bring... Yeah, that depressing. It's like Neil Young could write his next album here... yeah, THAT depressing... I think this time around I'm going to spend my downtime up there in my room with plenty of movies (upbeat stuff) and serve my penance until I get home Sunday night... yep, THAT depressing...

Taking Stock Of What Matters...

As we head into the weekend, I'm just in a mood of gratitude... I'm dealing with a severe sore throat, a slight temp, a bit of nausea... hey, maybe I'm pregnant! Heard about my little buddy Haley's scan yesterday. They found another spot near her pancreas. They are not sure if it's more CA or if it's scar tissue. She refused to take the contrast so the docs could tell. But next time she goes in, they're going to sedate her so that they can administer the contrast and find out what she's dealing with... Yeah, I'm nervous. And I'm not even a blood relative. I can't stand that this is happening to a three year old girl. But y'know what? If she and her mom and dad aren't going to say 'why Haley?' then why should I? I flat out love that little kid. She is such a bundle of joy whenever I see her. She never complains, and is always looking forward to seeing people... including me. She and her folks stopped by the office the other day and I wasn't in... she kept looking around and finally asked "mommy, where's the boy?" When they told me what she said, I wanted to laugh, but I kinda wanted to cry too. It's times like this where my faith in God can come under a challenge. I mean, some people might want to say: "why did God let something like this happen to such a sweet adorable child?" It would be easy for a person to question why God would allow bad things to happen to good people... If I tried to write about my friend Candi, I'd be here writing for days, trying to describe how amazing that woman is and why she not only has my deepest respect, but why she has become a hero I look up to... But that's where my faith in Him has to decisive and firm. First, believing in God does not mean peace FROM difficulties, but peace DURING difficulties. God is not a little old man who acts like a warlock and can cast spells to get at bad people on an as needed basis. God has given ALL of us a very tremendous gift... the gift of FREE WILL. He doesn't force us to believe in Him. We can completely walk away from Him if we so choose. Those of us who choose to believe, must understand that it is HE whom we honor. He whom we give ourselves to. And how is the best way to display how we should honor Him? Easy. By how we treat others. I don't need to be some holier than thou holy roller. I need to serve others and treat them with compassion, respect, dignity, and love. He says: "when you do unto the least of these, you dounto Me." So I CHOOSE to feel gratitude in times of worry and pray and stand on my faith that God's will (not mine) be done. As screwed up an individual as I am, I believe that while I have a list a mile long of wants, needs, and desires, at the end of the day, I prefer to believe that there is a loving God who knows what's best for me and can save me from myself. Faith by it's very definition is choosing to belive even though I don't have all of the answers. And I have to be okay with that. Otherwise, why have faith. If I had the all of the answers to every question, heartbreak, and disappointment, why would I need God? Fact is, I DO need him and I hope to be a better Christian. Not a religious person, but a Christian. There IS a difference. I want to be more helpful to my fellow man. It's people like Haley and Candi that have been such an inspiration to me when my faith has been tested and at it's weakest. And friends like Mike, Riccie, Dan, and Tina have been good friends to me here and have been there when I've needed them. So yeah, I feel more like expressing gratitude instead of worry and doubt. I am BLESSED... Yep!

It's Thursday... Oh Yippee... zzzz...

In the proverbial words of Fat Albert: Hey, Hey, Hey!
It's another day of bitter cold here on the lake but I guess it had to get winter-like sooner or later. My little buddy Haley stopped at work to see us yesterday. I couldn't even hide my smile and giddiness. She really is a blessing to all of us. Her and I were playing 'hide and seek' and I think she even got me to do a silly dance. She wouldn't do a ballet dance move (she takes intro to ballet) and I'm like this overgrown ape just trying to do the move and she is laughing hysterically at me. Of course, everyone in the office is completely enamoured of her. So she walks out of there with tons of candy and doll stickers, etc... She had to undergo another chemo treatment today. That is pretty rough on her. But I think it is worse on everyone else because to watch a three year old girl go through this and see her with a weak smile and lose some of her hair, it is very sobering. But she still is able to have the strength to keep going. Her mom told me that she saw the lady that was going to administer the chemo and Haley ran up to her and gave her a big hug and a kiss... Like I said before, I'm just a silly fool for whining about what minor troubles or problems that I have. What I have pales in comparison to watching others. And the greatest thing is that I notice how there is no complaints, whining or any 'why me?' type attitudes. I get humbled every time I see such courage. It's more courage than I could ever hope for...

Something To Think About

Casting Crowns - Does Anybody Hear Her

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Giving Thanks

Looking back through time when I was a kid
I think about all of the stupid things that I did
And how I hurt You

I thought I had the world in the palm of my hand
But the truth be told, I really didn't understand
The way I hurt You

There's nothing I can do now, to change the past
Wishing won't make it go away I thought the die was cast
But then there's You...

So here I am all these years later and You're still here
Only You know where I've gone, feeling shame and fear
Yet that didn't matter to You

You still took me back with Your outstretched arms
And forgave the pain I inflicted and all of the harm
How can I ever thank You?

I don't know what I did to deserve a second chance at life
Never thought I'd live to be this old, much less be so alive
And it's all because of You

Thank You for giving a broken person another chance to live
I still make mistakes but You're still quick to forgive
Instead of denying, I Honor YOU

Thanks for not giving up on me when I wanted to fall apart
I don't know how else to say what's inside of my heart
I Love You

A life changing greasy cheeseburger...

Here we are on Sunday, the proverbial day of rest. I'm on the road. I'm in Cincinnati, and I really have enjoyed myself this weekend, and I'm by far, a changed person. Okay, I'm not going to shave my head and join the moonies... oops, I did shave my head but I'm not joining the moonies... okay, NO CHANTING! lol... Anyway, I had some extra time and went down over the border and I met a friend of mine down in Kentucky for lunch. She and her father were simply amazing. She suffers from a disease called Freidrich's Ataxia, which affects her speech and some of her motor skills, including having to get around in a wheelchair. But it does not dampen her spirit. That's what floored me. When the two of them popped into the restaurant, she struggled to stick her hand out to shake my hand. I didn't want shake her hand too hard. But she just went on with talking to me as if it were no big deal. That's because to her, it wasn't. Her dad was such a great guy. I hit it off with him immediately. We spent a couple of hours together and I went with them and visited a center where they do ministry outreach for some of the less fortunate. They are the most unassuming people I've ever met. I was rocked to my core. I never seen someone who has such struggles, serve as such an inspiration to others. And she considers her physical challenges an honor and a blessing from God to be able to help and serve others. I get whinny and annoyed if I can't sleep. How could I ever complain when I see people like her and know that she is able to do so much more than I ever could, and under the most difficult of circumstances and do it with such joy? Earlier this past week, I was a little complacent and complaining about what I thought were the challenges of daily life. I have learned from a little girl with cancer, and a woman with freidrich's ataxia, that what I face is so minimal and insignificant with what these girls face. Y'know, it says in the Good Book that God uses the foolish to confound the wise... I think in this case, it was the other way around. He used the wise to confound this foolish person... I sit here in awe of some amazing people. And I mean it when I say I am in awe of these people. My heroes were always people in my profession and of course the Big Man upstairs. He continues to be. But I think that the ones here on earth have been replaced by a three year old and a woman in a wheelchair who can do and say more with one incredible smile, than I could ever do working for hours and hours. I can't tell you how blessed I am...

A Matter Of Perspective...

Sometimes I must admit, when I get down on myself, I silently hope that God will give me a nudge to jumpstart my attitude. I was feeling a bit blue the other night when I was writing about my nephew heading off to camp and not saying c'ya. I had all of those thoughts that go through your head at times like that... what IF? I knew I had to let go of those thoughts and remain focused on the objective- to make sure he becomes a Marine, a man, and comes home safely (preferrably in one piece). I had those wacked out thoughts in my head but got snapped back to reality... at work of all places. I, sitting there like a bump on a log, when in stops the neice of one of my co-workers. She and her husband bring in their 3 year old daughter to get chemo and be treated for a tumor on her kidney... and she's only three freaking years old??? I stopped complaining and feeling sorry for myself right on the spot. Haley is such an adorable bundle of joy and has such an infectious smile that I can't help but smile and laugh when she starts singing and dancing around. She's quite an inquisitive little one and I gave her some candy when she was leaving and after her mom told her to 'say thank you', Haley walked over and high fived me. I couldn't believe that this little 3 year-old sweetheart could have an impact on me. I've always had a bitter anger towards cancer because of what it has done to my family. I've lost virtually all of my mom's side of the family and a number of (and including) my dad's. I lost him a year and a half ago. I've got a sister with leukemia, and another sister who is trying to recover from the ravages of ovarian... The easiest thing to do is to feel sorry for myself. But I CAN'T. Under NO circumstances can I allow myself to get down about life or the people in it. There is way too much in life to live for and look forward to. I need to appreciate and treasure life because as unexciting and lousy as it can get sometimes, there are lots of people who would give anything to trade places with me. And it took a little 3 year old girl who is fighting for her own life to bring that point home to me..
Well, I'm on the road right now... heading to Cincinnati tomorrow for a pair of games and then it's back home to start another dull week of work... and I am blessed to look forward to it...

Das Boot (camp)

I'm sitting here kind of quiet. My nephew left for the Marines. I'm sort of quiet about it because we haven't talked except when we said hello to each other in passing back at Christmas. He's been trying to live it up after high school and took some time for college but decided to enlist. I think it was because he felt he was going nowhere here. He was beginning to really give my sister a lot of lip and didn't want to listen to her or follow her rules. Part of me was surprised, but another part of me is glad because maybe he'll realize how good he had it at home. Of course the downside of this is that he'll probably end up having to go into battle. I've always admired and proudly heralded the military and especially their families for their sacrifice. I am only slightly worried about his future and where he might end up going. I was always supportive of our troops and this action. I am even more so now. My only prayer is that God keep my nephew protected and safe from all phyisical and emotional, and spiritual harm. And that the Marines help him grow up...

Who said small town life was boring? zzzz...

Can you imagine how much fun life would be if we all were exactly the same? Nah, me either. I had some fun the other day when I was wearing a tie-dye t-shirt and it was a Cherokee t-shirt but the person that noticed I was wearing it thought I was a Grateful Dead fan... aka... a 'deadhead'... depending on whom you ask, some might consider me a deadhead... as in dead from the neck on up. :) I'm still chuckling over that one. The girl that noticed it asked if I was a 'Dead fan... I said 'no' and asked why. "Because you have tie-dye on." In the infamous words of a personal hero... Bill Engvall- "Here's your sign."
Woke up this morning to freezing rain. After all the mild weather this winter in the midwest, my town turns into an outdoor skating rink. Speaking of rinks, the Cherokee took two games this weekend to move up into second place. So yes, I am in a pretty good mood...

Off and Running in '07

Sorry it's been a while since I've added an entry. I have been ridiculously busy. I have had so much going on away from the work stuff. The usual crap. Work, travel, minor emergencies, dumb things that go oops in the night. Oh, where to begin. I don't know. I just know that work right now is a pressure cooker... two people on leave (because of cancer) and another quit and we are working short handed and my schedule has gone upside down. But sometimes, it gets a little weird... and other times it can be downright humorous... exhibit A:

Me: "hi, can I help you?" (answering phone)
Caller: "yeah, I wanna talk to my mom"
Me: "um, is she a patient or does she work here?"
Caller: "yeah she's a patient!" (then mumbles under her breath... "what an idiot!")
Me: Okay...
Caller: "Okay WHAT?"
Me: "well, um, what's your mom's name?"
Caller: "Oh, uhhh, Disney"
Me: "Disney, how is that spelled please?"
Caller: (heavy sigh) "DISNEY... like Walt Disney... D-I-Z-N-Y"
Me: (trying not to laugh) "um, is that her first name or last"
Caller: Oh **** this! (hangs up)
Me: (thinking to myself) "well, now I can say that I know someone who didn't get 'Hooked On Phonics' for Christmas"

A Look Back... A Look Ahead...

So as 2006 comes to a close, I would normally do a month by month look back at what happened in the last 12 months. However, I started the year hurting pretty bad and ended it pretty happy. So instead of all the rehashing, I am going to look back at a few lows and highs and comment on the overall of where I am at these days. Of course '06 saw Tanner's suicide, Steve being killed by a drunk driver and Greeds heart giving out just before Christmas in '05. Not alot of positive stuff. It still is a bummer. The obvious low point for me was that the girl who at the time I wanted to spend my life with, bid me adieu under very 'peculiar' circumstances. In January, I went to her apartment twice in the beginning of the month to leave food at her front doorstep for her and her son. I had a key to her apartment, but since I was looked upon with disdain by her, I never did anything more than leave food there at her doorstep without trying to talk to her. It was at that point that I had to make some difficult decisions about this person. She was accusing me of some pretty nasty garbage, not realizing we still had/have mutual friends. I had to decide if all of this was worth it... Six years of trying, only to discover some lies, deceit, and drama queen behavior that I wasn't prepared for. The worst of all of this mess led to the road that gave me the highest of highs. I finally discovered a number of reasons that I HAD to let go and really stand on my faith. So last winter/ spring, I did just that. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it was soooo worth it. I couldn't do it alone and the help of some good friends really opened my eyes to some things and it made it so much easier to let go of that stupidity that was the waste of time the last six years posed. Since then, she has yet another guy and moved in and now is going to be getting married to him. A year ago, I probably would've been devistated. Today, I find the whole thing laughable and am so grateful that I am no longer a part of that mess. Instead of bitterness, I choose to take the high road and wish her every happiness and success in her future. And thank God that I'm not a part of it...
Since summer, I've been trying to stay focused on what is good and take a much more positive approach to life. It hasn't been easy. Watching a couple of my sisters' health start to slide has not been a lot of fun. But their attitudes have been inspirational and watching them display joy at some real low points fueled my resolve to be a better Christian and show it more by action and not by words. I guess the thing I have discovered about myself and about life, is that there will always be more questions than answers. I don't have answers to a ton of questions that I have. But that is why I have faith. I believe that even though I don't have any answers to questions about many things that have happened in my life, I have come to the point where I choose to accept that I will never know all the answers and I have to be okay with that. It allows me to let go of some things and be able to move on... more importantly, to move on and be happy. That is one of the best things to happen to me. I look forward to what 2007 will bring. I look forward to those of you who read this group of little blurbs from time to time, stopping by again and saying hello. I don't know what the new year will hold, but I am going in with child like eyes, optimism, and hope... To all of you, friend and foe alike, I wish you the very best that 2007 has to offer... God Bless...

Do You See What I See?

Some weird things I've seen in the last couple of days while out either working or going to the store shopping or a whole variety of things...
First, I saw a baby Jesus in the manger scene outside of a funeral home. It was a full sized one and it was right in front of the mortuary. Took up most of the front lawn.
Second, Someone on the other end of the phone calling their kids some four letter words and then when they realized that I had answered, changed their tone completely to that fake, over nice "oh how arrrrrrre yooooou?" Made me want to tiger-chunk...
Third, I saw a sign that said 'Jesus is the Reason for the Season'. Not out of the ordinary at this time of year. But at a Kentucky Fried Chicken???
Finally, another manger set-up. This one took the cake. It was in a bar I stopped in to get a bite to eat. I sat down, ordered some chicken, turned to my right, and did a double take as I saw the three wise men, Joseph, Mary and the baby Jesus in their usual display, only this time instead of an animal barn, they were brought to us by the fine folks of Miller Lite. I sat there with my jaw agape, and didn't make heads or tails of the whole thing... they were part of a beer display??? No wonder I don't drink that watered-down, moose pee from Milwaukee. I'll never move up there because it's socialist, but when it comes to quality brew and respect for the season, I'll tip my hat to the Canadians anytime... Hope you finished your Christmas shopping... I'll begin mine tomorrow... gotta luv it!

Went to a fight and a hockey game broke out...

Trying to wake up to type this entry...
I'm just a little bit sluggish as I am home from work and having done my 3rd Cherokee game in less than 48 hours up in Taylor, MI which is just outside of Detroit. Me, I'm a little whipped from juggling my work and broadcast schedules. Plus getting church in there which I did, and that meant that I had no down time to speak of. Of course, after what happened last weekend, I had to be at the rink to see how things were going to go. Last weekend, we played Dubuque. They beat us fair and square 5-2... no big deal there. But with about 25 seconds remaining, one of their guys turned up ice with his head down and got knocked into next week on a clean hit by one of our guys. It was a clean hit, but they didn't like it. Watched the replay several times and it was the same conclusion. Clean hit. But they decided to mix things up a bit. On the ensuing face off, the Dubuque coach sent his cement head tough guy out and as the puck was dropped, his tough guy didn't even look at where the play was... he charged down the ice with the express purpose to take out our goaltender. A wild melee' ensued and there was all kinds of crap that happened. They thought that they could 'send a message' by trying to muscle us up, but one problem: Our tough guys beat the living crap out of theirs. Not because we were trying to goon it up. Not at all. But because we had to protect our goaltender and the players stood up for each other. Well this weekend was a tournament showcase where all 14 teams in the CSHL were in Taylor to play hockey against each other (each team had three games fri-sun) and were being scouted by higher level leagues and some colleges. The Dubuque guys (about 4 of them) came by but said and did nothing. Their coach was suspended for five games. He peaked out at our game, looked at me and I looked at him and nothing else came of it. He went back over to the other rink to watch his team's game from the cheap seats. I'm still pretty hacked off about the gong show that was Dubuque. The kid that tried to take out our goalie received suspensions that amounted to him being gone for the rest of the regular season. It was pretty intense there for a while... We won two of the three games we played this weekend so we head into the Christmas break on a high note.

Why? Why Not?

Sometimes, I wonder about the chaos that can go on in the world. Then I think about life in my world and while at times I question and can get a bit agitated by what can happen, I know that there is a reason and purpose behind most everything. Even when I don't understand. And that's where it can get difficult. The part about accepting that I don't understand everything that happens but knowing there's a purpose behind it... As we come up on what is for most folks, the happiest and joyful time of the year, I wonder why some of the most painful memories people experience are at this time of year. I think because at it's basic core, Christmas is supposed to represent love and a safe, secure place for us to let our guard down with those we hold dear. Anymore, we have done so much to change the face of Christmas. We have done so much to secularize Christmas. And I'm not talking about trying to make it this holier than thou religious event either. I don't think that was what God had in mind. (I'm not arrogant or smart enough to pretend that I know what God wants. I'm just opining) In my silly mind, I choose to believe that We are supposed to take stock of our lives. Despite the hard times that life can throw at us, I think we're supposed to discover what is actually right in our lives (even if it's not a lot) and be grateful. The 'love' that we're supposed to feel at this time of year can come back to bite us in the butt if we don't allow it to grow in us. If love isn't growing, it's dying inside of us. I think that is why some people get so depressed and miserable. Some to the point of wanting to end it all. My take: simple... some people realize how much they miss the love and security of their past and feel like they can't ever get that back. But it doesn't matter how awful life can be to us. Whether pain, misery, physical or emotional loss of a loved one, illness, lonliness, we all have a purpose. Even if we may not always be sure what that purpose is, rest assured, we have one. There's an old saying about enduring the hardness of life that says "let your test be your testimony". Losely translated, endure it so that you can serve as hope to others who don't know how they are going to survive their own private hell... I just hope that no matter how little, we can all find something to be grateful for... I, for one, am grateful to all the friends (and a few enemies too... lol) that I've made here in the cyber-world. I've had some that have not always appreciated my intentions in the past. But I don't think much about the past anymore. For the first time in many years, instead dwelling on past failures (believe me, there are soooo many), I choose to focus on the small successes. The little (almost insignificant) things. My life is much more enriched now because of the small things that are good. That includes people I've met and continue to meet. I am truly blessed...

Just Exactly What Is Christmas?

Just thinking about church last sunday... It was about what we remember about Christmas in the past. I don't remember a lot but I remember a few things. What were the circumstances for our parents? Were things 'really' as we recall them? Chances are not, but yet we choose to attach fond sentiments to those memories because they are Christmas. So getting a talk on how tough Christmas really was (especially that first one) really opened my eyes. If you care to see the sermon itself (even if you're not religious in nature, it gives you some things to think about) you can go to our church website and pull it up from the archives and watch it... It makes me appreciate what this season is supposed to be...

Looking Back To Take a Step Forward...

So it goes...
Hope y'all are having a good time getting ready for Christmas. Me, it's been a busy time to where I haven't had too much time to shop... At least I'm not shopping for clothes (hi Rebecca)... My weekend was a little weird. Got invited by a couple of friends of mine to go see their daughters basketball games. One with the freshman team, the other junior varsity. They both play for the same high school across town where my ex girlfriend's kids go. For about 12 seconds, my thoughts were going back to thinking the way I used to: what if she's there. Will she think that I have an agenda for being there somehow... after all, she's accused me of lots of things that weren't true... just really stupid thoughts going through my head from the past. But things have changed. I decided that when I go to those games now, I DO have an agenda: to go watch my friends' daughters play. I went to the games and when I first got there, I had an odd thought about what I'd do if I ran into her there... I started chuckling because I'd probably look at her and laugh. I think that is part of having let go... before I had been hurting... and now I am laughing when I think back about what used to be. Yikes! am I glad that I've moved on... Anyhow, I had an absolute blast watching the girls play... in fact I think I made more noise than their moms did... we were laughing and joking around and had a great time. As a matter of fact, one of the daughters called me tonight to thank me for coming out to the game and how really glad she was that I was there. I was genuinely touched. After the first 12 seconds, I didn't think about anything else but having fun with my friends... and now, instead of wondering about other useless things, I look forward to seeing the girls play hoops when my schedule allows. So yeah baby, I'm feeling pretty good...